The Velvet Rope
by Companyo'Thieves
Summary: Bella Swan has always felt different than her peers, but when she meets Edward Cullen, she finally feels like she belongs. What happens when he leaves her and she tries to find him? Will they ever be able to repair the damage, will Bella forgive him?
1. Time

**Chapter One - Time**

**Time here all but means nothing just shadows that move 'cross the walls  
They keep me company but they don't ask of me they don't say nothing at all**

Rain pounded brutally against my bedroom window. Lightning streaked across the night sky and thunder clapped so deep and loud it shook the very frame of my house. It was a hell of storm, but inside me, there was calm, a stillness. I breathed in and out, my heart beat in a steady rhythm. I felt composed with what I was going to do.

For so long I felt nothing, not sadness, not anger, not anguish, just nothing. The numbness was wrong because I knew I should feel something, anything but really, deep down, I was so thankful, and so relieved that I wouldn't have to face the pain of my broken heart. Because surely it _was_ broken, shattered into a thousand pieces that I knew would never be put all the way back together again. He devastated me, in one conversation, he blew me apart. Everything I thought that I knew, everything I thought I felt was crushed to vapor. I needed to feel something again. I needed to find a way to fix what he'd so easily demolished, and by doing that, maybe I could be whole again.

"_We're leaving Forks."_

_My mind blanked at those words, I grasped for understanding. "Okay, I need to figure out what to tell Charlie, but give me a day or two and I can come up with something."_

_He stared at me, through me, as my world quickly fell down around me._

"_No, just my family and I are going, Bella."_

_I took an unsteady breath. "What do you mean, just you and your family? I'm going with you, I _have_ to go with you Edward."_

"_It's for the best if you stay here." His words were cold, heartless. They reflected nothing of the man that I had come to know, the man I loved._

"_No, what's best for me is to go where you go." My voice was weak, in shock, even to my own ears, I heard the bewilderment._

"_I'm sorry Bella, this has gotten out of hand. I really should have been more responsible when it came to you, but I let things progress too far. I know that you'll be fine, just promise me that you'll take care of yourself. For your parents of course, they need you." He eyes finally latched to mine and the intensity in them shot straight to my heart. "Promise me you'll be safe, don't do anything reckless."_

"_Edward…" I breathed. I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. Why? Why would he hurt me like this? He loved me. He told me he loved me. _

"_Promise me Bella!" _

"_Why?" I couldn't promise him anything when he'd broken the biggest promise he'd ever made me. To love and protect me. I needed him to protect my heart right now, yet he was the one destroying it._

"_It's time for us to move on, and we've been fooling ourselves to believe this could work out."_

"_No… no Edward, I love you, I want to be with you, I don't care about anything else. I need you." I was bordering on hysteria, but I couldn't be bothered with that right now. My world was slipping away and I was completely powerless to stop it. So what if I sounded pathetic. _

"_Goodbye Bella. Be happy." He turned from me and started walking back towards the forest behind Charlie's house. His perfect face, his perfect hands, his perfect body, all retreating from me. I stood there in a complete stupor. I knew that he wouldn't stop, but I ran after him anyway. I couldn't let this be it. There was so much I didn't understand, so much that I knew he wasn't telling me._

"_Edward!" I ran into the thicket of trees and fauna. "Edward!"_

_I couldn't see him anywhere. No movement caught my eye; he'd vanished into thin air. No trace of him for me to follow. I wasn't going to stop though, I would talk to him, I had to know what he was thinking. This didn't make sense! Nothing about this made sense!_

_I walked and I walked and I walked till the sun was a memory and a pale light from the moon filtered weakly through the thick branches of trees. I kept going though. I knew in the back of my mind that I would never find him, especially if he didn't want to be found, but still I couldn't stop searching. He was my heart, my soul, everything that mattered to me was wrapped up in him. If I could just find him, it would be okay, I just needed to get to Edward._

I sat on my bed and stared out the window, watching the wind whip through the trees. Slashes of lightning split the sky leaving a smell of ozone in the air. I sat and I thought of that day six months ago and remembered the bite of the cold night air as I walked for hours. The utter exhaustion I felt when I finally sank to the ground and laid my head on the hard dirt. The dazed confusion that came over me when I woke up in the overly warm arms of a stranger. Sam Uley. It made me uneasy, but I couldn't deny he'd probably saved my life that night. My lips were blue and my teeth were chattering roughly by the time I got back to Charlie. Intellectually, I knew all these details of that night, but I didn't care, I was already numb. Already deadened. And I have felt that way since then.

I know Charlie was worried. I didn't want him to be. I wanted to tell him that I would be alright, that I knew what I was going to do to fix me, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell him because he would try to stop me, and I refused to be deterred. I had a plan finally, after mulling over my options for months, I'd come up with a plan, and I was going to execute it. It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't necessarily be safe, but it was all I had.

I wish I could have talked to Alice about my plan, but she was gone too. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. As soon as Edward had left, his entire family had vanished too. A week after I'd been found in the woods, I'd driven to the Cullens in hopes of talking to one of them, finding some answers, finding some sanity, but the house was a tomb. It was closed and dark without any trace of life.

Life, I laughed mirthlessly to myself, they aren't exactly alive to begin with. So there wouldn't be any sign of life would there? My family was gone. Oh I had Charlie, and Renee and Phil, I even had Jacob, who was a good friend, but my family that I intended to spend eternity with had disappeared without a word. So I mourned them and their absence.

I clenched my fists in my lap and continued to look outside. It would be over soon, it would all be over and I could have them back, all them. I could have my family and I could have my love. It would all be fine. I would be fine.

I heard two quick raps at my door, and Charlie yell out to me on the other side.

"Bells? Can I come in?"

I made an effort to relax my face, unclench my hands and lean back lazily on my arms on the bed.

"Yeah Dad, come on in."

He peaked around the door as he cracked it open and smiled at me.

"All packed?"

"Yep," I gestured to my open suitcase in the corner of the room.

"Excited to see your mom?"

"Yep." I smiled easily at him. He had been trying so hard to help me since Edward left. Taking extra time every evening to be with me, talk to me about school, watch shows on television that I liked instead of football. He was a good dad. Charlie loved me, and I loved him. I sincerely hoped that what I was about to do wouldn't hurt him too badly.

"Are you sure I don't need to call her and coordinate your schedule with her, I'd really hate for you to get stranded at the airport. I didn't even book your tickets. I feel kind of out of the loop."

"Dad," I rolled my eyes playfully at him. "First of all, I already talked to Mom, she knows exactly when I'm getting there, and second of all, I'm eighteen, I can handle being at the airport alone for a few minutes in case she's running late. I'll be fine, I'm a big girl."

"Don't remind me." Charlie grumbled.

"It'll be okay Dad." I know Charlie would think I was talking about my "visit" to Renee's, but I really meant everything. I would be okay, I had it worked out. I hated lying to him, but sometimes the end justified the means, and this was one of those times right? It had to be one of those times.

"Alright kiddo, well I guess I'll see you in the morning then."

"Goodnight Dad." I sat up and offered him another smile.

"Night Bells" He smiled softly back and shut my door behind him.

I took a deep breath and crawled into bed. I needed to get as much sleep as I could manage tonight. I'd be very busy tomorrow.

__

Charlie drove me to the airport in silence the next morning. I wanted to say something to him, but every time I tried, nothing seemed right. So I sat next to him and stayed quiet.

We eventually pulled up to the curb of the airport and unloaded the car.

"Well, enjoy your spring break Bells. I'll see you in two weeks." Charlie pulled me into an awkward hug.

"Thanks Dad. I left some food for you to heat up in the refrigerator. I don't want you to starve while I'm gone." I joked lightly.

"I can cook for myself Bella," he frowned slightly.

"Sure you can Dad, and I'm a beauty queen." I smiled up at him.

"You are, you brat." He shook his head and patted my shoulder.

"Whatever Dad, I'll call you when my flight lands." That wasn't a lie. I was flying and I would land eventually.

"Okay, say hi to your Mom and Phil for me."

"Will do, bye Dad."

"Bye Bella, love you."

"Love you too."

I picked up my suitcase and walked to the front desk to check in. After the man behind the counter handed me my tickets, I turned and waved to Charlie one more time before walking to security check. Once I got through, I quickly found my gate and sat down in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs until they began boarding. I should have felt anxiety over what I was about to do. I should have felt elation at the possibility that I was going to right something I knew had gone very, very wrong. But as I had been for so long, I was frozen in this state of unfeeling. So I waited patiently, almost mechanically, to start this adventure that would lead me to my heart, to my Edward.

--

By the time my flight landed in Anchorage, Alaska, my legs were stiff from the scrunched position they were held in for the last four hours. I stood in line and filed off the aircraft with the others who had flown with me. I recognized the weariness that covered me from traveling, but I only gave it a fleeting thought as I made my way to the car rental counter.

I was too young to rent a car myself, but I had used Renee's name as insurance to allow me to get one. I had called her a week ago to ask if I could rent a car under her name over spring break because I was wanted to drive to Seattle and such places, and I didn't think my truck was up to the challenge. She sounded confused, but agreed nonetheless. I threw in an extra explanation that I couldn't put it in Charlie's name because I didn't want him to feel bad about my truck being untrustworthy because he'd bought it for me. That seemed to soothe the worst of her suspicion. I was digging myself in deep with lies to both my parents, but again, I couldn't find it in me to care. I had a goal, and I would get there no matter the obstacles.

After filling out the proper paper work and getting the keys to a car, I headed toward baggage claim. Finally settling into the rental Jeep, I opened my map of Alaska, and figured out which route to take, I pulled out onto the highway. I still had another four hours roughly before I'd hit Denali, plenty of time to prepare myself.

I ate up the miles in what seemed like no time. Scenery passed by in a blur of motion. I was nearing my destination; I could feel it growing inside me. _Feeling_, the sensation of feeling was coming back, slowly, ever so slowly I could sense it seeping through my clouded thoughts, the realization that I was nearing my heart, my very life source that Edward held.

It was dark by the time I drove past the sign for the Denali National Park. So close. I was so close. I drove through the dark forested area, as I mentally tried to reach out to Alice.

_See me Alice! Know that I coming! Find me!_

I was down to a quarter tank of gas, and was no closer to finding Edward or his family. I felt like I was driving in circles, and the exhaustion of the day was overcoming me. My stomach growled in revolt to my neglect. I hadn't eaten since the airline had offered me pretzels and soda.

Keep going, I told myself, just a little bit longer. I watched as my fuel scale dwindled and the needle pointed to an eighth of a tank. Finally I stopped the Jeep and got out to stand for a minute. I needed to stretch my legs and think. I knew that finding the Cullens may not be easy, but I had not anticipated the complete lack of direction I was feeling at this point. I was not discouraged. No, I was hopeful, but unsure of my next move.

If Alice could see me, I know she'd come, she'd help me. Why couldn't she see me?

_I just need answers, Alice! I understand if Edward doesn't want me. I just need your help right now._

In the back of my mind, I always thought he was too good to be true, but after so much between the two of us, I just had to know what had happened. What had made him change so drastically towards me.

I took a deep breath of the crisp night air. I looked up and let the moonlight bathe my face. It was a clear sky with thousands of stars twinkling above me.

_Got to keep moving,_ I told myself. Just have to keep moving, I'll find them. I couldn't imagine that I wouldn't.

Just as I was about to climb back into my Jeep, I heard a faint shuffle of gravel. I whirled towards the noise, and saw a figure walking towards me. It was so dark; I couldn't make out any distinct features. Twin shivers of excitement and fear raced up my spine. One of the Cullens? A stranger? I didn't know yet.

"Hello?" I called out tentatively.

"Hello," the voice answered pleasantly, a voice that I did not recognize. "Are you lost, miss?"

So it was a stranger. The fear replaced all traces of the previous excitement.

"No," I replied in a stronger tone. "I'm just stretching my legs, you know, been driving a while and all that. I was getting ready to hit the road again." I gave a self-deprecating laugh.

The stranger came closer and I was surprised to find that he was much younger than I had originally taken him for. He was a thin boy about fifteen or sixteen, with dark blond hair and a baby face. I immediately relaxed.

"Alright, I'd be happy to point you in the right direction if you need it." His tone was smooth, much smoother than I would have expected of a boy his age.

"Thank you, but I really just need to get to where I'm headed, I'm sure I can find it okay….." I trailed off as my breath caught when I saw the glint in his eye. His burgundy eyes.

"Are you sure you can't stay just a minute longer. It's such a late hour for someone as young as you to be out alone. I'd hate something to happen to you." His smile was hideously beautiful, and I wanted to scream for him to leave me alone, but no sounds would come from my constricted throat.

"I…I…I don't want my family to worry, they are …expecting me." I tried to think fast, but knew that my excuse was dismally pathetic.

He took a step closer to me.

"Oh, I don't really think they are, are they? You're a very pretty girl, do you know that? Such a rare beauty really, I'd hate to waste such a thing. Maybe I'll just have to keep you." He smiled widely this time, and I saw the flash of his white teeth. They looked gruesomely sharp. And I knew this was the end. I'd come all this way to die.

I wouldn't get to see my love one more time. I wouldn't know what had happened to us.

"Please…." I breathed shakily and tried to take a step back.

"My dear," he spoke almost tenderly to me as I suddenly found myself wrapped in his embrace. "I'll make the pain go away, you won't feel a thing, just close your eyes."

And I did. I squeezed them tight, knowing the agony of what was to come. I didn't want to see his face so close to mine the instant before he took me.

_Goodbye Edward, I love you!_ My mind screamed, and then I felt the piercing of his teeth sinking in my frail, thin flesh.

My mind was wiped clean of all thought as my body slumped into this stranger, this vampire who was drinking the life from me.

Minutes, hours, days later, the misery started. I had lamented my desensitization to life when Edward had left me, now I mourned the relief of no feeling, because heaven help me, I felt _everything_ now. A burn so profound, so unending, exploded and roared from within my very bones. I was smoldering alive, for surely this could not be death, could it? Was this hell? An eternity of such agony, such unfathomable pain? Was this my lot now?

I could do nothing to alleviate the blaze within me, it scorched on and on and on. A bottomless well of suffering. I laid there and felt the every lick of flame within me, and waited for true insanity to begin.

_Why is she feeling the affects? I don't understand? She should be numb to the pain! _

I faintly heard the frustrated voice seep through to my crazed brain. I recognized the words, even knew what they meant, but they held no meaning to me. I was being charred from the inside out, and he was frustrated. Who the hell cared about him!

At some point, I have no idea when, the pain began to recede to barely tolerable. From my fingertips to my toes it began to pull towards my heart. Oh the relief. The sweet wondrous relief that I couldn't even begin to describe was covering my body like a cool blanket. My heart pounded rapidly inside my abused body, rapping brutally against my chest.

My torso arched up with a final thundering beat that echoed into the silence. The rushing of blood that had filled my ears had quieted as well. And for the first time in a long time, I heard air. The soft movement of air, and the peace that it brought me made me want to lie there, wherever I was, and sleep forever.

But sleep never came. I was relaxed, but alert. Alive, but in so many ways, it seemed, frozen. I did not feel adrenaline rush through my veins, saliva didn't coat my throat, something sharp and bitter did.

Finally I opened my eyes, and turned my head towards a vaguely familiar boy, and I knew.


	2. Stupid

**A/N - Alright kids, I meant to put this on the first chapter, but like a nerd...didn't do it, so this was all I was going to say: This is my first attempt at fanfic *bites nails nervously* so I really want to get feedback on what you think. I appreciate any and all comments, although, if you think it sucks, please tell me why, and not just say that it blows major chunks:) Thanks! Enjoy the drama....**

_Disclaimer: Not SM, but I do agree the Edward is the ultimate example of hotness._

**Chapter Two - Stupid**

**Night lift up the shades let in the brilliant light of morning. But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy. **

**Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong.**

APOV

"Alice? Alice?!" Jasper shook my shoulder. I blinked rapidly as my vision faded out quickly.

"What did you see?" he asked feeling my anxiety.

"Bella…" I gasped finally. His eyes widened. "She didn't…." he trailed off not wanting to finish the thought, let alone the sentence. No one in our family wanted to think about the ramifications if Bella died. There would be too many heart-wrenching possibilities.

"I don't know, I don't know," I babbled grabbing my phone. I punched in the Swan's home number and waited impatiently as it rang over and over. I was about ready to snap it in two when I finally heard a breathless hello.

"Yes, could I speak to Bella please?" my voice was smooth and calm, giving away none of the panic that coursed through my body. I shot Jasper a quick glance of apology, knowing he was getting battered with my anxiety. He smiled weakly back in acknowledgement.

"I'm sorry, she's not home; can I take a message?" Charlie answered, not recognizing my voice.

"Could you tell me when she'll be home please? I really need to speak with her, about a school project we're doing together, this is Jessica." I improvised.

"Oh, hey Jessica, I just saw your mom today, said you had the flu, but you sound good, you feeling better?"

I wanted to scream with impatience, but bit down on my frustration and answered as easily as I could.

"Yeah, much better Chief Swan, thanks for asking, but Bella, I really need to talk to her."

"Oh right, I'm surprised she didn't tell you, she's in Florida for a few weeks to see her mom, she won't be home till school starts again."

"Could you give me her mom's number please, sorry to be such a pest and all" I laughed quickly trying to sound slightly sheepish. "it's just I really need to ask her about something before we hand in the project."

"No problem, hold on a sec."

I heard him rifle through some papers before picking up the receiver again.

"You ready Jessica?"

"Yeah all ready" I barely suppressed the need to yell it.

"Okay, 768-239-8382. Got it? Need me to repeat it?"

"Nope got it here, thanks for your help Chief, see you later!" I hung up quickly, cutting off his goodbye. "For the love!" I yelled finally, dialing Renee's number.

Jasper stood next to me waiting anxiously, his hand resting reassuringly on my shoulder.

"Hello?" I heard a woman's voice answer.

"Hi Renee?"

"Yes?"

"Hi, this is a friend of Bella's, could I speak to her please?"

"Well, Bella lives with her dad in Forks. She's not here?" Renee sounded confused, and felt the dread sink deeper within me.

"I'm sorry, I must have been mistaken, I thought she was visiting, my fault, thanks!" I quickly hung up and looked at Jasper.

"We've got to find Bella, something's wrong."

--

"What do you mean you saw her in a vision?" Carlisle stared at me as I stood in front of his desk. "I thought you were blocking visions about Bella?"

"Sometimes they sneak through if they're really strong." I wanted to scream. I felt so helpless.

"What did you see? Is she okay?" he stood up and came around to where Jasper and I were standing.

"I don't know, it was dark, she was standing by a car, a green jeep I think, and she was looking up at the sky. Then she turned around quickly and was staring at something, she looked surprised and then really scared. Then it all faded to black." I growled at my own ineptitude. "That's all I saw, that's all I know!"

I had explained all of this to Jasper on our way to Carlisle's office. I couldn't fight the feeling that I was missing something big, something that would save Bella from whatever danger she was in.

"Maybe we should call Edward," Jasper spoke softly.

"I don't know," Carlisle shook his head deep in thought. "I would hate to make him panic before we really knew anything. Have either of you heard from him lately?"

I shook my head sadly, as did Jasper.

"Me neither." Carlisle looked out the window briefly before looking back at us. "Can you track her down? Can you find Bella?"

"Yes," I said immediately. I would find her. She was my best friend. I would help her no matter what it took.

"Jasper can you go as well? I know Alice is capable of going alone, but I know you'll feel better going with her."

"I'll go, I'll be fine, I won't hurt Bella." Jasper spoke with surety. Poor Jasper felt such anguish over Bella's birthday disaster. I know it haunted him, he felt responsible for causing the rift between Edward and Bella.

"I know you won't hurt her son." Carlisle patted Jasper's shoulder reassuringly. "It wasn't even a concern."

"I'm going to grab some things and we'll get going." I raced out of the room and up the stairs.

"What's going on? What's happened to Bella?" Emmett blocked my path to Jasper's and my room. He'd obviously heard us talking in Carlisle's office.

"I don't know, we're going to find out." I tried to weave around him.

"I'm going with you." He spoke firmly and his jaw clenched tightly.

"No, Em, it would be best if you stayed here. The less attention we draw, the better for Bella." Carlisle spoke softly at the bottom of the steps.

"If you need anything, you'll call us won't you Alice?" Rosalie walked out into the hallway as well. "You'll tell us once you know something?"

"Of course." I darted into the bedroom finally, and grabbed a bag, stuffing it full of clothes for both Jasper and myself, along with identification and passports . I had no idea what we would need.

"Let's go Jazz"

We jumped into Edward's Volvo that he'd left behind and sped to the airport.

"You won't hurt her, Jasper, I know you won't." I told him softly and held his hand as he drove.

He clenched his jaw and swallowed.

"I never want to hurt her again." He turned tormented eyes at me and I felt such agony for him.

"I know that, we all know that Jazz. He doesn't blame you." We both knew I was talking about Edward.

"He should."

I shook my head and rubbed the back of his hand with mine. "No, we are a family, Bella is part of this family and we protect and love what is ours. We don't cast blame."

He squeezed my hand, but let go when his phone buzzed.

"Yeah." I could hear Carlisle speaking on the other end, asking if we were going to go to Forks or Jacksonville. Esme was booking our flights on her cell phone.

I never heard his answer because my eyes shuttered closed and I was struck with the same images of my last vision only clearer and stronger, then I saw it. A sign for the Denali National Park.

I sucked in a breath as I came out of the vision.

Jasper was still holding the phone to his ear, but he wasn't talking, just staring at me. "What did you see?"

"Alaska, we need to get to Denali, that's where Bella is." I gripped my hands together and prayed that we weren't too late.

" Tell Esme we're going to Denali. We need a flight to Alaska."

--

As soon as our plane landed, we raced towards the parking lot as fast as we could without drawing attention to ourselves. Jasper looked at me waiting, as I pointed towards a new BMW.

"Okay," he said and we ran over to it. He pulled it open easily even though it was locked. It would never lock properly again, but at this point, we weren't concerned. I climbed into the passenger's seat as he jumped the engine.

Before long we were speeding down the highway towards Denali National Park. We pulled into the designated driving area and began searching for the green Jeep in my vision.

"Does this look right Alice? Does this look familiar?"

"Yes, but we're not there yet, I don't see the Jeep." I was so frustrated.

"There it is!" Jasper pointed to a green dot ahead of us. Human eyes would have never seen it so far away as we could barely make it out ourselves.

He accelerated towards it. As soon as we were near enough, I jumped out and threw open the driver's side door.

"Bella!" I yelled. She wasn't there though. "Bella!" I turned in circles searching frantically.

"She's not here." Jasper spoke quietly looking around as well. "I can still smell her though."

It was true; the distinct floral smell that was all Bella lingered in the air.

"Do you think you can track her?"

"I'll try; did she take anything with her?"

I turned back towards the jeep and looked. Everything still lay across the passenger's seat, her travel bag, her purse, her cell phone. She'd taken nothing with her. This was definitely not good.

I looked helplessly at Jasper. He nodded and pulled out his phone.

"Carlisle, she's not here. Yeah. We're going to try and track her. Everything is still in the Jeep. No. If you think it's best. We'll let you know. Okay, yeah bye."

He looked at me, "He thinks it might be time call Edward."

I cringed imagining what Edward might do. "I don't know Jasper, it might be too soon. We don't really know anything."

Jasper smiled sympathetically. He knew how I felt about Bella, and he knew how I felt about Edward, hell, he'd felt them all with me. It was hard enough for me to have to say goodbye to Bella, if Edward didn't handle the news well and took drastic measures, he knew it would kill me. He pulled me into his arms.

"It'll be okay baby" he murmured into my hair. "If I were Edward, I would want to know. If this were you, I would need to know."

"I know, I just…" I trailed off not knowing how to say what I was feeling.

"I know baby, I know." Of course he would know. Jasper was the other part of me. He would know what I thought and what I felt, and why. I hugged him tightly.

"I love you Jazz"

"Love you too Alice, I-" he stopped abruptly, tensing up. I looked up at him questioningly and noticed his face had hardened into a scowl.

"What-"

"Shh" he hushed me. "Do you smell that? Another vampire. I don't recognize the scent, but I just caught it. Do you smell it?"

He let go of me and took a step back crouching, looking up and around us. I sniffed, not smelling anything but Bella, and then as I noticed the breeze blowing through the branches of the trees around us, and I caught it.

"I smell it; it's slightly sweet, kind of woody." I spoke softly knowing Jasper could hear me.

"Yes, stay here, I'm going to follow it." He took off towards the East side of the road and I lost sight of him quickly. I desperately wanted to go with him, but I knew he would be able to track better alone. So I stood and waited.

Within minutes, he came jogging back.

"I lost it, it disappeared about ten miles from here." he frowned deeply.

"Oh Jasper, what are we going to do?"

"Keep looking. Come on, you come with me this time, see if you can catch anything I may have missed."

We took off towards East again, hoping for the best.

--

RPOV

The phone rang incessantly, always going straight to voicemail. Carlisle called first, then Esme, and then Emmett.

"You call." Emmett thrust my cell phone at me while I stood next to the window, staring at the sunset.

"Why do I need to call, he's not answering."

"Rose, he'll answer your call."

"What are you, Alice? Did you have a vision?" I tried to sneer, but it didn't quite make it.

"Just do it, babe." Emmett held out my phone and looked at me imploringly.

I sighed, "Alright." I pressed the speed dial for Edward and waited for the connection.

I didn't want to call Edward with news like this. I knew that I had never treated Bella fairly and I didn't want make the delivery worse because of the messenger.

"What. Do. You. Want?" was the exasperated greeting.

"Hi Edward, good to hear from you too." I spoke sarcastically feeling irritated by the whole situation.

"I will ask one more time before I hang up. What do you want?"

I looked at Emmett, and then Carlisle and Esme who watched me with such sadness, I softened my tone.

"It's Bella, Edward."

There was a pregnant pause.

"What happened? Is she alright?"

"We don't know. We're waiting to hear. I just thought you should know Alice had a vision." I tried to be kind, but who was I kidding, we all knew Edward was dramatic and impulsive. He'd do whatever he wanted whether I was kind or cruel about it.

"Don't do anything crazy Edward, do you hear me? Wait until we know something, she could be perfectly fine." I waited for a reply, but only heard dead air.

"Edward?"

"Edward?"

"Ed-" I was cut off by the dial tone beeping in my ear. I turned towards my family and looked at them helplessly.

"Oh Edward, don't do something stupid." Esme breathed and leaned into Carlisle.


	3. Perfect Girl

_Disclaimer- Not SM, not even a little bit._

**Chapter 3 – Perfect Girl **

**Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong in your reverie a perfect girl. Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool  
all your expectations bury me.**

"What is your name, my dear?" he asked me as I stared at him.

I laid across a table of sorts, and he stood in the corner of a very dark room. Yes, it was a very dark room, but I could see perfectly. I could even see the specks of dust that lay on the floor board.

"Who are you?" I asked in a voice that sounded strange to me.

"My name is Alec." He smiled brilliantly at me. "and you?"

"Isabella." I answered automatically. My eyes darted around taking in the nearly empty space we occupied. The walls were wooden, and the floor was packed dirt.

"Isabella" he let it roll across his tongue. "Such a beautiful name for such a beautiful girl." He seemed quite pleased with himself and me.

"You are doing very well Isabella, your calmness is amazing really, but I imagine you must be thirsty, so I've brought you some dinner." He picked up a large thermos beside him and opened it before handing it to me.

I wanted to question him, ask him, why he done such a thing to me, because I knew what had happened. I knew what he was and what he had made me. But I didn't know what he wanted with me. Before I could voice any of my thoughts I caught the most mouthwatering scent. I looked down into the thermos I held and breathed in deeply.

"Yes, the blood smells wonderful doesn't it? I do envy you your first drink, it is the most powerful of all I believe." He brushed a hand down my hair as I sat up and greedily brought the thermos to my mouth and drank vigorously.

"Easy now my dear, we'll get you more, there is no rush." He continued to speak softly and encouragingly to me as I finished the final drops of blood.

I set it aside and my mind focused once more on the boy who stood so close to me.

"What do you want with me Alec?" I tried to be as calm and clear as possible. I knew that he'd made me a vampire, but I did not know why he hadn't just killed me. I knew that what was now my reality was so huge, so unimaginable that I couldn't dwell on what it meant until later. I needed to find out the facts before I could figure out how to proceed, how to continue on with my life.

"I want nothing Isabella, nothing really, just companionship and loyalty." Again he smiled at me and waved it hand, dismissing his words as if they were of little consequence.

"I am very besotted with you. I find your looks most intoxicating, and that is saying something because it took every ounce of self-control to stop from draining you dry, your blood was exquisite, almost as much as your beauty." He leaned into me and buried his nose in my hair.

I jumped off the table and was across the room from in a blink of an eye.

He laughed good naturedly, "Oh Isabella, please forgive me, I've gotten ahead of myself. You must be quite confused. You are-"

"A vampire" I finished for him.

"Yes," he looked at me surprised. "Very good."

"I have a life. I can't stay with you." I stared at him in resolution.

"No," his voice dropped and he growled lowly. "you _had_ a life, you are dead, everything you were before is done, you are a new creation, and you _will_ stay with me. I am your creator."

"Alec, you don't understand. I won't be like you. I won't be a savage with you."

"Silence child! You are what I say you are. You are _mine_ now." He paced the room, looking at me possessively.

"Child? I am older than you?" I finally managed in my shock.

His features relaxed and he laughed lightly.

"No indeed my dear, I am 130 years old, much older than you, much more mature." He leered at me, raking his eyes up and down my body. "I can teach you such things, such pleasure."

I could not find an answer to such blatant sexual innuendoes.

"I don't want to do that with you?" I spat out.

"Don't be afraid of me, my dear." He moved slowly towards me. "I'll make sure you enjoy it, give you such bliss." He slid fingertips along my jaw line and over my collarbone before skimming my breast. His eyes locking onto mine.

"No!" I shouted shoving him back. He flew into the table, breaking it into splinters and tumbling into the opposite wall. I watched in shock for a millisecond before running to the door and throwing it open, pulling it off the hinges and running mindlessly.

I had to get away, I had to leave. I could not be here, with him. This was wrong. All wrong!

I looked frantically to my left and then my right and ran into the trees across the tiny path that led towards the wood shed behind me.

I flew through the forest; I couldn't believe how fast I could move now. I streaked easily back to a main street and followed it, praying he wouldn't catch up to me. I had to think. I needed to figure out what this…this life meant for me now!

What should I do? What _could_ I do? I couldn't go home; I didn't know how long I'd been gone, and couldn't just show up on Charlie's doorstep as a vampire. I didn't know how to get a hold of the Cullens. There's no way I could be around people, my eyes were surely red, because I'd just drank blood, I thought briefly how James, Laurant, and Victoria's eyes. Even if I wore sunglasses, I don't know if I could control my hunger. I had no idea what I was capable of.

I realized that I truly knew next to nothing of what this new existence had done to me, what it had made me. I knew about how the Cullens lived, but they were the exception to every vampire rule weren't they?

My mind raced at an unearthly pace, trying to find any viable option.

It took me a second to stop and realize that I was still running and I had no idea where I was. I had stuck to running beside a main highway, and thankfully no cars had passed me so far. I ran another ten minutes and finally saw a sign for Sitka. Sitka? Where is Sitka? Alaska? Was I still in Alaska? My brain flew at what I already knew, I recognized things that I saw, but it was almost like my mind worked too fast for me, and I couldn't catch and grasp the thoughts that raced through my it.

Alaska? Why was I in Alaska again? I focused on anything I could before I'd seen Alec. Jeep. I'd been driving a Jeep. Where was I going? To see Edward. I wanted Edward. I'd come to find the Cullens in Denali. It rushed back with perfect clarity. The slivers of thoughts that were swirling in my brain came together in a flawless picture. I remembered everything. The night Edward left me, the months I planned to find him, the flight to Anchorage, meeting Alec. I had wanted to stop being numb, I had wanted to feel again.

My chest seemed to sag with the weight of a thousand pounds as the brevity of what had happened and my new existence came crashing down on me. The implications, the sureties, of what I was. Alec was right, I was a new creation. What I was before is dead. I am no longer frail human girl, Bella Swan. I am now a vampire, with an eternity before me.

--

APOV

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" I reached over and gripped Jasper's arm as we drove to the airport. We were finally heading home to Oregon after two days of searching for Bella to no avail.

"What?" Jasper slammed on the breaks.

"Turn around, right now, we have to go back, I see her. I see her! We have to get to Sitka. As fast as you can Jasper!" I all but screeched at him. I willed the stolen BMW to drive faster, but we were already teetering near 110 miles an hour.

We'd called home everyday to report nothing. We hadn't seen or sensed any traces of Bella since that first night. I tried to will more visions, but none would come. I felt hopeless and discouraged. I couldn't go back to Edward and tell him I'd failed to save the love of his life. That I couldn't even find her. But then finally, _finally _I saw a glimpse of a sign to Sitka and Bella standing next to the sign. It was so clear, so real!

And she was alive! She was standing there alive! I had already started grieving her death, but I didn't need to because she was okay.

"Oh Jasper, I saw her standing there, by the sign to Sitka!" I nearly squealed in my excitement.

"She's okay?" He pushed the poor abused BMW even faster. "You saw that she's okay?"

"I think so! I really think so!"

"Shit!" Jasper slammed on the wretched the wheel and spun us in a complete circle to keep us from flipping over.

"What happened? What did you see?" Before I could get the words out, Jasper was out of the car and running into the row of pines off the road.

I jumped out and caught up to him as he raced further south.

"What are-" Again I was interrupted when he stopped suddenly and spun around looking in every direction.

I watched him in complete confusion. What the hell was he doing?

"Bella?" he spoke so softly, that I could barely hear him, let alone Bella, with human ears.

"Bella?" Louder this time.

"It's us Bella, we love you, we won't hurt you." He relaxed his position and watched.

"Bella?" I gawked at him. "Bella's here? Bella!" I yelled frantically.

Bracken and pine cones crunched as we whirled to our left and stared in complete and utter shock as Bella walked toward us. She looked at us in mirrored shock.

It _was_ Bella, our Bella, but so different too. Her hair was thicker, shinier. Her body curvier, breasts and hips flared more appealingly. Her skin glowed, and that's when it hit me. I could barely find my voice as she passed through a patch of sunlight and her creamy complexion sparkled. Her eyes were blood red.

"Bella, you're a…." I breathed.

"Alice? Jasper?" She sounded so lost. So unsure. "Is it really you?"

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asked taking a step towards her.

And that's when I noticed her clothes were in tatters and badly stained. I raced towards her and hugged her as tightly as I could.

"Yes," Bella looked back and forth between me and Jasper. "We need to get out of here. He may be coming, he could find us, we need to go."

"Who?" I asked looking behind her.

"I'll explain later," she seemed to be coming out of her shock, and starting pulling out of my grip. "We really need to go. Now! We need to go now guys!"

I turned at her words as did Jasper and ran back towards the car with Bella following us.

We jumped inside and Jasper turned around and headed back to the airport.

"We've got to get home. We'll get you home." I said trying to dial Carlisle and let him know we had Bella.

"No!" Bella shouted from the back seat. Jasper glanced back at her through the rearview mirror but continued speeding to Anchorage. "I can't go home, not like this, I can't be near Charlie!"

"Home with us Bella, we know you can't go to Charlie." I looked at her in surprise.

"I can't get on a plane. Not as what I am, I don't want to hurt someone." Her face was fierce with determination.

Her clarity of thought and articulation was astounding. As a newborn, she should be next to uncontrollable. If she could handle herself like this around people, we could figure something out to get her on the plane.

"Bella, we won't let you hurt anyone. Please trust us, we'll think of something."

Her mouth thinned and her face hardened more so before she nodded her head. I glanced questioningly at Jasper. He focused on Bella for a full minute before sighing.

"I can't feel you Bella."

"What?" she asked not understanding.

"I can't feel you. I don't know what you're feeling. I'm trying to get a sense of your emotions and I can't get anything."

"Oh." Was all she said.

Very strange indeed. I was trying to figure out what that meant when I heard Esme's voice talking to me.

"Alice? Alice? Are you there?"

"Esme! Sorry!" I hadn't heard her pick up. "We found her, she's okay."

"Oh thank goodness, oh Carlisle!" She yelled ecstatically. "Carlisle they found Bella."

There was rustling as I assumed Esme was handing Carlisle the phone.

"Is she alright?" he asked urgently.

"Yes, we've got her, she's fine." I don't know why, but I didn't want to tell them that she was one of us now. I thought it should be said in person, with her there.

"Thank the Lord," his voice full of emotion. "Are you taking her home or bringing her here?"

"We're going to bring her there. She'll.." I felt like I needed to give them some kind of heads up as to what they were facing, but I didn't know how to without giving it all away. "She'll be staying with us for a while Carlisle."

There was a pause.

"What aren't you telling me Alice?"

I slid my gaze at Jasper who had picked up my apprehension. I looked back at Bella too who was watching me silently. I knew she could hear the conversation. Her new hearing would make Carlisle's voice crystal clear in her ears.

"You'll see when we get there, just…trust me please?"

"Alright, tell Bella we can't wait to see her and are so relieved that she's safe now." His voice warmed at the sentiments.

"I will," I replied before breaking the connection.

"It almost sounds sincere." Bella muttered.

"What does?" I turned to her.

Bella glanced up from her lap where she'd been staring at her hands.

"Nothing." She quickly corrected herself.

Something wasn't right. Bella was acting strangely. But of course she was acting strangely I chastised myself silently. She'd just been changed into a freaking vampire. How could she react in any other way?

--

EPOV

I snapped the phone in my hand in half, and then crushed it to bits between my fingers. It did nothing to alleviate the panic of what may be.

Bella, my Bella. What could have happened to her? Was she hurt? Had she, I clenched my fists impotently, died? I couldn't bear it, I wouldn't bear it. I would not live in a world that she did not.

I looked out the window at the sunny day and cursed it for keeping me indoors. I couldn't go to her now. I was stuck inside this room of personal hell. Left only with my thoughts and worry. My existence since I'd last seen her was not one of joy either, but at least I was under the impression that she was safe and healthy. Now all I knew is that something had happened, something so dire that my family had to call me about it. I growled loudly. I had to do something!

I looked frantically around my room for something, anything that I could use. I snatched up a hooded sweatshirt, threw it on along with a hat and cloves, trying to cover every inch of my skin. I wasn't going to be stopped. I had to get to her. Now!

Grabbing my wallet, and passport, I ran for the door. I walked with my head down as fast as would a human and hailed a cab to Heathrow. I started to grab my cell phone to book a flight to Seattle, but realized I'd left it in dust back at the hotel room.

"Damnit!"

The cab driver eyed wearily. He could sense the danger that surrounded me.

"Sorry." I mumbled, not needing to draw attention to myself and delay the trip home anymore.

We made to Heathrow after what seemed like hours. I threw some bills at the driver and leapt out and sprinted to the ticket counter inside.

"I need a ticket to Seattle, Washington please. The first one you have!" I tried to sound calm, but I knew the look on my face was menacing.

The woman at the counter, blinked, looking startled, and then began typing into her computer.

"The first one available doesn't leave until tonight at six, and the only seats left are two in first class." She shook her head searching for other options.

"I'll take one!" I slid my credit card at her swiftly.

"O, okay." She took my credit and began processing my information and then handed me a ticket five minutes later. "You're all set Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you." I tried to smile for her help, but I just snatched up the ticket and headed towards security. Thankfully I was inside, so as long as I stayed away from windows, I would be fine. I'd have to make sure that I sat near the aisle on the plane or pulled the visor down by the window. Hopefully Seattle would be characteristically cloudy when I got there.

I went in search of my gate after getting through the metal detectors, and sat down to wait for the longest afternoon of my existence.


	4. What About That

Disclaimer- There can only be one SM and it ain't me....

**A/N - Okay, going to get super dorky for a minute, I got my first review!!!! Let's have moment of silence for said review..... Yes, a small step for veteran fanfic writers, but a huge leap for companyo'thieves! So uber thanks for ElvenatHeart! It makes me happy! Alright, alright, I'll stop now.**

**Okay, here's chapter four, I know that it may seem like Bella is a little testy with everyone, but she's having a rough time, so give her a sec....she'll work through it:)**

**Chapter 4 – What About That?**

**Don't wanna live my life in misery Don't tell me you did it 'cause you love me. I don't believe **

**I'm sick and tired, your deceptive games. Wonder where you have been****  
I can't live life wondering**.

BPOV

I followed Alice and Jasper out of the airport and into the long term parking garage. My feet stalled for a millisecond when I saw we were headed to a silver Volvo. Of all the cars the Cullens owned, we had to be riding in the freaking Volvo? Unbelievable.

We'd boarded the plane in Alaska, Jasper and Alice on both of my sides, guarding me, watching me, ready to hold me down in case I lost control of myself. It was the stupidest thing we could have done really, risking not only people's lives, but the exposure of their kind…or as I needed to get used to: our kind.

I held my breath as much as possible not wanting to smell all the humans around me. I wore sunglasses, and thankfully Alice had taken my things from the Jeep, so I had my identification and bags. We were taking a major gamble, not only having me around so people, but also because I'd only fed on the blood that Alec had given me, so I was a newborn vampire, as Alice had informed, I was also going to be very hungry in the middle of our flight.

I'd sat next to the window with Jasper next to me, and then Alice on the aisle. She had the most control out of the three of us, and she was the smallest too. Our odds of successfully making it to Oregon, which is where I learned the Cullens had been living, without catastrophe were pretty bad, but they were what they were, and we had few options.

Jasper spoke to me kindly through most of the flight, encouraging me and telling me how amazing I was doing. He kept his voice so low that I knew those around us wouldn't be able to hear him. I stayed quiet, only speaking when absolutely necessary. They seemed to understand I was holding myself together by a tenuous thread, so they didn't push me to speak.

Once we made it out to the garage, which thankfully was empty of any humans, I took a deep breath, not because I needed oxygen, but because I hadn't been able to for almost four and a half hours, and felt compelled to.

"Bella, you've done so well! It's astounding! Isn't it Jasper?" Alice rubbed my back and beamed at me.

"I've never seen such control for a newborn, or even some seasoned vampires." He looked at me curiously. "It's unlike anything I've ever heard of actually."

I just shrugged and climbed into the back of the Volvo, wanting to get to where we were going and get out of the car as soon as possible.

A honeyed-woodsy scent filled my nose as I settled into the seat and an ache spread through me as I recognized the smell of Edward. It was even more delicious than what I remembered. It made my still heart break all over again. So again, I found myself holding my breath, not wanting to torture myself.

Alice didn't give me the silence that she did on the plane though, and I was forced to answer her in the car.

"Who were we running from in Alaska, Bella?"

I stared listlessly out of the window. "Alec." I said simply.

"And who is Alec?" she kept on.

"The vampire who changed me."

"Why did you feel like you needed to run from him?"

I tried to think of the simplest answer for her. "I didn't think it was safe for me to stay."

"Why? What happened, did he hurt you?" She twisted in her seat and reached back grabbing my wrist tightly.

"No, he didn't hurt me."

I looked back at her with no expression. She tilted her head and studied me before letting me go and turning back around in her seat. I saw her look briefly at Jasper. He made no movement to return her gaze or look at me.

I turned towards the window again and tried to decide the best course of action once we made it to the Cullens. How would I handle seeing Edward again? I had so many feelings running through me, I didn't know which one to really feel.

Before I knew it, we were turning onto a covered path barely visible from the road. I suppose it was a drive way of sorts, but it was almost too small to even accommodate the car. A few minutes later, we pulled up to a white plantation-style home. The red brick it was constructed of was only broken up by the white window frames and columns that ran from the bottom of the front porch through the third story balcony. It was beautiful, but truthfully, I'd expected nothing less with the Cullens.

As we came to a stop, I opened the car door slowly and stepped out. Carlisle and Esme quickly came out through the front door, followed by Emmett and Rosalie. I refused to show any reaction, but inside, my body ached with the overwhelming sadness of seeing them again after the way we'd parted. I had missed them so deeply before, but now, something inside of me, something so huge it threatened to swallow me whole, resented them and the pain I went through.

"Bella!" Emmett yelled and ran towards me, obviously not seeing the change in me. "You can't go missing and worry us like that again! We've been-"

"Emmett." Carlisle said softly behind him, effectively cutting him off. "Look at her." He shifted his eyes back to Alice and Jasper, who both nodded infinitesimally.

Esme gasped, and Rosalie stood still and as expressionless as I was. Emmett stopped abruptly and peered into my face.

"Holy shit." He murmured under his breath. "I didn't…" his voice trailed off, but he still walked to me and wrapped me in his massive arms.

I breathed in his scent, and wanted to cry because he smelled like family to me. My eyes burned like they would have if I were getting ready to cry as a human, but they stayed dry, and I could only be thankful that at the very least, being a vampire allowed me to keep my careful mask intact. I patted Emmett's back and then stepped back to look at each face, one at a time, before lifting my chin towards Carlisle.

"I know this is unexpected and inconvenient to impose on you, but when Jasper and Alice came, I didn't know what else to do but go with them. If you'll just give me a few days, I'll figure out somewhere else to go and you can get back to your lives." I fought the strong urge to clench my fists, so I left them hanging loosely at my sides. The agitation inside of me seemed to be growing minute by minute.

"Oh Bella." Esme ran to me and hugged me fiercely too. "No, we want you here. We want you to stay. Please stay forever."

I hugged her back for a moment, allowing myself to enjoy the love and compassion that came pouring out of her.

"Thank you Esme." I didn't want to tell her that I would be leaving as soon as I could put together a plan of action.

Carlisle made a move towards me and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"Where is Edward?" I asked. I couldn't stand it any longer; I needed to know before another minute passed.

They all looked at each other before Rosalie finally stepped off the porch and walked closer to me, her eyes still blank.

"We called to let him know that Alice had had a vision about you and that they were looking for you, but we've been unable to get a hold of him since then."

"He's not here then?" I almost trembled with relief, I didn't know how much more I could take today.

"No." she shook her head. "He's been in London for the past six months."

I nodded, and then turned to Esme once more.

"Could I take a shower and clean up please?" I hadn't changed clothes or bathed since I'd left Forks almost five days ago.

"Of course honey, come on."

I picked up my bags, gripping them tightly, feeling the fabric ripping slightly under my iron hold, and followed her back inside the house.

"Here, put your stuff in here," we'd walked up the staircase to the third floor, and then to the door of the one bedroom that occupied it. "There's a bathroom right across the hall. I know that you've got a lot to get used to, so you'll probably like the seclusion of this room. It'll let you be alone with your thoughts. Of course, we want you to be with us all the time, but in case you need to get away, this space is good for it." She smiled kindly and squeezed my arm.

"Thank you Esme, I appreciate this, really." I couldn't help myself and leaned in for another hug.

"Oh honey." She held me so tightly and rubbed my back. "We've missed you so much, it's so good to see you again, I'm so sorry it's under these circumstances."

I shook my head and took a step back. "It's alright; I am what I am now." I pulled back finally. "I've missed you too."

She gave me another smile and turned to leave. "Let us know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you."

I opened the door to the room and stepped into what was obviously Edward's room. I wanted to scream in insanity. I couldn't get away from this ghost that haunted me. I couldn't escape him. I sank to the floor and inhaled the wonderful scent that was his. His cd's and albums lined the walls as they did in his room in Forks. Stacks of books covered every flat surface of furniture. His black leather couch was pushed up against the wall, and the closet was full of his shirts.

I stood up slowly and walked to them, pulling out a sweater and bringing to my face.

"Oh Edward." I breathed the fragrance in. It made me ache.

Resolutely, I let go of the shirt and walked back to my bag, and carried it across the hall to the large bathroom. It held an ivory sink with matching Jacuzzi bath tub, and an open shower that boasted multiple shower heads.

Dropping my bag, I closed the door and locked it behind me. I knew that the lock was for show more than function, since anyone in this house could pull it open locked or not with no effort.

I started to lift my shirt to get undressed, but stopped when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I froze at the image. I hadn't had a chance to see myself as what I was now.

Ever so slowly, I let go of my shirt and walked closer to the glass. I touched my cheekbones with my finger tips, running them over the skin that was even more pale that before. My face was more angular now. It was more of a woman's face, less of a girl's. My chin, slightly pointier, my cheeks less round, my eyes larger, oh my eyes! They were a shocking red that caused a shiver to race up my spine. It was frightening, but oddly inexplicably beautiful too.

I shook my head at that foolish thought, and then noticed my hair that swung at the movement. It was the same deep brown as when I was human, but it was thicker, richer in its shades, with highlights of dark gold and auburns weaving through the chocolate tone.

My hands continued their perusal of my body, traveling down to my sternum and over my breasts, which felt larger, and heavier. I skimmed down my ribcage, and over rounder hips. I turned and looked at the reflection of my back. I was definitely curvier. Odd, I didn't feel the difference before. I spun back to face my front and leaned on my hands on the sink and took a shaky breath.

"Who are you now?" I asked myself softly. "_What_ are you?"

I dropped my head in dejection.

"Bella?" I heard Alice on the other side of the door and then a hard knock.

I brought my head up and looked one last time at myself before opening the door.

"Good, you haven't showered yet. We should go hunting. We didn't even think how thirsty you must be before."

I hadn't even noticed that I was hungry until she mentioned it, and then I felt a burning in my throat, causing me to swallow repeatedly.

"I don't know how." I managed feeling embarrassed.

"Of course you don't, you've never done it before." Alice took my arm and led me downstairs. "Rose and I are going to take you. I'm sorry we didn't go sooner, Carlisle just realized how you must be so thirsty, but you act so calm, we forget that you need to feed your newborn appetite."

"Alright."

I knew that I was being distant towards Alice, and to be honest, it hurt to treat her like that, especially when she was being so kind to me. But honestly, I couldn't shake the hurt of being left behind before.

"You ready Rose?"

We'd made it to the front door again and Rosalie stood in the foyer, obviously waiting for us.

"Yes," she replied simply. "Are you okay?"

I turned to her in surprise that she would ask me. I assumed she wouldn't care one way or another about me. We'd never been close; in fact, I knew for a fact that she didn't even agree with Edward's and my relationship to begin with.

"I'm fine."

She nodded once and then opened the door.

"Okay, let's go."

--

EPOV

"Where are you Bella?" I moaned to myself.

I'd been looking for her for over a day in Forks and couldn't find any clues as to where she could possibly be. Charlie seemed frantic inside the house, but he kept calling Renee and insisting that Bella should have made it to her a few days ago. Apparently, Renee didn't even know Bella was going there for a visit, which only served to agitate Charlie more. He spent his time making calls to different police departments in Washington, and even a few in Florida about finding Bella when he wasn't calling and being pissed off at Renee.

I combed every inch Forks and came up empty. I was going crazy inside. It was my fault, all my fault. I should have stayed in Forks a little bit longer, it only to watch over her, make sure she was adjusting to my family's and my absence. I couldn't though, I couldn't stand to be so close to her and not talk to her, not touch her, tell her every second of every day that she was my life, and I would love her as I'd loved no one else for all eternity.

Finally, not knowing what else to do, I ran to a neighboring town to buy a new cell phone so that I could call home and see if they'd heard anything. I should have called sooner, but I was so sure I'd find her Forks. I don't know why. It was stupid to assume she'd be there, and no one had found her yet, but she just belonged there in my mind. She should be there!

I walked casually down the street from the store and tried to inconspicuously head back to some woodlands that would cover me.

I quickly dialed Carlisle's number and waited for the connection.

"Dr. Cullen." He always answered that way if he didn't recognize the number.

"Carlisle, its me, have you heard anything, have they found her?"

"Edward! Yes, they found her. She's here with us in Oregon. You need to-"

"What? She's there? When? How? She's okay?" I felt instant relief. She was okay, she had to be okay, my love was alive. I could think again. I could breathe again.

"Well, it's a long story, she's fine, where are you?"

"Outside of Forks, I'm on my way now, keep her there!" I yelled and snapped the phone shut, somehow managing to not damage this one as well.

I took a quick inventory of where I was and then ran south towards Oregon. It wouldn't take me too long to get there. A few hours at most, but probably less because I was going to run harder and faster than I ever had before. I was running towards my reason for existing.

--

BPOV

I followed Rosalie and Alice north into a cacophony of foliage. I made as little noise as possible and stayed behind them, waiting for my instructions. Within five minutes of our journey I caught the scent of something. It was slightly tangy. I looked questioningly at Alice. She nodded back, affirming that I had indeed smelled what we were hunting for.

"Watch me, and then you try." Rosalie barely muttered the words, but nodded my head and paid attention as she took off, jumping onto the back of a deer that had been eating. She snapped its neck quickly and then sunk her teeth into the carotid artery. I watched in fascination as she drank deeply, not spilling a drop.

"Do you want me to go next, or do you think you're ready?" Alice asked gently.

"I'll go, I'll figure it out." I took off away from them. I sounded more sure of myself than I actually was, but I needed to be self-sufficient from now on. I wouldn't always have one of the Cullens to hold my hand through everything. I'd learned that the hard way I couldn't help but think bitterly. So even in my independence, I didn't want them to watch, in case I did it wrong, or was messy about it.

"Bella, wait, we'll go with you!" Alice called, trying to catch up.

"No it's okay, I meet back up with you, I'll be fine." I purposely tried to lose them, hearing Rosalie telling Alice to let me go right before they were out of range.

Somehow, I caught up to a grouping of antelope near the edge of a stream. I tried to remain silent yet in some way draw a few away from the others. By sheer dumb luck, and no talent of mine, three wandered off to some bushes. I crept slowly up to them, and as fast as I could jumped near the first, snapped its neck as I'd seen Rosalie do to the deer, and then I turned quickly to the second and broke its neck before it could run away. Unfortunately I wasn't fast enough to get the third, so I went back to the first and without a second thought.

I sank my new teeth into its neck and sucked in the hot tangy blood. This animal was slightly sweeter than the deer had smelled, but still held a strange sour taste. The blood that Alec had given me had been so sweet, almost a nectar. It must have been human. I should have been revolted by the idea of drinking human blood, but truly, it had had the most wonderful flavor.

I drained the first antelope and then went to second, repeating the process. I wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve and stood up surveying the damage. I knew that the old me would have felt some kind of remorse over what I'd just done, but I didn't feel guilty about killing the animals. I needed them to survive. It was better them than a person, I thought fleetingly.

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to smooth out the tangles that I had gathered from running. There were a few spots of blood on my shirt, but it was ruined before I'd gone hunting anyway. I felt pretty proud actually. Not a bad job if I do say so myself. And hell, I _do_ say so myself. I felt a small smirk turn up a corner of my mouth.

I felt satiated too. The sharp burn at the back of my throat had lessened exponentially. It was time to find Alice and Rosalie, and head back. Maybe I could finally get that shower.

I jogged back the way I'd come calling to them softly. It took me a few minutes. I didn't want to interrupt them if they were trying to sneak up on an animal. Such a strange life I was going to lead now, I couldn't help but think.

"Rosalie!" I called softly, spotting her crouching behind a tree. She waved me over to where she was.

"She's almost done." She nodded to Alice who was drinking from deer as well. "Did you get anything?"

"Yeah," I looked down at my shirt and pointed to the spots, smiling a little sheepishly. "Kind of made a mess of myself."

She studied more a minute. "No you didn't. This is a whole new world to you, and you're doing amazing, Bella." She said it so plainly that I was taken aback, especially because it was coming from Rosalie.

"Thank you." I whispered.

She shrugged and stood up as Alice walked over to us.

"Did you get enough, Bella?" she eyed me wearily. I knew she was worried about me, and I hadn't exactly been friendly towards her and let her help me, so I felt bad. She'd been my best friend once. Deep down I really didn't want to hurt her.

"I did, I got plenty, thanks Alice."

Her smile brightened immediately. "Really, what did you get?"

We began walking back to the Cullens.

"Two antelope. I did it just like Rosalie showed me." I put in.

"Good job! First time too! Isn't that great Rose?" Alice could barely suppress her excitement.

I had to laugh, it was all so absurd.

"Yeah Rosalie, I snapped two antelopes' necks, aren't you proud?" I joked nudging her.

She smirked at me.

"You're a regular huntress Bella."

"Everyone needs to be good at something, right?" I continued finally feeling a little better.

Alice giggled as we came back out of the trees and onto the Cullen property. That's when I heard it. That velvety smooth voice that immediately caused tingles low in my belly. He was standing in the house talking to the rest of the family, but I could hear him plain as day.

I froze near the steps to the porch. Alice kept walking up, but Rosalie stayed beside me. I felt her hand on my shoulder. Alice stopped at the door and turned back towards me, her face full of sympathy. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. He was here. _He_ was here!

"_What do you mean she's with Rose and Alice? Where did they go?"_

"It's going to be okay Bella." Rosalie spoke lowly, and removed her hand off my shoulder. At her words, the voices inside stopped, and I watched as the front door was thrown open, and Edward filled the frame.

I dropped my eyes immediately, I couldn't look at him, I needed a second to collect myself. But I'd seen him for that split second, and he was even more beautiful than I remembered.

"Bella!" he shoved the door open and strode to me.

I took two large steps back, but kept my eyes averted.

"Bella?" he sounded confused, that melodic voice was confused.

"I see that you're okay" he spoke slowly. "What happened to you?"

I shook my head and clenched my hands. I needed to face this, face him. It was time. It was time to know why he hadn't wanted me. What I had done to change his feelings about me. I gathered every ounce of strength within myself and opened my mouth only to be cut off.

"Why would you go to Alaska? Jasper said they found you in Alaska. I thought I told you to be careful." The last comment was delivered in a cold voice, the voice that I'd heard that night six months ago in the woods behind Charlie's house.

I let out a low growl that came from the deep recesses of my chest. _How dare he? How_ _dare he!? After everything...all that's happened? He's going to scold me?! Like a child! _My previous anxieties forgotten, my head snapped up and I stared at him with such fury, he took an involuntary step back as his breath caught loudly.

"No, no, no! Your eyes! Carlisle!" his face went from that of calm, to horror.

"I was trying to tell you Edward. You weren't even listening to our thoughts" Carlisle answered behind him.

Esme stood next to him with her hand clutching her heart. Emmett had come out with Jasper who both watched in silence.

"Yes, you did tell me to be careful didn't you?" I spat venomously at him. I took another step back, feeling the rage inside me steep and simmer and rise to a boil. "You told me to take care of myself for _my parents_! Not because you really cared at that point, you were leaving me after all? Just tying up loose ends, making sure any damage you'd done would be fixed so you could go without a guilty conscience! So sorry I wasn't careful _enough_ Edward! I just had a little trouble fighting off the vampire who _attacked_ me! So yeah, my fault, I didn't do a good enough job being careful!"

My entire body tensed as I yelled at him. He flinched with every word I threw at him.

"Bella, no, I-"

"Don't worry though," I cut him off, not wanting to hear another word from the one person who hurt me more than anyone else in my life. "I won't be staying long. You won't have to be reminded of that stupid human girl that wouldn't go away."

I turned around and ran as fast as I could back into the woods Alice and Rosalie and I'd just left, but I didn't stop I kept going and going, running the anger out of me, the resentment, the grief. I hated him, I hated him with every fiber of my existence because heaven help me I loved him more than ever. I was so in love with him and I just couldn't bear it.

I wanted to cry, but my new body wouldn't allow it, I heaved, taking in gasping breaths, trying to release some of the tension that filled me, but nothing worked. I ran towards a farm that lay across the field from the forest and sank to my knees behind its barn.

With my elbows propped on my knees, I held my head in my hands and stared unblinkingly at the ground. It was amazing how much I could see now with my new eyes. I watched ants crawl along the dirt; tiny beetles walk lazily on blades of grass, the kaleidoscope of colors that filled just an inch of earth. I watched it all and wanted to forget everything.

"Bella! Bella, please!"

Alice called out to me, and I shrank closer to the barn wall. I loved Alice, but I didn't want to be found.

"Bella." She stopped next to me and grabbed me into a hug. "Don't run from us, please don't run. We love you so much. _I_ love you so much!"

I couldn't hug her back. I just couldn't. She crushed me to her tiny body, and I just couldn't reciprocate.

"You left me Alice. You _all_ left me."

I hardened my eyes and stared at her. She flinched at my harsh tone.

"I know." She whispered.

"I loved all of you, and you didn't even say goodbye! I just wanted to be a part of your family! I know Edward doesn't love me, and I'll deal with that eventually, but you were my best friend and you didn't even say _goodbye_!"

"Oh Bella, please forgive me." She sobbed tearlessly. "I wanted to, but Edward thought it was best if we just left quickly. That it would be easier for you. I'm so sorry!"

"Edward thought it was best did he? Seems Edward calls a lot of the shots around here." My tone was venomous, and I didn't care. For so long when I was human I didn't feel anything, and now, now I could feel all of it. All the rage, all the bitterness, all the damn emotions I could stand.

"Don't leave us Bella, we want you with us. That's all we want too, for you to be a part of our family!" Alice gripped my biceps tightly and brought her face close to mine. "Please believe me."

I thought for a minute and then looked away. "I don't know. Edward. He won't like it."

"Edward!?" She shrieked and let go of my arms as she jumped up and paced. "He loves you more than his own life; he wants you as much as anyone!"

I looked up at her sharply. "Stop it. I don't want to be lied to. I know what he said to me, and I know what he thinks. Don't lie to me Alice. If you love me as much as you say you do, be honest with me. It won't work, me being with your family. Especially if we're not truthful about the situation."

"I'm not lying Bella." She said it simply, without inflection.

"I don't want to talk about it Alice." I stared mutinously ahead.

Alice opened her mouth to argue, but before she could say anything we heard Rosalie shouting for us.

Alice looked at me questioningly, so I waved my hand in disregard.

"Over here, Rose." Alice answered, stepping out from the barn so that Rosalie could see her.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked when she reached us.

"Damn peachy." I muttered.

"Alice?" Rosalie said looking at me intently. "could you give us a few minutes alone?"

"But I-"

"Please."

She shook her head and walked off towards the Cullens. Rosalie sat down next to me and turned her face towards me.

"Feel pretty shitty, don't you?"

It wasn't quite what I was expecting, but after a second, I shrugged.

"About as shitty as I have in a long time, and that's saying something."

"I would too, if I were you." She tucked a blonde curl behind her ear and leaned her chin on a fist.

"Thanks." Was all I could think to say.

"What I guess I'm trying to say, and failing at apparently, is that I understand. This, all of this that is your life right now is really hard, and it's all happening at once."

I nodded, but still stared straight ahead.

"It's going to get better."

I blew out a breath and laughed mirthlessly.

"I know it sounds like I'm feeding you a bunch of bullshit, and if I were you, I'd think the same thing too, but really, it's going to get better."

She paused for a second, but when I didn't reply, she kept going.

"I never wanted this, what we are. I never wanted to be a vampire. Through a series of circumstances, I am one though, and even though it still isn't a life I would have chosen for myself, I've found happiness, with my family, with Emmett."

I looked at her.

"That's one of the reasons I didn't like your relationship with Edward," she continued. "you had what I wanted so badly, to be human. And it seemed like you were throwing it all away. I resented you for it. But Bella, I was wrong. You couldn't help what you were, or what you are now. And as a mortal or immortal, you belong with Edward."

I sneered, but inside, I wanted to believe it.

"You do, he's being a complete asshole right now. As he is quite often." She smiled softly. "But he's your match, and you belong with our family. You always have belonged with us. Talk to him. Let him explain himself. If you don't like what he has to say, then you've made your decision, and whatever that is, you can know you've heard all the information, at least give yourself that much."

I stared at Rosalie in silence. She'd never been this way with me before. At best she'd ignored me in the past.

"Thank you Rosalie." I finally replied.

She stood up then, and gazed out onto the horizon as the sun set.

"Whether you decide to stay with us or not, I think you should call me Rose, that's what family calls me."

I stood up as well, and after a second, wrapped my arms around her in a hug.

"Thank you Rose."

She nodded, and rolled her eyes, but she still kept one arm around my shoulders as we walked back to the woods.

"Come on, Alice is about to blow vein waiting for us." She grinned at me.

I grinned back and put my arm around her waist.

"Wouldn't want that now would we?"

**Hope you guys enjoyed it, and see that awesome little review button right here below? It wants you to push it.....go on....push it...you can do it....you know you want to......there you go!**


	5. Take a Bow

**A/N - Okay kids. I need some reviews here. I need to know if anyone is interested in this story, or if I should scrap it. Please, don't make me beg here. *clasping hands together and looking extremely pitiful* I have a definite idea of what I want to happen and where I want this to go, but please feel free to ask me why I've done something the way I have, or let me know if it doesn't quite make sense. I need some feedback! I want to make it good for you guys!**

**Alright, I'm done being whiny about reviews...for now:). I feel like this chapter will help show where Bella is coming from more, and let you into her own personal "pit of despair" and if you know what movie that is from, I give you a kiss *muwah!* (Don't judge me, it's past midnight, and I'm a little punchdrunk)**

Disclaimer- Not SM- but wouldn't mind trying it out for a day.

**Chapter 5- Take a Bow**

**You put on quite a show, you really had me going, but now it's time to go, curtains finally closing, **

**that was quite a show, but it's over now, go on and take a bow**.

BPOV

Rose and I caught up to Alice who was pacing by the edge of the farm. I threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled next to me. I needed to stop shutting her out so much and let her know how I felt.

"Okay Alice, here it is, it's going to take me a while to adjust to…well, everything. For instance what I am now, and what that means like never being able to talk to my parents again, and never going back to Forks until everyone that I love there is gone, not to mention that I am now looking at an eternity of existence."

Alice nodded silently.

"This is going to take me a while. Plus, I need to work through the hurt of you all leaving me, I'm sure you don't like hearing that, or knowing that it still really bothers me, but the bottom line is that it was a really bad time for me, and I have to work it out in my head, so please, just have some patience with me." I looked her in the eye and tried to be as honest as possible.

She still looked at me with sadness

"All the patience you need, Bella. I understand that you're mad, just please don't be mad forever." She pulled me in tightly to her arms.

"Deal." I squeezed her close and then let go.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, are we done with the emotional crap yet?" Rose stood with her arms crossed eyeing us.

"You're all heart Rose." I rolled my eyes, and Alice giggled.

She smirked back at me and lifted her eyes suggestively, "that's what she said."

"Geez Rosalie." Alice laughed, and I couldn't help but join in.

We walked back to the Cullens, it took us longer than I expected. I had no idea I'd run so far from their house. We could have hurried back, but it was nice just having this time with Alice and Rosalie, taking a minute where new issue or emotion wasn't being thrown at me.

My world still felt a pretty shaky, but I couldn't deny that they'd both made major efforts to bring me into this new life and back to their family.

As the house eventually came into view, I saw Edward pacing the front porch, Emmett standing on the steps with his hands on his hips. Somehow Edward hadn't heard Alice or Rose's approaching thoughts, and neither one had heard us walking towards them. Before long their conversation became loud enough for us to hear.

"What did you expect Edward?" Emmett said exasperatedly.

"I don't know, not that! Shit!"

I raised my eyebrows at Rose, such language from the holiest of them all. She just shrugged and kept walking.

"I don't know either dude." Emmett must have finally heard us because he turned to us with a smile of relief.

"Bella!" he came towards, Edward stopped pacing and stared at me much like he had before.

"Didn't I tell you not to run off and scare us again?" He crushed me to him. Was it just me or did this family get really into hugging in my absence?

"Sorry, Em, I needed a minute. Besides, I'm tough now remember? Nothing can hurt me" I smiled up to him, and tried not to think of the one who'd hurt me the most.

"I don't doubt it." He shifted his eyes to Edward. "You uh, doing alright?"

"I'm fine, really." Okay, so that was also kind of a lie, but I was a little tired of people asking me how I was doing. I knew it was only out of concern for me, but it almost made everything worse having to convince others that I was alright and having them tiptoe around me.

I let go of Emmett and walked up the steps to the house.

"Bella, I-" Edward started.

"I don't want to do this now." I stopped next to him, but still kept my face forward. Was I being a coward? Probably, but ugh, I just didn't want to face him. I wasn't sure I could handle anything else right now. "I'm going to take a shower."

I walked through the door before he could say anything else, and up the stairs again. Jasper was coming out of a second floor room when I passed by, I saw him open his mouth when he saw me.

"I'm fine." I supplied before he could ask.

"Okay then." He gave me a half smile as I continued up the stairs.

I went immediately into the bathroom and turned on the water to the shower before I was interrupted one more time. After quickly stripping, I ignored the urge to look at my new body again. It was weird, you get used to what your figure looks like because really, it pretty much stays the same, but then in the matter of hours, I got a completely new one.

I walked under the jets and let the hot water run over me, warming my now cooler body temperature. It felt wonderful. I knew that technically I didn't have muscles like when I was human and the water wasn't loosening them as before, but tension seemed to drain away regardless. Maybe I'd just stay in here forever. Alone, away from everyone that would make me hurt all over. It was safer in here, or just easier to avoid my problems.

EPOV

I watched Bella look at me with stranger's eyes and walk away. And it hurt like nothing I've ever felt before. It wasn't just the color that was different, although I mourned the absence of her beautiful chocolate brown eyes; it was the coldness that she expressed towards me.

I looked helplessly at my brother and sisters as my heart sank. Rosalie sighed and walked up the porch to stand in front of me.

"Looks like it's just my day for this." She tilted her head and patted my arm. Her thoughts briefly replaying her and Bella's conversation. I couldn't catch everything they talked about, but I saw them sitting by a barn.

"Give her a little bit of time. She's so confused, and hurt. Just let her sort herself out first, and then mend your fences."

I ran my hands through my hair making it stand on end.

"I can't _not_ do something!"

"You need to Edward, if you want her back, you need to."

"Yeah dude, seriously." Em put in.

Alice just lifted her shoulders in sheepish agreement. I blew out a breath hating my options, or lack thereof. _It's true Edward, I'm sorry._ _She thought._

"Fine." I went into the house and stormed up to my room. The smell of Bella hit me the second I walked in. A bag in the corner was emitting the heavenly fragrance.

I went to it, reaching down to open it, but stopped myself. Probably not a good idea to piss her off with my nosiness when she wasn't very favorable towards me as it were.

I ended up going to my window and looking out onto the last few minutes of the day. How had things gotten so screwed up so fast? When I'd left her in Forks, I'd known I was doing what was absolutely best for Bella. I never _wanted_ to leave Forks, but I was trying to do the right thing. It killed me to say goodbye! It ripped me to pieces having to tell her those vicious lies, those words of blasphemy. I never wanted to go a day without seeing her gorgeous face, her lovely smile, hear her melodic voice talking to me.

I ran another hand through my hair and gripped the strands in frustration. She needed to know that I did it for her! For her safety. It wasn't smart to be with me, I was a risky bet. A fatal bet! That was obvious enough Edward! I yelled at myself silently. Look what happened, she was still attacked! _All my fault_, I agonized. She should have a life, a normal human one where she would grow older, get married to a human boy, have children, watch them have children, and eventually die.

I winced at even the thought of Bella dying, but it was how life was supposed to work. What I am is not natural, it isn't right. You have to sell your soul for it. That's essentially what happens, your soul is traded for immortality, it doesn't matter that it usually against your will, a decision thrust upon you. Like Bella. She wasn't given the choice. Some monster, like me, changed her.

A growl rumbled in my chest. I would find him; I would rip him into pieces for touching her! She was mine; no one could touch her but me!

And I wanted to touch her. So badly. My mind took a quick turn from anger to lust. I wanted to touch her so much that my fingers twitched with need.

Bella had always been the loveliest creature I'd ever known, but after being separated from her for so long, her beauty hit me like a ton of bricks all over again. She was all the things she was before, but her features were accentuated. And she was strong now. I didn't have to worry about breaking her. I could crush her body to mine, feel the length of her shapely form pressed against me and not fear that I would hurt her. I could kiss her with all the force I'd held back when she was human. She could feel my desire and my passion that I felt for only her.

I felt the rush of desire pool down to my lap with just the idea of being with Bella intimately. I needed her, to live, to feel, to survive.

She had to talk to me, forgive me, _need_ me, as much as I needed her. I pressed my forehead gently to the glass and blew out my breath.

"Oh!"

I whirled around and about lost it completely when I saw Bella standing just inside the door wrapped in a tiny white towel. Her hair was wet and hung in thick ropes of rich brown around her face and down her back.

She clutched the towel at her breast and looked at me unhappily.

"I told you I didn't want to talk now."

"I know." I tried to keep my voice even, but it was lower, huskier than normal.

"Then why are you here?" she started to walk to her bag on the floor.

"Well, this is my room." I said slowly not wanting to make her angrier, but she'd come in here while I was already in here, not vice versa. Not that I'm upset about it, in fact, I'm thrilled to finally have a moment alone with her, even if I know the others can hear us with their heightened hearing.

She stopped her hand on the way to the handle of her bag and stood up straight again.

"You're right, it is….I forgot, Esme told me I could stay up here while I was visiting, but I'm sure there's another room I could use."

"You don't have to, you know, we could share this room."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She pursed her lips tightly.

Oh, I wanted to nibble on those lips, kiss and lick them until we were both satisfied. These thoughts were not helping anyone. I sighed and gripped the back of my neck with one hand.

"Why?"

"Because I …just don't" she lifted her chin as if defying me to argue.

"The choice is your's, love." I finally said quietly.

Her eyes snapped as she took two very fast strides up to me.

"Don't call me that." She said between her teeth, rapping her tightened fist on my sternum. Yeah, she'd definitely gotten stronger; I could feel all of that.

"Bella…" I was truly shocked by her anger; she'd never acted like this towards me before. It was unnerving, and, oh was I completely sick for being kind of turned on by it too?

"I'm sorry."

She looked away from me and bit her lip. The gesture was so reminiscent of the old Bella; I felt the corner of my mouth turn up in a small smile. I ran my thumb across her bottom lip to release it from her new sharper teeth.

"Don't do that, you'll cut yourself." I whispered.

Her eyes were bright and wide as she turned her head back towards me. The scent of her shower was driving me crazy. She smelled like freesia and sunshine. We looked at each other for a second before I instinctually leaned down and brushed my mouth against hers. It was the sweetest sin I'd ever committed. I combed my fingers through her silky hair, closing a handful of it in my fist.

Being this close to Bella before had always been a risk because I wanted her blood so much, I never wanted to lose control with her, but now, all the temptation to drink her blood was replaced with the equally powerful desire to consume her body, kiss every inch of her skin, touch every hidden part, feel her hum and moan beneath me.

My sexual haze was interrupted by Bella stepping back quickly.

"Stop! Stop it!" She breathed heavily, her chest heaving with emotion.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I started to walk to her.

"No!" she held up her hand to block me.

"This is not going to happen again Edward! I'm not going to let you play with me! You left me! You didn't want me, remember?" She was yelling now, her entire body shaking with emotion.

"I always wanted you. Always! I need you!" I pleaded quickly. She couldn't go on thinking that I didn't want her. She had to know the truth.

She shook her head vehemently, and backed away from me further.

"No, no, no, no! I went crazy when you left! _You_ made me crazy! I won't forgive you Edward! You don't get me just because I'm a vampire now."

"What? You think that's why I want you? Because you're a vampire?" I asked completely shocked.

"It sure makes things a little bit easier for you, doesn't it? I don't break as easily."

"I hate that this happened to you! I never wanted this life for you!" I could feel my voice rising in desperation.

"Oh, that's right, because you didn't want me enough to consider forever. Fine, I get it, but don't assume that since I am one now, you can use me for a passing convenience!"

"Bella" my heart broke all over again at her words. "Don't think that! Never think that! I love you; I wanted what was best for you, the safest! That's why I left! You know me! I wouldn't use you!"

"No, I thought I knew you, and _I loved _you." She spoke in a low voice, looking at me with such scorn. "_I loved you, damnit! _

She was practically screamed it.

"_I_ loved you, I wanted to give up everything for you, I would have followed you anywhere! Been anything for you! Why do you think I went to Alaska?" She spat.

I stood there stunned, finally understanding. The only place she knew we'd lived before Forks was Alaska. It truly was my fault, in every way. I forced myself to look her in the face instead of the floor like I wanted to do. I need to face what I had caused. Let her get out all of her anger.

"I was looking for you! All. I Wanted. Was. You." She enunciated each word, piercing them deeper into my battered heart.

"I'm so so sorry, Bella. Please…"

"Just forget it Edward." She looked at me stoically before finally walking to her bag, and snatching it up and going to the door. "Let's just forget everything."

I wanted to stop her, but she was already out of the room. I wanted to tell her all that was in my heart, but my brain was so jumbled, I didn't know if I could string together a proper sentence.

_Oh Edward, I'm sorry._

_She'll calm down, she's just upset from everything._

_We're here for you, son. Whatever you need._

_She's a lot feistier than I remember._

Everyone's thoughts were bombarding me at once. The last comment was from Emmett. Go freaking figure that that's what he'd come away with from our argument.

I moved to the couch and buried my hands in my hair. This was bad. She hated me, and I couldn't have been more in love with her. I just didn't know how to fix this mess that I'd made.

BPOV

I stormed out of Edward's room and down the first flight of stairs only to realize that I didn't have another room to go to.

Just freaking great!

"Bella." Alice stepped out into the hallway from a room. "Come in here."

I went into what must have been her and Jasper's room. Thankfully, he was no where to be found.

"It's okay, Jasper's in Carlisle's study. You can change, he won't come in."

"Hell Alice" I pulled some clothes out of my bag and let my towel drop, and threw them on quickly, screw modesty. I wasn't in the mood.

"What else can happen today?"

She smiled sympathetically, and then a horrified expression moved across her face when I turned around after changing.

"What?"

"What are you wearing Bella?" she was almost shrieking at me.

I looked down at my sweatpants and t-shirt.

"Clothes?"

I don't know why my tone made it sound like a question. These were most definitely clothes.

"No, those are rags, why are you wearing them? I thought you loved me. Is this your way of getting back at me? Is this all part of your plan for revenge?"

I tilted my head at her and smirked.

"You hilarious Al, really, a riot. I happen to like what I'm wearing, it's comfortable."

"No amount of comfort is worth the ugliness that you've got going on."

"Shut up Alice."

"Oh come on, you're a vampire now, you don't get uncomfortable anymore. You could wear the six inch heels for a week straight and you wouldn't even get a foot cramp. Put me out of my misery here, wear something pretty."

"I don't think I have anything that would pass muster." I mumbled irritated.

Actually, I wasn't that annoyed, I was glad she was keeping me from thinking of Edward. Oh Edward. There I go. I could feel myself start to spiral back down into emotional pits as his face swam in my head.

"Okay, Alice, make me over." I said impulsively. What I should have said was distract me please!

The squeal that came out of her little body was almost unworldly.

"Geez, it's a good thing my ears can't bleed anymore!"

"Sit down, sit down!" she ran to her closet and threw open the doors.

My eyes had to have bugged out, because this was not your normal closet, I thought it would be like three feet deep with one row of clothes like every other closet in America, oh no, these doors went into another _room_. And this room was lined with multiple racks of jeans, dresses, blouses, slacks, and holy hell more shoes than I could count.

"Oh sweet mother." I gasped.

"There's got to be something here that will fit you." She didn't even hear me. "I know that you're taller and curvier, you suck for that by the way, but…. I know!" She pulled out a pair of dark jeans, and a deep marigold toned crew neck sweater.

"Here!" She thrust them at me.

I rolled my eyes obligatorily, but grabbed them and started stripping again.

Surprisingly, I really liked it on. The sweater fit snugly and the color brought out the tones in my hair. The jeans were a little tight, but not bad, and they ended right at my ankle, making them look like cigarette pants.

"Hold on!"

She was gone and back before I could blink, throwing a pair of tan flats at me.

"Rose said you can have 'em if you want."

I slid them on and couldn't deny that the little elf that was Alice definitely knew how to dress a girl.

"I like it." I said running a hand through my hair which was drying and falling in waves down my back.

Alice rolled her eyes this time. "Of course you do. Here."

She handed me a hair brush and I combed out the tangles wanting to throw it up in a pony tail, but just leaving it down for now.

"I'm so ordering you new clothes today. And underwear!" She added quickly running to her laptop.

"Underwear?" I questioned. "I've got underwear."

"No, you've got granny panties, and while that's all fine and good for women over the age of 40, they are not fine for you. So consider that little cotton pair you've got on your last one."

"They're black bikini cut briefs!" I scoffed.

"Whatever, say goodbye to them and hello to Miss. Victoria Secret." She waved dismissively at me, focusing on her computer screen.

I blew out a breath in defeat.

"Well, while you're ordering the new and improved Bella Swan on your computer, I'm going downstairs. I need to talk to Carlisle."

"Yeah, okay, fine." Again, the weird little wave. I shook my head and left Alice to her own devices.

I wandered downstairs and looked through the house slowly. I did need to talk to Carlisle, but I wanted to explore a little.

There was a large family room on the main floor. It flowed into a sizable library that I was pretty excited about. On the other side of the house was a kitchen that I knew was mostly for looks, and a dining room with full banquet table which was probably never used.

I was getting ready to walk out to the backyard to scan the land around the house quickly, but I was stopped by Jasper's quiet voice behind me.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, Jasper." I walked back in, but he turned and guided me through the back door.

"I'd like to walk a little so the others can't hear us."

I furrowed my brow in confusion, but nodded and followed him down a rough path and to a tiny brook behind the house.

"What's up Jasper?" I realized suddenly that this was the first time I'd ever been alone with him. When I was human, I was always with Edward, and it was fairly risky for me to be with Jasper by myself since he struggled so much with his bloodlust. I felt bad for him. He couldn't help what his natural instincts told him to do. It really was out of his control.

"I just wanted to tell you something. You can tell the others if you want, but I wanted to give you the option to keep it to yourself if you'd rather."

"Alright."

"I overheard your argument with Edward."

"Oh." If I wasn't a vampire now, I'd be turning red with embarrassment.

"We all heard Bella, I'm sorry. It's just kind of the way it works in our family. It's pretty impossible to keep secrets from each other, with the super hearing and of course our gifts and all."

I nodded slowly, realizing that it _was_ pretty unavoidable.

"But what I really wanted to tell you was that I felt you during the argument."

"Okay." I said not understanding.

"I _felt_ you Bella." He emphasized.

It dawned on me then.

"I thought you said you couldn't in Alaska."

He scratched his head, probably more out of habit, than because his head actually itched.

"I couldn't, when I tried to figure out what you were feeling in the car on the way to the airport, I couldn't pick up anything, it was like you weren't even in the car with us. But today, when you were yelling at Edward, I was bombarded with wave after wave of anger, hurt, resentment, bitterness, confusion……just everything."

"Are you sure you weren't just feeling Edward?" Okay I know that was probably a stupid question, but I asked anyway.

"No I felt Edward too. He wasn't feeling angry or resentful, he was emitting hurt, and frustration, and confusion. There were definitely two sources of emotions hitting me. And about ten minutes after you left his room I couldn't feel you anymore"

"I'm sorry Jasper." I looked down at the ground and had to fight the urge to fidget.

"I'm not telling you so you'll feel bad, I'm fine, I'm used to other's emotions. I just wanted you to know. I haven't told anyone else. Not even Alice."

He really was a sweet guy. I was grateful that I could finally start to get to know him now.

"Thank you Jasper. Tell Alice if you want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to keep anything from her."

He nodded and smiled. "Thanks Bella."

"Sure. Thank you for telling me"

He nodded, and we started walking back to the house.

"Could you tell me where Carlisle's study is? I need to talk to him about some things."

"Sure, but Carlisle had to run to the hospital real quick. He should be home anytime, though. They had an emergency that he needed to take care of."

"Oh, okay, of course."

We walked back in through the door and saw Esme sitting at the dining room table reading a newspaper. It was so oddly normal that it surprised me. Maybe they used the table more that I'd originally thought.

"Hi." She smiled warmly as we came in.

"Hey Esme."

Jasper said hello too, and headed up to his and Alice's room.

"Where are Emmett and Rose?" I asked sitting down across from her at the table.

"Emmett needed to go hunting, so Rose decided to go with him."

"Ah." I picked up one of the discarded papers and started perusing through it. The print was familiar and it took me a second to realize it was The Forks News.

"Uh, Bella, maybe you-"

I turned the page and noticed a large picture of me with a large heading, "Police Chief's Only Child Still Missing" printed above it.

I slammed the paper down on the table and stood up reading quickly through the article.

_Forks Police Chief Charles Swan's daughter, Isabella Swan, age eighteen, still missing after a 72 hour search. Swan disappeared Saturday, March 22__nd __traveling to Florida. Seattle-Tacoma Airport officials have confirmed that Swan was seen boarding a flight to Anchorage, Alaska, reasons unknown. There is not word as to whether Swan made it to Alaska, or if she was seen exiting the airport. _

The article continued, but it was merely a laundry list of facts about me and my life. I stood still, stunned. I knew the repercussions of what I was now, and what had happened to me would be serious, but to see in print that Charlie was looking for me. That to the world, I had vanished into thin air, was mind-blowing.

"Bella, honey?" Esme came around the table and stroked a loving hand down my hair. "Are you alright?"

There was that question again. And I needed to be alright. This is just the way it is. I'm a new creation, that's what Alec had told me anyway, and really, no truer words could have been spoken.

I forced a smile on my face and looked at Esme.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you." It sounded robotic even to me.

"I'm sorry, this must be so hard." If vampires could cry, I think Esme would be crying for me right now.

"Thank you Esme. It is hard." I admitted. I could tell her this. "But this was inevitable."

"Doesn't make it easier. You can lean on us, Bella. We love you, you're a Cullen now, let us take care of you."

It felt like my throat was closing up, and my heart wanted to burst.

"I love you too Esme. I appreciate that, and I know you guys are here, but some things are best dealt with alone."

I truly did appreciate and believe her words, but I had to know that I could stand on my own two feet and not need to run to them for everything.

She shook her head, "Don't make yourself suffer alone; we want to share your burdens."

"Oh you will" I laughed lightly. "We do have eternity together."

"Thank goodness, sweet girl; we've wanted you since we first met you." She hugged me so tight.

"Oh Esme, I can't imagine a better mother for eternity."

"Oh!" She crushed me to her even more. It's a good thing I was a newborn, she'd have snapped me in two.

"Okay, I need to go or I'll just start blubbering all over myself!" She pulled away quickly.

I laughed, "But we can't cry!"

"I don't know, I think I can get pretty close!" she smiled wryly and whirled around to exit the room.

I shook my head and looked back down at the news article. I sat in my chair again and studied the picture of me. It was my school picture.

Nothing special to look at really. Wonder what Edward saw when he looked at me? I thought to myself.

I sighed thinking of our argument, thinking of that second before the fight when he'd kissed me. I closed my eyes and imagined the feeling of his soft lips on mine. It was heaven. So sweet, so wonderful, so right. His hands on my skin felt warm now that we were the same body temperature, but the electricity was still there. That shock to the system every time we touched. My stomach jumped thinking of how I was pressed up against him with only a towel between my body and his.

I loved that boy, and it was killing me. I was so conflicted, I could barely function. I wanted to run back to him and let him use me in any way he wanted. I would settle for the scraps of him if that's what it took. The other part of me was so angry, so unwaveringly bitter that someone could hurt me the way he did. He had to know how much I loved him, and he just walked away. Callously walked away from me.

I couldn't do that again. I couldn't let myself go through it all over again. So I had to ignore him, ignore this hole that was punched into my heart. Forget the way we'd been, the way I thought we would end up.

It was the only way I'd survive this. It's a good thing I had forever stretched before me; it would take me that long to get over Edward Cullen.


	6. A Little Less Sixteen Candles

**Hello friends! I just want you to know that I have stayed up until three in the morning to deliver this new chapter, so review it and make me a happy girl:) I know the start of the story may have been a little boring because a lot of things needed to be set up, but I feel like we are finally moving into the meat of this little tale. So thank you to those that have stuck with me and are still reading. I truly do appreciate it. I hope you like where it's going.**

**Just a warning, there is steaminess in this chapter. So read with caution:)**

Disclaimer- Not SM, just little ol' me.

**Chapter 6 – A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"**

_I don't blame you for being you, But you can't blame me for hating it  
So say, what are you waiting for? Kiss her, kiss her_

BPOV

I don't know how long I sat at the kitchen table staring at the newspaper. I didn't keep reading it. I just stared at the article and picture of me. This is what I used to be, I thought. This is what I would never be again.

It was so surreal because I felt different certainly than when I was human, but in so many ways, I felt exactly the same. Trying to reconcile the two was frustrating. What was I capable of now that I wasn't before, and vice versa.

I noticed that the sun was now coming up over the horizon. The sky was still a dreamy deep gray blue, but it was definitely starting to get lighter. I watched the light filtering weakly in through the cloud cover when a black Mercedes pulled up to the house. Carlisle.

I realized how desperately I really did need to talk to him. He stepped out of his car and walked up to the front door looking as fresh as always. I wonder if his hospital personnel ever questioned his constant flawlessness.

I mentally waved the thought away. Not important, not a priority right now.

I met him at door.

"Hello Bella." He didn't seem surprised to see me waiting at the door. "How are you doing this morning?"

"Good thanks." I paused for a second feeling strangely awkward. "Uh, could I talk to you for a second, maybe in your study or something?"

"Sure." He nodded pleasantly. "Come on back."

He led me through the kitchen and down a little hallway. He opened a somewhat obscure door to a large room that was lined wall to wall with books that looked to be a mixture of history and medical journals.

"What can I do for you, Bella?" He sat his briefcase on the large oak desk and sat down behind it.

"Well," I didn't quite know where to begin. I had a lot of random things to talk to him about, and I couldn't seem to settle my thoughts enough to speak plainly.

"First I wanted to double check about staying here. I know that Esme said I could stay for…well forever, but I don't want to impose and I can figure something else out if I need to."

He stayed quiet for a minute studying me with that patient, unwavering gaze of his. It unnerved me.

"Shame on you Bella." He said so quietly, it was almost as loud as a breath.

"Wha.." I was confused.

"Do you not know how much we want you in this family? How much we consider you one of our own?"

He didn't say this angrily, but in a calm voice of reason.

And suddenly, I did feel ashamed. Had Esme not, just last night told me and showed me how much she wanted me with them? Had Alice and even Rosalie not made me feel welcome? Jasper not sought me out to help me? I was ungrateful, and annoyingly needy for reassurance that I should be with the Cullens.

I tilted my chin up at Carlisle and looked him in the eyes.

"I apologize. You're right; you've all done nothing but be kind and loving to me. I should take you at your word and trust that you mean it when you say I'm welcome to stay with you."

"Good." He smiled warmly. "Now, what else is bothering you?"

Trust Carlisle to see right through me.

"Well, there are a couple things. I thought you may want to know that Edward and I had an argument, and during it, I got, well really upset, and Jasper could feel my emotions, which he could not do before."

"Well that is interesting." He leaned forward in his chair; I could practically hear his mind working.

"What do you think it means? I mean, when I was human, Jasper could use his gift on me, and Alice could see me, but they couldn't after I had changed, except for last night of course. Why would that happen?" I twisted my hands in my lap.

"I think you're a shield Bella."

I looked at him blankly.

"It's like you have a force field around your brain. It protects you, keeps those around you unable to press their powers onto you. So since you already showed signs of this gift as a human, they've multiplied exponentially during your change. It's really amazing." Carlisle explained with excitement filtering through his voice.

"Okay," I said slowly, "but what about when Jasper could feel me for those few minutes?"

"The best guess I can come up with off the top of my head is that you were so overcome with emotion that you allowed, let's say, cracks into your shield. So things were able to penetrate it. It's definitely something to think about."

Carlisle got up quickly and walked to a row of books, plucking one out, he leafed through it before stopping at a page.

"Here! I have an account here of a vampire who was a shield. He could allow others through the shield when he wanted to, and then shut them out again. And, oh here it is yes, he could actually stop other's gifts altogether too! So remarkable really. Your possibilities are seemingly endless Bella."

"In fact," he tapped the page, "I bet that's why you have such extraordinary control for a newborn! You're brain is blocking out your pressing need to feed all the time. It's allowing you to focus on other things."

"Huh." Was my brilliant answer. "I didn't think I would have a gift."

He smiled handing me the book in his hands. "Quite the opposite I'd say, you have a very special gift. Very rare. Take this and read up if you like. It may help you understand it better."

"Thanks Carlisle."

I stood up getting ready to leave.

"Oh, Bella, before you go, I do have a question, I hope you won't mind telling me. I wanted to wait to ask you about how you were changed in case you didn't want to talk about it, but when you are ready, I'd very much like to hear about it. That is whatever you can remember of it of course."

"Well," I frowned slightly. "I remember all of it."

He looked at me with puzzlement. "You remember everything? You don't have any holes or times of displacement?"

"Uh," I shrugged and scratched my head. "No, I mean, I was standing in Denali National Park next to the green Jeep that I'd rented at the Anchorage Airport, and then a boy walked up to me, it took me a second to figure out he was a vampire, and then he told me that he wanted to keep me. He bit me, I went through the change, in about a day and half, I could hear him talking during the process, and then I woke up. He told me again that he wanted to keep me, which is why he didn't kill me when he bit me, and I ran away. That's when I found Alice and Jasper."

Carlisle stared at me with total shock on his face. "You remember exactly what you were doing at the time? You were coherent during you transformation? You could hear him talking?"

His voice became more high pitched with each question.

"Yeah."

"Amazing! Do you know his name? Of the one who changed you?"

"Alec." I hoped he didn't ask more about him, I didn't want to reveal how inappropriate and downright creepy he had been.

Carlisle's eyes sharpened.

"What did he look like?"

"Uh, light brown hair, looked around sixteen or so, thin. Kind of well…weird acting." I shrugged again trying to look indifferent.

"What did you hear him say when you were changing?"

"Something about not being able to take the pain away."

"He'd tried to take away the pain? Of your transformation? Did he show an oddly special interest in you?" Carlisle looked at me a little wearily.

"I guess," this conversation was getting stranger by the minute. "He just kept saying what I told you about keeping me."

"Alright. Well, I can probably chalk up his inability to ease your pain during the transformation because of your shield."

"Is there something else you're not telling me Carlisle?"

I eyed him this time.

"No, not yet anyway. I want to think about everything that you've told me though."

"Okay." I finally said. "I guess I'll talk to you later."

Carlisle nodded and sat back down in his chair. He opened his briefcase and began taking papers out and laying them on the desk.

I carried the book to the living room and sat down on the window seat to read about what my enigmatic brain could be capable of. Most of the section discussed in depth what Carlisle had already explained to me. This vampire, a male in the late 1940's could in fact control the gifts of others, blocking them from use completely on top of being immune to them himself.

At the end of the last page it discussed briefly a sister gift of the shield, someone who possessed this was known as a binary sentinel. It essentially meant that this gift could do all that a normal shield could do, but instead of just blocking other's gifts, they could borrow them temporarily. It was actually really freaking cool. I doubt that I possessed it, but maybe I'd be able to work up to trying it out eventually.

"Hey Bella, what are you doing?" Emmett walked in and plopped down on the couch.

"Just reading." I waved the book at him and smiled. Something about him just made you want to smile and be happy.

"Cool, what are you reading?"

"A book Carlisle gave me. It's about immortal gifts or something. He thinks I'm a shield."

"No way! That's awesome. Makes sense though, since Edward could never read your mind or whatever."

"Yeah, that must be it." I said lamely. I didn't want to talk about Edward.

"So I heard you guys fighting. That sucks."

I almost wanted to start laughing because he put it so succinctly. Yes, it did suck, and there wasn't much else to say about it.

"Yeah."

"So you guys going to work things out soon? You really should. It's important to get along with your mate you know."

"He's not my mate." I grumbled. I did not like the idea of him hearing this conversation, or the rest of the family hearing it for that matter. It was going to take some getting used to, this no privacy thing.

"Yeah he is, come on Bella. I'm not blind."

"Emmett, it's done, why are we talking about this?" This was not going anywhere good fast.

"I'm just saying, that we only really have each other, so there's no point in fighting. I mean, it happens sure, we're not perfect, we get mad at one another, but sometimes, you just gotta give. Let bygones be bygones. Take the high road. Make it water under the bridge. Keep your eye on the bigger picture. Live each day like-"

"I get it Emmett!" I yelled finally cutting him off.

He shrugged unperturbed.

"Take it from your new extremely charming, good looking, and smart big brother. Don't torture yourself unnecessarily."

I sighed. "Alright Emmett. I'll think about it."

"Good girl," He grinned and stood. "Well, since I've done my good deed for the day, I'm going to go find Rosie and remind her why she can't keep her hands off me."

"Uh! Thanks for the over share!" I clasped my hands over my ears and cringed.

He laughed loudly and bounded, yes bounded, out of the room.

So I needed to not torture myself unnecessarily huh? I don't think I was torturing myself, I think Edward was torturing me. Killing me slowly with his stunningly handsome face, totally kissable mouth, oh geez that mouth, I just wanted to lick and nibble on that bottom lip every time I saw him, his incredibly sculpted arms and chest that were hard when pressed against me. That exquisite voice that made me melt into a puddle of hormones when he said my name. I could feel myself getting worked up at just the thought of him.

Damn him! Damn his sexy body!

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed in sexual frustration. Who knew vampires were so starved for sex? I mean I wanted to have sex as a human, don't get me wrong, but it was like the hormonal urges were working double time. I blame Edward. I think that's going to be my new mantra, if something annoys me or pisses me off, I'll just blame Edward. Seems like a good plan.

I looked up at the sound of someone coming downstairs and watched that magnificent body walk into the living room.

He looked up and seemed surprised to see me. Oh yeah, he couldn't hear my thoughts, thank goodness, so he probably didn't expect anyone down here.

"Uh hey," he said uncomfortably.

"Hello." I said flatly. I think I'm going to blame him for having sex hair too.

"I uh, was just going to go hunting, do you want to go?" He didn't look me in the eye.

"No thanks." Again, I said it without inflection. I was good at this whole being a bitch thing. Maybe I'll ask Rosalie for some extra pointers, she's good at it too.

He nodded and walked to the door and outside.

I stared at the closed door and couldn't help the thought of making love to him on the window seat I was sitting on. On the couch. On _his_ couch. Against his door. In the shower. Ugh! Stop it! Not helping!

"Whoa!" My head snapped up to Jasper who had just walked down the stairs too. "What are you thinking about?"

"What? Why?" I asked nervously, oh please don't tell me he felt the lust rolling off me like heat waves!"

"You just had a really intense look on your face." He smiled a little too smugly for my comfort.

"Uh nothing." I mumbled looking down.

"Huh? What was that?" He asked barely suppressing his laughter.

"Just torturing myself unnecessarily." I got up and walked out the door.

Edward was just reaching the edge of my eyesight range when a thought hit me. So okay, he didn't want to be with me forever. I got it. But that didn't mean I had to suffer did it? That didn't mean we could be intimate. Maybe we could work out some kind of arrangement. I don't know. Maybe I was thinking crazy, but where was the flaw? We could get some mutual satisfaction out of this. He doesn't want long term; I don't expect it now, so now that we're on the same page, maybe we can have something else.

_It's only going to hurt worse when it end,s stupid. _Oh hello conscience. I haven't heard from you in a while. Thanks for showing up at the suckiest time ever!

I ignored the warning and started walking in the direction I'd see Edward go. I may not have not been able to get him to be with me when we were together; so maybe I needed him to break up with me so I could finally get lucky with him.

EPOV

The forest was rampant with animals that I could have been feeding on, but I just couldn't quite get into it. You'd think I'd like to work off my frustration by hunting, but really, my heart just wasn't there, and to be honest, I wasn't even that hungry, I just wanted to get out of the house for while. I could smell Bella everywhere, hear her sweet voice, see her in my family's thoughts. It was driving me crazy.

Then I walked downstairs and there she was curled up on the window seat with a book looking more perfect than anyone had a right to. Her hair was down around her face, tousled in sexy waves with the light catching each facet of color.

You're such a female Edward, talking about her hair color facets! Get a grip man!

A twig snapped behind me, and I whirled to see Bella standing ten feet behind me. I must have been out of it to not have noticed her sooner.

"Bella, wha-"

I was cut off by her lips suddenly on mine. She moved fast, I had to hand it to her. Then my mind completely lost all train of thought as she nibbled lightly on my bottom lip.

Oh my….what was she doing to me? I thought she was pissed off at me, but here she was driving me slowly to madness with her mouth and her small hands roaming up my chest and up to my hair gripping it tightly in her fists.

"Mmmm" I couldn't stop the moan from escaping. My arms went automatically around her waist pulling her closer to me. She had to be able to feel my excitement; it was harder than I ever remembered it being before.

"Bella!" I finally, regretfully came up for air. "What's going on? What are you doing?"

Her eyes stayed on mine. They were slowly turning to gold, but had enough red in them to make them almost orange, and they were unmistakably full of lust.

"I want you. I need to feel you Edward. I don't want to be mad forever. And I don't want to go another minute not kissing you, touching you, having you inside me."

My breath caught in my throat. I was a dead man. She'd whispered the words in my ear and I about lost it right there.

"Bella, ugh" I groaned and inadvertently ground into her. I swear I didn't mean to, my body just did it without permission. But as soon as she felt me against her she gave as good as she got and pulled herself in tighter to me, bringing her lips back to mine, searing me with the most mind-blowing kiss.

"We can't just…" I said against her mouth. Oh but I really, really wanted to.

"Yes we can." She started kissing my neck. A purr rattled softly in my chest when she hit a certain spot behind my ear.

"Please, Edward. I want you to. Take me."

Oh sweet mother, was her hand on my….yeah it was definitely on my dick. I think my eyes just rolled back in my head.

She rubbed me firmly against her palm, and somehow I got even harder.

"Wait, Bella, wait. We need to talk."

"No talking." She stepped back from me and pulled her sweater over her head, and threw it on the ground, then she started on her jeans. They joined her sweater. She reached behind her back and unclasped her bra and shrugged that quickly off.

"Bella" I breathed. She was exquisite. Perfection personified. Her body was pale and glowed ethereally. Her breasts were high and rounded. Her eyes were wide on mine as I stared at her. I needed to take control. I needed to _find_ control. This just wasn't right, something didn't add up here. But all I could see was Bella, my Bella, and she was all I could focus on.

I took two steps and pulled her to me by her waist.

"I love you" I said fiercely as I picked her up and wrapped her legs around my hips.

"Edward, let's not-"

"I love you!" I clenched my teeth and said it louder. I thrust myself against and reveled at the ecstasy coursing through my body.

She tilted her head for a millisecond and fused her mouth to mine again. All thoughts flew from my mind at that point. I whipped my shirt off and flung it away as she wrestled with my jeans.

She shimmied up me a little to let the now unbuttoned pants fall to the ground. Bella's nipples rubbed against my chest as she moved and I couldn't see straight. I ran a hand up the back of her neck and into her hair, and skimmed another hand over her breast.

"Yes!" she hissed arching her back.

"So beautiful, you're so beautiful." I murmured rolling the nipple between my fingers. I could feel her wetness seeping through her panties and onto my stomach.

I kicked off my shoes and jeans and lowered us to the floor, so that she was straddling me. Immediately Bella started rubbing against me. She had to stop, I was going to come before I was even inside of her.

I ripped her panties in my impatience, and then shockingly she ripped my boxers. I looked at her stunned and damnit if she didn't smirk back.

"Now, Edward, touch me!" she bit my collar bone lightly.

My fingers skimmed the lips between her thighs and she bucked her hips. So sensitive, my girl was so responsive to me. I wanted to devour her. Consume every last inch of her. I rubbed her clit in small circles spreading the wetness between her legs.

"So fucking good." Such a dirty word coming from such a sweet little mouth.

I groaned and thrust a finger inside of her.

"Oh yeah…shit… like that" She was killing me what that mouth.

"Like that baby?" I ground out.

"Mmmm"

"Ugh" her hand wrapped around my dick and my vision wavered for a minute.

"Inside me Edward, please, now, so ugh, good."

I picked her up by the waist and settled her back down on my dick. We both groaned loudly. She was so tight, and warm. This wasn't going to take me long. I moved my finger back to her clit and rubbed harder. Her breath whooshed out as she arched against me.

"Oh baby, yeah." She clenched her fists in my hair again and it only served to drive me harder in pleasuring her.

"Oh, OH!" I could feel her clenching around me, so I shut my eyes so that I wouldn't go too. She needed to cum first.

Her hips bucked hard as she came on me. The sexiest thing I will ever see is Bella having an orgasm. As soon as she'd ridden it out, I flipped us over and laid her back to the ground and began pumping my hips into her.

Her eyes were half-lidded as they clouded with desire again. She moved with me and before long I could feel her walls closing around me again. I knew I was getting close too, with a few more thrusts, we both were falling over the edge.

"Edward, oh Edward." She chanted softly.

"Bella, baby, ugh"

We rode out the orgasm and I buried my face in her neck. I loved this girl so much. I'd waited so long to be with her like this. To feel her like this. I couldn't believe it was finally here. This moment was so huge. Bigger than anything in my life before.

I rolled us over so that she was sprawled out on my chest as I ran my fingers softly through her hair and down her spine.

"Are you okay, love?"

I felt her face muscles wince slightly.

"Yes, are you?" her voice was so soft, so lovely.

"I'm wonderful. That was wonderful. You're wonderful!" I kissed the top of her head and hugged her to me.

"I love you." I whispered.

She sighed and slowly sat up, reaching for her clothes.

"I guess I'll be going commando back to the house." She joked lightly pulling her jeans on.

"You and me both." I smiled choosing to ignore her lack of response to my declaration of love.

"Yeah, uh sorry." She smiled sheepishly.

"We're even." I shrugged my t-shirt back on, and stepped into my jeans.

We started walking back to the house.

"So, don't you think we should talk maybe?" I began.

"No."

There was that tone again, the one she used when she wanted to end a conversation as fast as possible.

"We just made love, Bella. You don't think it's time to work some stuff out?"

"There's nothing to work out. We are where we are. We both wanted to have sex, so we did."

"That's all it was to you? Mutual orgasms?"

"Don't make it crass and dirty?"

"Why not?" I could feel the anger and hurt bubbling up in me. "You are."

"No, I'm calling it what it is. I know the drill Edward. We'll enjoy each other until one of us decides we're done. You know how that works don't you?"

I stopped walking and stared at her.

"What!?"

"You'll be done with me soon enough, and we'll both move on, but for now, this works. At least this time I know when you say you love me, you mean it temporarily."

She continued to the house and never looked back, even as she splintered my heart into pieces with her words.

I couldn't find anything to say in reply. I could barely register it all in my mind. The love of my existence just turned me into a fuck buddy.

**Review please:)**


	7. Sex on Fire

**Okay my pretties, I know this is short, and I apologize, but in my meager defense, it's been a crazy holiday season, AND even though it's shorter, I feel like it keeps everything moving along nicely....if I do say so myself...and I do:) I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for the reviews last time. Kisses to those you did it, and finger shakes at those of you who didn't...bad bad readers. **

**Disclaimer- Not SM.**

**Chapter 7 – Sex on Fire**

Hot as a fever, rattling bones. I could just taste it, taste it. If it's not forever, if it's just tonight.

Oh it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest.

BPOV

What are you doing? What the _hell_ are you doing?

This played on loop through my brain as I walked back into the house. I was confused. I was upset, and heaven save me my body felt _alive_. I could still feel his hands on me. In me. His beautiful face so close to mine while we made love.

Stop it Bella! I scolded myself. You had sex. It was sex. Don't romanticize it.

"Hey Bella!" Alice bounded down the stairs. "What in the world happened to your clothes! Did you go hunting again?"

She furrowed her brow at me, staring at my wrinkled and dirty garments.

"Uh, I don't think she went hunting, not for food anyway." Jasper spoke up behind her.

"Jasper." My voice was low and full of warning. I did not want him inside my emotions right now. "Can you feel me? Be honest."

"No, you just look like, well you know, and I can smell Edward on you." He smiled sheepishly.

I was pretty worked up when I came in so I wouldn't doubt for a minute that he could feel me. However, I know Jasper wouldn't lie to me so thank goodness for small blessings.

Alice leaned into me and sniffed.

"Whoa, hello sex and candy." She jumped back and laughed.

"Really, Marcy's Playground? Ugh! I'm getting in the shower, you two better keep this to yourselves or the newborn will be pissed." I pointed threateningly at them, and ran upstairs.

I was lathering my hair when I heard the door to the bathroom open.

"Hey slut."

"Come on in Rose, door's always open." My sarcasm didn't seem to faze her as she sat on the toilet lid and crossed her legs.

"So, I hear someone got lucky."

"You better stop right there. I do not want to discuss this with Carlisle and Esme in the house."

"Oh calm down Prudence, they went into town."

"So I'm a slut and a prude? Who knew I was so talented?"

I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Rose threw a towel at me and I wrapped it around myself.

"How did you know anyway? I told Alice and Jasper to keep it to themselves."

"Don't get snippy, I saw Edward out back. He's got that 'broody, I feel so lost in my own turmoil, I can barely function' look on his face. Plus, he's all dirty and smells like you." Rose flipped her hair behind her shoulder. "I figure you're the culprit for these charges. How do you plea?"

"Guilty." I mumble crossing my arms.

"Good girl." She smiled smugly at me.

"What?"

"It's about time you guys let go of some that sexual tension. It was about drive us all up a tree. Seriously, I think Alice got lucky twice as much because Edward was killing Jasper with all that hormonal need."

"Remind me to tell Alice she's welcome later. Are you here for a reason?"

Surprisingly, she laughed instead of glare at me.

"I like the new Bella, you are way more fun. Kind of sassy. I think we're going to be friends. But yes, there is a reason for my visit. Alice _did_ tell me that she has some clothes laid out for you on her bed. I figured I'd give you some shit while I was here."

"That's what family is for." I grumbled leaving the bathroom and heading for Alice and Jasper's room.

"Now you're catching on." Rose paused in the doorway.

"Come find me when you're ready to talk."

I opened my mouth, but she cut me off.

"I know that you're not ready now, but when you are….you know where I'll be."

I nodded, and she shut the door behind her as she left.

Crazy, freaking weird, unbelievably wonderful Cullens. What was I going to do with them for eternity?

I looked down at the long purple and gray plaid flannel shirt, black leggings, and skinny black belt that Alice had laid out for me. Looks like I'm going sans panties since my last pair was ripped to shreds by one sexy Edward Cullen.

I threw the clothes on and sat down on the bed. Alone, in the quiet, my mind raced back to the mind-blowing sex I'd just had. I thought you were supposed to hate first time sex. Wasn't it supposed to hurt like a mother? Oh wait, forgive me. I'm a vampire, I won't hurt like that anymore, _this_ was a perk I hadn't thought of…painless virgin sex. I like it.

I'm strong; stronger than everyone else right now….hmmm, I wonder if I hurt Edward in the throes of passion. I didn't even think about that before. I couldn't think about it though, I was too busy getting screwed….literally, and loving every second of it. At least until the end when he wanted to get all, 'let's feel our feelings and discuss.'

It's not that I don't think it's healthy to talk through conflict. But really, with Edward and me, what's the freaking point? We are where we are, and we are _what_ we are. Why confuse the issue? He doesn't need to declare love and devotion to get in my pants. Obviously. I threw myself at him and gave into my wanton desires. So why is he clouding the situation?

Maybe Rose was completely right. He was too broody and over-analytical. Then again, he'd always been like that, it's one of the things I love about him. Uh, it's one of the things I _used_ to love about him that is. The way he'd stare into me like I was the only person in the room, in the world more like it. His eyes would hold such intensity, I thought I'd internally combust if he didn't look away. Like he was consumed with me, consumed with us….

No, no, no, I don't want to think about it. Stick to the mantra, 'no matter what happens, its Edward's fault', 'blame Edward', and I'm thinking another good one would be 'let's not talk about it.' Yeah, I can live by those words for sure.

I sighed and stood up. I need to do something. Keep myself busy, so I don't go try and seduce Edward again. Mmmm, Edward's mouth, I think of his bottom lip and feel myself getting wet. Stop, control yourself Bella!

Control! That's it! I need to work on my 'gift'. That will keep me busy.

I jog downstairs and head for Carlisle's office. There must be some books that can help me out. The door is shut, so I knock before going in.

Jasper is sitting in an armchair reading a thick textbook.

"Hey professor, what are you reading?" I walk over to him and glance down at the pages.

"Hey slut, just a history book."

"Okay, we are not going to be referring to me as 'slut' anymore. That goes for everyone" I raise my voice slightly knowing they can all hear me. Jasper just laughs and shakes his head.

"Sorry, Rose told me to do it, and I've got to say, it was funnier seeing your reaction than I'd anticipated, but I'll be nice now."

He closed his book and put it back on the shelf.

"What are you up to?"

"I am looking for some information." I say scanning the shelves.

"About?"

"Vampire gifts."

"Like being a shield?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" I turned in surprise.

"I heard your conversation with Emmett. Sorry." He added at the last minute.

"Don't apologize; I just keep forgetting how we just know everything about each other."

"It is kind of strange, but you really do get accustomed to it."

"Hopefully."

"So what do you want to know about it?"

"Well Carlisle said something about me being able to control it and use it, but I don't know how, so I wanted to study up on it, see if there was a way I could practice with it."

"Sure, there are plenty of books in the library that talk about gifts as well as some that Carlisle keeps in here, but honestly, Edward could help you the most."

"Why do you say that?"

"Our friends in Denali had a shield in their coven, Irina. She and Edward were friends; they spent a lot of time working with her gift. He knows the most about it out of all of us."

"Go figure." I moan

Jasper laughed lightly.

"He really could help you, and I'm sure if you set some boundaries, he'd stick to them if you were that uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I don't know if that's the problem." I plopped down on the brown leather couch behind me and sulked.

"It's up to you Bella." He shrugged and left the office.

Well crap! Crap, crap, crap! This wasn't what I had in mind for keeping busy and my mind off Edward.

I wanted to think of Edward when we were having sex. I didn't want to have to work at having friendship that included quality time yet.

I heard a knock on the door frame and I tilted my head back to see the aforementioned sex god standing at the threshold.

"Uh, hey, Jasper said something about you maybe wanting to talk to me?" he sounded nervous, but I heard the excitement in his voice. He was probably hoping I would want to talk about our emotions. Forget that. Not happening today buddy.

I stood up and faced him. He was still dirty from our little tryst in the forest, and wow, now I know what Alice and Jasper were talking about. I definitely got a whiff of eau de sex wafting off of him.

And damn if it didn't turn me all kinds of on.

He raised his eyebrows at me. I must have had that 'do me right now' look in my eye.

Not a bad idea actually, but I wouldn't attack him in Carlisle's office. There was hot, and there was disrespectful.

"Uh, yeah come with me." I walked passed him through the door and heard as he sucked in his breath quickly through his nose.

That's odd, I should smell good, I showered, _I_ was clean. Then I started up the stairs and caught a faint whiff of my arousal…ohhhh. He could smell _that_. Interesting. I smirked over my shoulder and led him up to his room on the third floor. Okay, so turns out maybe I am a bit of a slut. I kind of like it.

The minute we entered the room, I fisted my hands in his shirt and pulled him up to me.

"Hello lover." I murmured as I crushed my mouth to his. He got out a garbled noise of surprise before I shoved us both against the door.

"Mmmm" his taste was heady and potent and I wanted more.

He started to gently push me away from him, but I lowered my hands and squeezed his ass.

"Oh hell."

I licked that bottom lip of his that drove me crazy and slid my body against his. He was hard, and not just where it counted most. His chest was solid, his arms tethered with sinewy muscle that flexed as he held on to me. His thighs were strong and muscular against mine.

"I want you again." I murmured to his ear.

"Bella." He breathed, his head rolling back, and rapping smartly on the wooden door. "What are you doing to me?"

"Hopefully turning you on." I unbuttoned his jeans, and pulled him out. I hadn't given myself the pleasure of really enjoying what Edward was endowed with the last time we were together, I would rectify that now. He was perfect, long and thick, and his skin was like hot velvet.

I dropped to my knees and threw any remnants of caution to the wind.

"Ugh!"

"Mmm" I licked, and took inch by delicious inch into my mouth until I couldn't take anymore. My hand covered what I couldn't with my mouth, and as smoothly as I possible, began pumping him. He gripped one hand on the door knob and the other went automatically to the back of my head.

"Baby, ugh….so….good, feels….oh…ugh!"

His noises only spurred me on, and made me wetter.

"Stop, Bella, I'm going to… you have to stop or –" I picked up speed and before long, he came hot and hard in my mouth.

I moaned at the sensation. It should have been alarming and strange since it was my first time pleasuring Edward, or anyone for that matter in this way. But in reality, it was the most erotic thing ever, taking that part of Edward into my body was so intimate and amazing.

I pulled my mouth off of him and he slid down the door so that he was eye level to me.

"You're going to kill me." He said weakly.

"What a way to go." I smiled triumphantly.

"Come here," he opened his arms to me, and as much as I knew it would be best to resist, I couldn't. I crawled towards him and he nestled me on this lap against his chest.

"I think it would be so sexy and erotic tasting you too." He whispered to me.

"What?" I tried to focus on his words, but I was surrounded in his arms, in his scent and I wanted to stay there forever.

"When you said that taking that part of me into your body was erotic, I think it would be for me with you as well." He explained.

"I didn't say that out loud."

"I heard you."

I didn't _mean_ to say that out loud.

"Huh, I must have then."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of Bella. I want to do that to you too. I want to pleasure you."

A shiver of electricity ran up my spine at the thought of Edward between my thighs.

"Yes." I breathed, turning my face into his neck.

"Then we will definitely do it, my love."

His endearment caused a sharp pain to my heart, but I did my best to ignore the words, and ignore the hurt.

"Is this what you wanted to 'talk' to me about?" There was a smile in his voice.

I laughed, I couldn't help it.

"Well, it wasn't what Jasper had in mind, I know that."

"What did he think we were going to discuss?" Edward stroked my hair softly.

"I need to harness my gift. Be able to use it when I want to. He thinks I should ask you to help me do that. Carlisle thinks I'm a shield."

"It would certainly make sense for you to be one. But how am I supposed to help?"

"You were friends with Irina, another shield? And she showed you how she used her abilities as a shield. Maybe you can show me what she shared with you"

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Okay, we can try some stuff." He stood up, pulling me with him.

"Let me take a shower and meet me downstairs in the library in thirty minutes."

I nodded and left the room.

I hoped he would be able to help me figure out what it was that I should be able to do with this gift.

"Hey slut, heard you made Edwardo a man finally. 'Bout time." Emmett leaned against the stair post on the second floor.

"That's right," I lifted my chin in defiance to him. "I did have sex, and I enjoyed it, so if that makes me a slut, then all of you are just as shameless.

"Oh yeah!" Emmett laughed loudly. "Ain't that right Rosie."

Rose stepped out of their room and laughed too. "You know it, now come back in here so I can be an even bigger hussy."

"Thanks Bella, owe you one." He ran in the room and slammed the door behind him.

"Ahhh! What the hell is wrong with this family!"

Thirty minutes to the second later, Edward walked into the library in a fresh gray t-shirt and dark jeans. He looked…delectable of course, but I needed to focus on other things if I was ever going to learn how to use my gift.

Maybe this was part of being a newborn, insatiable sex drive. Then again, maybe it was just a part of being a teenager. Well, six one way, half a dozen another probably. I was young and impulsive, and I wanted sex. End of story.

"Okay, ready to begin?"

"Yes. Teach me, mold me, bend me to your will, Master." I smiled and stood up from the window seat where I was waiting.

"Ha, I'll assume you only mean that in the purely educational sense." He had a gleam of mischief in his eye.

"What else would I mean?" I grinned back.

"Oh so many things, but I won't mention them."

He sat cross legged in the middle of the room and gestured for me to mirror his position.

"What are we doing?" I asked settling in across from him.

"We need to work on your focus. Here, place your hands in mine and close your eyes. Good."

I could feel the warmth of his hands gently holding mine, our knees lightly touching.

"Now, listen to my voice and only my voice. Block out all other sounds. Hear only the tone of my words. Relax your mind. Think of the place you are happiest, where you feel the safest."

I imagined Charlie's house, the cluttered rooms, the smell of Charlie's aftershave in the air after he'd leave for work in the mornings, the sunlight that filtered into the kitchen while I ate breakfast. The utter sense of home overwhelmed me.

"Now, wherever you are, think of a door."

I conjure up the image of our front door.

"Walk towards that door, Bella. On the other side of that door is freedom. Freedom to allow your mind to be open to anything. Your mind has a bubble around it, when you walk through that door, your bubble will still be there, but it will be penetrable. It will allow itself to be vulnerable. Open the door, Bella."

I walk to the door in my mind and reach for the handle. I can almost feel its coldness against my skin. I turn the knob and open the door. I step out onto the porch. And I hear voices all around me. No one is standing with me, but I can hear them. I know them.

I hear Alice and Jasper speaking to one another about book that Jasper has been reading on WWII, and Jasper is excited, I can feel his excitement over what he's just read to Alice. And she's content, not excited like Jasper, but just content and happy.

I can hear Rose and Emmett, and they are having ….sex I think. The moans and groans are disturbing at best, and uncomfortable at the least. I can almost feel their lust, but its faint, like its being filtered, or blocked out a little.

And then beyond that, I hear a clear strong voice that I would know anywhere. It's Edward, but it doesn't sound the way he did when he was talking to me earlier.

This voice is stronger, more passionate. _Come on love, you can do it. Focus! Let me in, I just want in. I want to know you, know what you're thinking. I'm so lost. I need to know…_

I let go of Edward's hands quickly and lean back away from him. I gaped at him. I had just heard his thoughts. I know it! I had heard everyone's.

"I didn't expect it to work the first time, Bella. It's okay, we'll keep working." He smiled lightly at me and rubbed my knee.

"Right, of course, it'll take…practice." I stammered a little. He didn't know. He hadn't felt it.

"I think I'm going to go read, clear my mind a little. Maybe we could try again later." I stood up quickly and left the room before he could question me.

I had used Edward's power to hear everyone's thoughts in the house! This was unfathomable. I dashed into the hallway and knocked on Alice and Jasper's door.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, just wanted my book." I said quickly brushing past Alice when she opened the door.

"Bella, wha-"

"Here it is, thanks, see you guys later."

I stepped back into the hall and ran downstairs and outside through the kitchen. I sat down on the swing on the back porch and leafed quickly through the last pages of the book.

There! Binary Sentinel! The ability to block other vampiric powers as well as temporarily possess them. Holy hell. I was a Binary Sentinel. Wait, no. I couldn't be. That was too much. But how else could I explain hearing the other's thoughts when I was connected to Edward? And feel them! I could feel them! I'd taken Jasper's too!

I sat back in my chair and stared off in wonder. I would need to practice. Study this better. See if I really was what I thought I might be.

But I would keep this to myself for now. I didn't want Edward knowing anything, so I couldn't tell the others either, because Edward would find out by their thoughts. No, this was going to stay with me for now. Just until I figured out how to use it better.


	8. Ironic

**A/N- Again, apologies to those who care, that it took me so long to get this out, BUT it is a longer chapter, yea! With much lemony goodness, double yea! So here is your warning, lots o' lemon in this chapter. Sorry to those who wanted a little more story, a little less smuttiness, but I felt that it was necessary. So I wrote it that way.**

**Disclaimer- Yeah yeah yeah, we all know I'm not SM. Blah blah blah.**

**Chapter 8 – Ironic**

**It's a black fly in your chardonnay, it's a death row pardon two minutes too late. And isn't it ironic, don't you think? It's like rain, on your wedding day. It's a free ride when you've already paid. It's the good advice that you just didn't take. And who would have thought, it figures.**

**BPOV**

I spent a lot of time holding the book from Carlisle's office while I sat on the back porch and contemplated things. It had been a week since Edward's and my experiment with my gift, and I had a lot to consider. I read through that book at least once a day, but mostly I just held it and thought about what I now possessed.

It was interesting if you really considered the irony, I'd never been special in my entire life. I was pretty plain actually. Vanilla, one might even say, a simple taste that could easily change into other flavors. That was me.

Only when I'd been with Edward had I felt that I could be more than I'd always been, and even at that, it wasn't because of me that I had been special, it was because of my association with the Cullens. Because I thought Edward had loved me.

Now, however, I had something that _only_ I possessed, that I could choose to utilize as I wanted. It was no else's, but mine and mine alone. It was a part of me that no one else could share in or take credit for.

It gave me quick whips of thrill to know I was different. Was that self-focused? Was it prideful to be so overjoyed that now I had something, _was_ something that only very few were? Yes, I could admit that, but when you've spent your life in the background, being a wallflower, being _vanilla_, you can't help but be ecstatic at the idea that now you are chocolate, strawberry, rocky road, peanut butter fudge….endless possibilities of what you could be, of what you are capable of!

I hugged the book to my chest and grinned to myself. Isabella Swan, it is time to start being a badass!

I laid the book in my lap and clasped my fingers together and rested them on top of the book and closed my eyes. I needed to concentrate, to recreate the exercise I'd done with Edward. Focus. I breathed slowly and deeply to give my body the illusion of relaxation. I imagined Charlie's house again. The house I would never live in again.

No.

That wasn't helping, focus on the happiness there. Charlie's voice calling up to me from his recliner when I was in my room. The feel of the couch that I would sit at during Charlie's games on t.v. I'd study while he watched. The smell of shoe polish from Charlie's uniform boots.

I know I was thinking more of my dad than the house, but it's what I associated with the house. It was Charlie's, and I loved Charlie. Maybe I hadn't realized just how much until I couldn't tell him anymore.

I opened my eyes and felt the prickle behind them. I missed my family. I'd always felt a little on the outside looking in as a human, but I loved them, Renee, Charlie, Phil. I loved them, and they were lost to me forever. It hurt.

I tried not to think about it most of the time. It only left me feeling lonely and bereft, but sometimes, I couldn't shove it back down inside. I couldn't turn away from the feeling that I had left them on my own volition, not really knowing what that meant or how it changed my life forever.

"Hey Bella, I'm going hunting, you want to-" Rose walked out onto the back porch, but came up short when she looked at my face. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I tilted my head questioningly.

"Something's wrong, I can see it on your face."

"No it's not. I'm just sitting here reading like I normally do." I smiled convincingly.

"Not convinced."

Well crap, guess not.

"You going hunting? I need to go too." I stood up and placed the book on the swing behind me.

"Yeah, I'm going." She started down the back steps, but eyed me suspiciously. "I know I'm pretty, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid, Swan."

We headed our normal route for hunting. We'd have to change directions soon, the animals were starting to be scared off.

"You are very pretty, and _very_ smart, Rose" I grinned at her, hoping humor would throw the huntress off my scent.

"Mmhmm. I'll find out what you're hiding. You're a secretive thing, but I'll find out."

I shrugged nonchalantly, and then grinned.

"I'm hungry, meet you back in a few?" I started jogging east.

"Yeah, yeah." She waved haphazardly and took off west.

I took down an antelope and two deer. They were scrawny, so I took two instead of one. I felt like I was becoming quite adept at hunting. It was after all, a newly learned skill, and I could do it totally on my own. I liked feeling independent, and self-sufficient.

I walked back to where Rose and I had split off and waited for her to finish as well. Thirty minutes later, she came into view.

"Wow, were you hungry or what, you were gone forever."

"As a matter of fact I was hungry. I didn't go out the last time with Emmett, so I needed more. Took out three antelope, a mountain lion, and a very large bear. He was a little old, but pretty good."

"Pig."

"No, those never taste as good as you might hope. Kind of like rancid bacon."

"Gross." I laughed.

"Exactly." She laughed back and we started back home.

"You didn't even spill this time." She pointed at my clothes.

"Yeah, I'm coming along." I smoothed my plum colored shirt down.

"More or less." She shoved my shoulder.

"I'm a natural." I shoved back playfully.

"Something like-" Rose stopped in her tracks and crouched low, letting a growl rumble in her chest.

I immediately mirrored her stance. I hadn't heard or sensed anything, but she must have.

"What is it?" I whispered darting my eyes around, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"Did you feel that?"

"No, what?"

She stood up slowly and turned in a circle again.

"I don't know, something just felt off. I don't know. Something strange."

"I didn't feel anything."

"I must have imagined it." She began walking again.

I looked around one more time and followed.

We walked in silence, the only sound was of leaves and bracken snapping under our feet.

"Rose, can I ask you something?"

"Of course." She shifted her eyes toward me.

"Do you think you have a gift? I know it wouldn't be like Edward's or Alice's, but do you think you might have something else?"

She stopped for a moment and seemed to think carefully before answering.

"My 'gift' as you say wouldn't be like others in my family, but I think every vampire has something distinctive that gives them uniqueness and strength. I guess I think mine would be protectiveness and loyalty. I love my family, and I would do anything to keep them safe. Nothing would change that for me. Now that you are my family, I feel that way for you too."

I mulled her words over in my head.

"Why do you ask?"

We were getting close to the Cullens home now.

"I guess I was just thinking about powers and gifts and how they work together. Your's makes sense to me. You're a strong woman, Rose. I wouldn't want to cross you." I smiled. "I trust you as much as I think I can trust anyone."

Instead of smiling at my sentiment, she frowned slightly.

"What do you mean as much as you can trust anyone?"

"I just mean that I trust you."

"No, that's not what you said." She stopped at the edge of the property. "You said as much as you could trust anyone. Why don't you think you could just trust someone fully….oh."

She placed her hands on her hips and studied me.

"What?" I didn't like being looked at like a smear under a microscope.

"Edward."

"What about him?"

"That's why you don't trust." It was a statement, not a question.

"That's ridiculous."

"No it's not, don't bullshit me, Bella. We're family, and if I'm willing to fight for you, protect you, then be honest with me." Her eyes snapped with irritation.

"I am being honest with you, what is your deal Rosalie?"

I didn't like the accusations. I was my own person, every thought and decision I made for myself didn't have to be broadcasted to the Cullens. They knew practically everything anyway, what with the supersonic hearing. They could probably hear us now.

"My deal is this, you are part of this family, but you hold back, and then you deny it. Just like when I came out onto the back porch earlier. You've had something on your mind all week, but you won't make a peep about it, that's not how it works here. You don't want to talk about something, fine, your choice, but don't act like it's not even there, don't lie about it."

Rose took a step forward and got close to my face.

"Listen. I have my own thoughts, and not everyone is privy to them, got it?"

I started to turn away, but instead was shoved back briskly. I stumbled a little, but was more shocked than anything else.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I walked towards her with purposed steps.

"Just what needed to be done." She didn't move an inch.

Before I even knew what I was going to do, I shoved her back. She went further than I had, newborn strength and all. She let a low growl echo from her throat.

"You want to do this now? Come on." I crouched down, frustration over Edward, my untapped gifts, and loneliness spurred me on.

Rose roared and charged me. We hurled towards each other and met with a thundering crash.

I pinned her easily, but what I had in strength, she met with experience. We rolled and punched and slapped at each other. Somehow she threw me into a tree, splintering it easily. I sprang up and charged her again. We grappled with faint words of 'stubborn' 'selfish' 'nosy' 'insensitive' muttered between us every few minutes.

I was about to land a fist to her ribs when I was gripped from behind and pulled away from Rose. I looked back in shock and saw Edward wrapping an arm around my shoulders and waist. I turned back to Rose to see Emmett heaving her back as well.

The haze of anger quickly cleared my mind. I looked at Rose; her irritation seemed to dissipate as well. We didn't say a word, but allowed Emmett and Edward to drag us away from one another.

"What the bloody hell is going on Bella?" Edward managed to sound shocked and bewildered at the same time.

"Geez, Rosie, what has gotten into you?" Emmett merely seemed exasperated.

"She started it." I muttered, slightly embarrassed. I heard a giggle and some laughter from the porch. Jasper and Alice. Carlisle stood behind them with an amused expression on his face, and Esme just clasped her hands together with her mouth open.

"Well you didn't try to stop it." Rose spoke evenly.

"No I didn't." I replied in the same tone.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up. You're a mess." Edward started lugging me to the house.

"I can walk without you, you know."

Okay, so I was snapping at him unnecessarily, but why was he treating me like a child? Oh, because I was fighting like a child…right.

"I know you can, but I'm still going up with you." He grasped my arm more firmly and hauled me up the stairs.

"Seriously, Edward. Calm down." I tried to pull away. No such luck.

"No." He clenched his teeth and whirled me around at his bedroom door, pushing me inside the room and slamming the door behind us.

"What is the big damn deal?" I practically yelled at him, and pacing the room.

"So Rose and I got a little…worked up. It's between us. I don't need you _chastising_ me over my behavior. And another thing, buddy, I- oh!"

My lips were suddenly accosted with Edward's. Hello vampire. His hands were everywhere. Running up my hips, waist, ribcage, and over my breasts. I let out an involuntary moan.

Without thinking, I buried my fingers in his hair and tugged. A deep purr rolled through his chest. Sexiest. Sound. Ever. Somehow we lowered ourselves to the floor without breaking contact. Thank goodness for not needing oxygen anymore.

He pulled up my shirt and threw it across the room. I ripped at his shirt, popping buttons with an impatient yank. His stomach muscles rippled under my seeking hands.

I moved to my neck as he began sucking just below my ear. I about lost it right there.

"Need you." He murmured against me.

"Edward." I breathed incoherently. He pulled back and looked me dead in the eye.

"Right now, Isabella. I need you right now." The hand on my hip squeezed possessively.

"Yes." I barely breathed. My mind had gone into a catatonic sexual haze. His eyes so mesmerizing, so blatantly alluring, I couldn't think past them.

He quickly unsnapped the button of my jeans and pulled them down, panties and all. I'd lost my shoes some where along the way. I don't remember how. He pulled my bra off like it was made of paper and immediately began a trail of kisses from my collarbone to my right breast before sucking firmly on the tip.

I dug my finger nails into his shoulders and almost died of ecstasy.

"Yes, oh yes. Just like that."

His eyes black as night looked up at me through his lashes.

"Sexiest woman ever made." I heard his voice, but his mouth was still on me. It was clear as a bell though.

His other hand began messaging my left breast and I lost all train of thought again. My hands scrambled for his jeans, he pulled up for a second and yanked them off, before continuing his ministrations on me again.

I wrapped my hand blindly around him and pumped.

"Ugh… yes."

I arched my back, as he trailed kisses down my ribs and over my hip. He eyed me for a split second before pushing my thighs apart and lowering his head to me. I sucked in a breath. Then I felt his tongue licking me, slowly, almost languidly.

"Oh…my….Edward…."

He began sucking my clit lightly and I arched up with a strangled breath.

"Fuck."

He hummed in response to my moans, and I came apart at the seams. He continued until I was finished and crawled back up me.

"Edward." I said almost reverently. "That was…that was…."

"Only the beginning." He nuzzled my neck and slipped inside of me.

We both groaned at the sensation. He moved slowly at first, but as the need built, so did the speed. Our rhythm together was so perfect, so in sync.

I felt the tension coil in my belly at the impending orgasm approached. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him tighter to me. Understanding, he moved a hand between us and rubbed me in firm circles.

Crying out, light burst before my eyes as my body was drenched with pleasure. Edward was not far behind me. He groaned into my hair and rode out his own orgasm.

He collapsed on top of me, placing sweet kisses on my collarbone and neck before sliding down and laying his head on my stomach.

We stayed like that, quietly, legs tangled, listening to the faint sounds of the birds outside, the wind blowing through the leaves and branches on the trees.

"Bella-"

"Shhh." I combed my fingers lightly through his hair. "Just hold me please."

His arms tightened around me and he stayed silent. And for those moments, I was the happiest and most content that I'd been since I'd returned to him.

EPOV

She was everything to me. All that mattered, that ever would matter. She was my _it_. I rested my head on her abdomen, arms around her and loved her more than anyone I had ever known in my life, in my existence.

She drove me crazy a lot of the time. She was argumentative now, impulsive even, which she never was before, but I loved her for all that she had been and all that she was becoming.

I had been sitting in the front room with Alice and Emmett when we heard Rose and Bella walking toward the house. They were in a heated discussion, Rosalie was pissed, you could hear it in her voice, but I could hear it in her thoughts too. She thought Bella was hiding something important from her, from all of us. And then she shoved her.

I had bolted for the door, but Alice yanked me back by my shirt.

"Let them work it out." She said simply.

Emmett stood by the window and watched with amusement.

Bella shoved Rose back and I couldn't help the pride in her rise inside of me. She was standing up for herself at the least. It escalated quickly though and became difficult not to want to run out and stop it.

"I've got to do something."

I ran outside and yanked Bella back, as Emmett did the same for Rose.

"What the bloody hell is going on Bella?"

I was going to say more, but I caught one glimpse of Bella's face before she composed it, and the lust whipped through me so fast it took my breath away.

She was magnificent. The fire in her eyes, the determination on her face. Beautiful. Her hair was wild, tousled and windblown; her clothes were wrinkled and slightly dusty. I wanted to rip them off her and take her there.

I heard a chuckle behind me. I turned my head to see Jasper laughing on the porch with Alice. Surely he wasn't laughing at me, could he feel what I was feeling?

I firmed my grip on Bella and pulled her toward the house.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up, you're a mess." My voice sounded raspy and harsh even to me. But I couldn't help it, I had to be alone with her now.

I hauled her through the house and upstairs to my room. I could her talking to me, but her words didn't really register. I think I even answered back, but the buzzing in my head, this insane need to possess her was consuming me.

The minute we were in that room alone with the door closed, I was on her, touching, kissing, feeling every exquisite inch of that body I loved so much. I know I must have taken her by surprise, and I should be more careful with her, but oh, I needed her. So I told her.

"Right now. Isabella, I need you right now."

Her eyes widened just a little before she returned that need with her own. We wrestled, and pulled each other's clothes off. I kissed my way down her body and quickly began suckling her. She made the most beautiful sounds when we were together.

Sexiest woman ever, I thought pulling her tighter to me and filling my hand with her other breast. All that soft flesh, yielding in my hands, in my mouth. Part of me, the reasonable part of me shut down completely. I needed more.

I felt her hand find me, electricity shot through me, and I quickly pulled away. This would be over much too soon if she kept touching me. I settled between her legs and looked at her for a moment. Her eyes were black like midnight and they took my breath away.

She was so gorgeous. All of her, every exquisite inch. I flicked my tongue over her and she melted into the floor. Those beautiful noises started coming out of her again as I licked and tasted her. She was a flavor unlike any other. Hot, rich, silky nectar. I could live on this alone for the rest of my life.

Bella's body tightened and arched as she came. And then she went limp.

"Edward" she said it in such a soft sexy voice. "That was…that was-"

"Only the beginning." I crawled up her body and nuzzling her, I slipped inside of her, making myself go slow and enjoy each delicious thrust.

A deep moan rumbled in her chest, telling me that she was enjoying this as much as I was. Before long though, I couldn't stop myself from speeding up, the need for release built exponentially. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling me deeper inside of her.

And then she was coming, tightening around me like a silky fist, causing my own release.

She was unbelievable. She amazed me at every turn. This girl, this _woman_, who I loved with all my heart as a human was now this newer, sexier, animalistic creature that I couldn't get enough of.

"Bella-"

"Shhh, just hold me please."

So I did.

BPOV

I stood in the shower leaning on one hand and letting the hot spray of water run down my body.

Edward and I had just had some of the most intense sex of my life (not hard I guess when you can count the number of times you've had sex on one hand) and I was incredibly confused. Damn that boy for mixing up my feelings with sex. I wanted the sex, don't get me wrong, it was freaking amazing. I was getting a little hot and bothered just remembering what that mouth of his had done to me.

Oh that _mouth_! It should come with a warning label- 'May cause instant orgasm with contact.'

But after the mind blowing sex, he'd held me. He didn't make me talk, or discuss, or express feelings, he'd just held me like I'd asked. And that was my first mistake. Because I'd had no choice but to feel those feelings. How could I avoid them when they were practically suffocating me.

I laid there on the floor, completely naked with Edward, his arms wrapped around me tightly, our legs entwined, his hair tickling my stomach, and his lips pressed to my abdomen. All I could feel was love for him. Intense, unadulterated love. Damn him.

It made me a little weak in the knees now, just remembering.

I ran my hands through my own hair, shooting drops of water behind me. I needed to get back in control.

So okay, what, I loved him still. It's not the end of the world; he just didn't need to know it. As long as he didn't know, I still had control.

I cranked the water temperature higher, and felt the burn of it scald my back.

Nothing had to change. I just had to keep it to myself. No big deal.

I turned to grab the bar of soap, but froze when I saw Edward standing outside the shower staring at me.

"Edward," I gasped involuntarily.

"I wondered when you would notice me. You're defenses must be down." He stood there still naked from our love-making. Sex! _Sex_, it was just sex.

"Must be." I watched him carefully. He had a look in his eye that I couldn't quite name.

He opened the shower door and stepped inside, his gaze never leaving my face.

"Care to join me?" I said dryly.

"Yeah, thanks for asking." He reached towards me and took the bar of soap from my hand.

He lathered it in his hands, and then ran his soapy fingers over my stomach and my hips, back up my ribcage, and down my arms. Again, all while looking me in the eye.

"You've been in here a while." He said it quietly, and in a way that didn't seem to warrant a response.

If I were still human, my heart would have been racing. As it were, I was struggling to pull air into my lungs. His hands were soft on me. Not pressing too roughly, but just enough to feel all of them sliding over my flesh.

"You're so beautiful" he murmured.

Helplessly turned on, I took a step to him and slid my body against his. It was cooler than mine, adding an extra element of eroticism. My body was heated from the water, almost hot in comparison.

His pupils flared for a second.

His hands never stopped moving over me, touching everywhere except where I wanted them the most.

I ran my fingers up his chest, over his throat, along his jaw line and softly over his lips. Oh yeah, those lips were definitely one of his best attributes, another one of them was pressed against my stomach.

I leaned forward and ran my tongue lightly over his bottom lip and nibbled just a tiny bit. His mouth opened slightly and I kissed him gently. Almost like I was just rubbing my lips over his.

I could feel my arousal growing more and more, and the steam of the shower carried scent of it all around us.

"Do you smell that?" I leaned in and whispered in Edward's ear.

His breath caught in his throat. I took that as a yes.

"You do that to me, only you." I slid my hands down to his waist and around to his ass. Another fine part of Edward. I rubbed it, enjoying the firmness.

His arms tightened around me. I looked up to his face, only inches from mine. His jaw clenched, making him look so damn sexy, I couldn't stand it. His hair was slicked back and water dripped down his cheekbones, over that mouth.

Holding each other, we somehow circled around so that he was directly under the spray of water, and I was on the edge of it.

Then finally, _finally_, he brought a hand up and rolled my nipple between his thumb and finger.

"Uhhhh" I breathed. So unbelievable, so good. Nothing should feel this good.

He finally smirked at little. He'd stood there with such intensity on his face this whole time.

He tightened his fingers ever so slightly and pinched. Automatically, my leg hooked around his waist and I pushed myself against him. If I didn't get some kind of friction down there soon, I would die.

"Please, Edward." I gasped mindlessly.

"Please what, Isabella?" He rubbed my thigh lightly.

"Touch me, touch me." I couldn't think, all I could do was feel, feel this amazing man against me, doing unspeakable things to my body, making me crazy.

"I am touching you." He bit my ear lobe. "You feel amazing."

"_Touch_ me, I want you to." I pushed my hips up against him harder.

"Where Isabella? Tell me where." His fingers were still rubbing my thigh, but I could feel them getting so close to where I wanted them.

"Edward…." He was killing me, but damned if I didn't love it.

"Say it." He sucked deeply on the side of my neck.

"My pussy." I could barely get it out.

He moaned, and pushed two fingers inside of me while rubbing me with his thumb. It took me all of three seconds to come all over his hand.

"Yes, fuck yes."

His eyes flashed to mine before he smashed his lips to my mouth, and continued to pump his fingers inside of me. He stepped back for a second and pulled his fingers out of me. I looked at him confused as to what he was doing.

"Turn around." He voice was low and gritty. And hot as hell.

I turned around quickly and he bent me down so that my hands resting on the back lip of the shower.

He grabbed my hips firmly and pushed inside of my so quickly I couldn't help the gasp of surprise.

He paused for a second. "Are you alright?"

"Don't stop, don't you dare stop." I gritted out between my teeth.

And he was moving again, in and out of me so quickly, it felt like my head was going to explode from the pleasure. He was touching places inside of me that I didn't know were possible.

So fucking good.

He groaned behind me.

"Harder, please." I moaned back.

"Fuck, Bella." He ground out as he moaned even louder.

And then my orgasm was shooting through me like a rocket, it was definitely astronomical.

He tightened his grip on me and came hard inside of me, both of our releases running down my leg. Good thing we were in the shower.

He slumped for a minute over me before pulling out and turning me back around. I opened my mouth to say something like 'whoa, what the hell was that', but he cut me off before I could make a noise.

He kissed me lightly, softly, reverently.

"I love you, Bella." He said against my mouth, scattering my few still functioning brainwaves. "I love you so much."

He pulled me to the shower floor with him and laid me on top of him.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Shhh," he rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. "Just hold me."

I wanted to die, right then, I wanted to die, because I knew with absolute certainty that I loved Edward so much it hurt, and nothing would ever change it, nothing would sever it, nothing would kill it. I needed him, and as long as he thought he loved me. I would take it.

**A/N- I know that some of this chapter may have felt a little redundant, but the reason I went over some things again was because sometimes in stories, I want to know what the other person is thinking and feeling too, so I wrote Edward's POV as overlapping Bella's. It helps understand why Edward or Bella are doing what they do. **

**I really hope you guys like it! Review, and you'll get your own special shower time with Edward. :) And come on, who doesn't like a loving in the shower???**


	9. Out of Touch

A/N- Soooo hi, loooooong time, no see. I apologize for the ridiculous amount of time between chapters. I suck, I know. But to any of you blessed souls that are still with me, here is a new chapter. I hope you like it, many and multiple thanks for sticking with me. Muah!  
This chapter is dedicated to ArchAngel2795, thank you for your review, and understanding why I made Bella the way she is. You definitely were one of the reasons I decided to keep going with this story. See people, it's true what they say, one person _can _make a difference.

Disclaimer: Not SM, because let's face it, she would have gotten the chapter out sooner.

**Out of Touch**

_You're out of touch, you're out of time_

_But I'm out of my head when you're not around._

I walked out of the back door after having a long conversation with Esme, and had finally come to a conclusion. I was going to write Charlie, but I was going to postmark the date and make it seem as if I'd written him before I'd 'disappeared'. I was also going to write a letter to Renee and Phil as well. I needed them to know somehow in some way that I loved them, and this was the only way I could do it without letting them know I was still alive, or existing rather. I sought out Esme and asked her opinion as a mother what she would want from a child who had been lost to her, and what would help ease the pain in any capacity. I finally decided that I would tell them that I was leaving Forks to find myself, which was true sort of. I was going to find Edward because he had taken all that mattered to me with him, but they didn't need to know that. I would tell them that I needed to do it alone which is why I didn't tell them I was doing it, I knew they would stop me, and I would spent the majority of the letter explaining how much they meant to me. I would tell Charlie that I was essentially the female version of him. We were two of a kind, and because of that, I would always see him in myself and be proud. I would thank him for letting me come live with him in Forks and for giving me that time with him, to really get to know him, to feel like my father and I had become a familial unit. A feeling which I'd never had before. I wanted him to know that he was a good father, and I held him in my heart as one of the few who I loved the most.

I would write Renee and tell her what growing up with her as my mother meant to me. How she was erratic and scatterbrained and wonderful. She gave me all I needed to spread my wings, to look for more that just what was in front of me and to appreciate all the great things in life that so many take for granted. I would go out into the world loving the strange and wonderful quirks that make it turn. I would tell Phil that although I hadn't been able to spend as much time with him as I would have liked, that he still had had an impact on me. He was a good man, and I could trust him to take care of my mother. He kept her young, and he made her happy. I couldn't ask for more from him. He'd always been good to me and accepted me as part of his family when a lot of men couldn't, or wouldn't, so I would thank him for being the type of man that I am proud to call family.

All these things wouldn't be easy to say, but they needed to be said, and my parents needed to hear them. It wouldn't necessarily assuage the anguish they would be going through as their only child would forever be lost to them, but it would give them something to hold onto, to know that that child loved them and appreciated them even if she didn't say it or show it like she should have.

I carefully hand wrote the letters, making sure it seemed as if they'd been written prior to my trip, and I addressed them. I told Esme that I wanted to run them as far as I could so that when they went through the postal service and were stamped, it wouldn't lead anyone to where I was now. Thankfully, my eyes were finally a honeyed brown instead of red, but I placed blue contacts on top of them just in case someone saw me and recognized me from pictures. Only Alice and Esme knew that I was leaving to mail the letters, and Alice only knew because I got the contacts from her. After some debate though, I told her that she could tell Rosalie if she wanted to. I needed to start including Rose in on some of my thoughts and actions. After our fight a week ago, I came to realize that she was not intentionally being nosy, she genuinely cares for me, and I should reciprocate that affection with respect and affection too.

I stood on the back porch and buttoned my jacket. The day was slightly chilled, and even though I was perfectly comfortable without a coat, it would look strange to others if I was only wearing a black long sleeved cotton shirt and dark washed ankle length blue jeans. I twisted my hair into a quick bun to keep it tidy while I ran, and I patted the letters in my pocket before walking to the edge of the Cullen property and into the woods. I started jogging, gradually picking up speed into a full run. I wanted to enjoy the jog as much for the outing as for the reason of mailing the important letters. Despite the chill, the sun was bright and the sky was a beautiful azure.

It felt good to be alone. The Cullens tended to keep a careful eye on me since I was a newborn and even though I hadn't really shown the normal characteristics of other newborns, it seemed they didn't want to take the chance of me going on a killing spree in the nearest town in case my insatiable bloodlust flared up. They finally started backing off around the time my eyes had changed. This however, was my first outing completely on my own, and I decided I was going to enjoy it. I ran as fast as I could before slowing down at Jordan Valley. We were living in the upper west corner of Oregon near Astoria, and Jordan Valley is on the opposite side and corner of the state.

As I ran, my mind wandered to the strange relationship I had with Edward. We still hadn't had a solid conversation about us…the "us" that it was anyway. And to be honest, I was to blame for that. I didn't want to talk because I didn't know what to say to him. Yes, I was in love with him, more than ever, yes, I wanted us to be together, intimately, forever, but I wasn't willing to go back to what we were before. Me, playing the part of feeble counterpart, while Edward, the brave, saved the day.

No thank you!

Been there, done that. And wasn't _that_ one of the reasons we were in the current predicament? I mean, if Edward had stopped acting on every impulse to control and hell, _micromanage_ every aspect of my life, then maybe we could make some leeway, but no, he was still the same guy who, because of this excessive need to protect, left me, without a word.

Okay, he _did_ say goodbye, but let's not bullshit here, it was one fucking awful goodbye. So instead of having that soul-cleansing conversation, I distracted him with sex, lots and lots of sex, and really, he didn't put up too much of a fight. Which I couldn't help but find slightly humorous, like, I'd see him get that, 'let's pick apart our emotions together' look on his face, and all I'd have to do is start taking off one or both of our clothes, and boom, two-hundred year old virgin would lose his train of thought. Thank heavens for the male libido.

I sighed as I slowed down on the edge of town, and began walking at human speed down a side road towards Main Street. Like every other time I dwelled for more than a few minutes on Edward, I stuck him back in his corner of my brain to deal with later.

I stopped briefly in front of a store window to smooth my hair out of its bun and tuck a few stray pieces behind my ears. Odd how normal I appeared. No, I didn't look like the girl that had gotten on a plane for Canada not so long ago, I wasn't quite so plain anymore, not quite so mousy, and average, but I also didn't look like the monster that lurked behind the beautiful façade that was reflected back at me. I turned away from the image and walked the few blocks to the post office.

I tried smiling at people as I passed by them on the sidewalk. The men smiled back eagerly, but the women only gave the cursory nod back and then walked quickly by me. I guess what Edward had said to me so long ago was true, they knew something about me wasn't right and their internal signal told them to flee, but to the men, their lust for beauty seemed to drown out the stranger-danger warning.

I walked through the double glass doors of the post office and strode up the counter. An older man with half-moon spectacles watched me with a stern expression.

"Good morning." I said as pleasantly as possible. His scent was a strange mix of Aramis cologne and something a bit waxy. It relieved me to no end that I wasn't attracted to his scent at all. It made speaking to him more normal if I didn't envision the satisfying blood that coursed through his veins.

"Help you?" he seemed annoyed by my presence.

"I just need a two stamps please."

We exchanged stamps and money and I walked to the mail slot. Giving both letters a final once over, I let them slide down the chute into the outgoing mail bag. It was bittersweet. I was happy for this slice of closure, but sad that it was the last contact I'd ever have with my parents.

I headed back out into the cloudy day with a final wave to the postman, and came face to face with a dark-haired pixie.

I tilted my head and stared into her apple green contacts.

"Fancy seeing you here." I said dryly.

"Please don't be mad." Alice immediately looped her arm through mine and began leading me down the street. "It was either me or Edward, and I knew you'd be pissed if you'd found out Edward had followed you."

"You thought right. Why would he follow me, Alice?"

"Well," her voice went up an octave as she wheedled around the answer."

"Alice." I prompted.

"Okay, I may have let it slip in my thoughts that you were coming here alone today, and he heard it. And," she hurried on. "I just want you to know that I had to do some fast talking to convince him to stay home while I came here. He was hell-bent on coming to make sure you were alright."

"Why on earth would he need to do that? I'm pretty safe now, you know, immortal and all." My voice rose with irritation as I gestured to myself. Damnit, wasn't this what I was _just_ thinking about?

"Shh!" Alice glanced around quickly to the mostly deserted sidewalk. "I know this, and you know this, but we are talking about Edward."

"Well, he and I will just have a little chat when we get home then." I clenched my jaw. No way does he get to be all concerned and over-protective now, not after he vanished into thin air, I fumed. I'm an adult, or as much of an adult as I was ever going to be, and I could take care of myself. I needed to take care of myself, so Edward and his freakishly controlling ways was just going to have to cool it.

I was working myself up into a fine rage when Alice stopped abruptly and grabbed her head.

Before I could ask her what was going on, my own head felt as if it were being split open with a pick ax. An image of Alec standing in the grove of trees beside the Cullen house speaking to me filled my head. He crouched low and then sprang at me. Then the vision cleared so that the dull ache in my head was all that was left.

"Owww" I rubbed my temple and looked at Alice who was staring at me in complete shock.

"You saw that! How did you see that?" Her voice was so high I thought dogs would start whining in the distance.

"I don't know, I just…saw it." I started walking again. I hadn't really discussed the possibility of my gift with the Cullens too much. I'd discussed it briefly with Carlisle and Jasper, and then with Edward the time we tried to control it, but I hadn't brought up the possibility of being a binary sentinel at all.

"You saw my vision! That's impossible!" Alice grabbed my arm again and stopped me at the end of the block. One lonely car passed by, but other than that, we were completely alone.

"Not impossible." I mumbled not quite ready to share what I knew, or what I thought I knew.

"Isabella." Her voice laced with warning. "How did you share my vision? You know, so spill it right now."

"What is up with this family and having to know every little tiny detail of each other's lives? It's like privacy is a bad word around here." I was agitated, but unfairly. It wasn't Alice's fault.

"Look, Bella, that's just the way this family is, we help each other and we take care of one another, so to do that, we have to know what is going on. I know it's not easy to get used to right away, but try to adjust. And you being able to use other's gifts _is_ a big deal so…" she trailed off as she cocked her head to the side and studied me.

"You're a shield, and you used one of my gifts." She thought out loud, piecing it together. I could practically hear her putting the puzzle together in her brain.

"You're a freaking binary sentinel!" her eyes grew wide as she squeezed my arm in a death grip.

I didn't affirm or deny.

"Oh holy hell! We have to tell Carlisle, he's going to freak! Can you imagine? This is huge! I've only heard of one before and he lived in –" she began running back towards Astoria.

"No." I cut her off catching up to her.

"What do you mean no?" she looked at me confusedly.

"I don't want anyone knowing, so you're going to have to keep a lid on it." I told her firmly.

"What? Why? I told you, we don't keep secrets." Alice actually looked annoyed with me. That was a first.

"I understand, and I won't forever, but I want to get a handle on this first before we make it public knowledge. Just give me a few days, okay? Then we can tell everyone."

She tilted her head and looked ready to say no, but finally nodded in agreement.

"Thank you." We started walking again.

"So how does it work? How do you tap into other's gifts? Have you been using Edward's and Jasper's, because if you have, it really isn't fair not to tell them you're 'borrowing' their gifts." Alice kept stride with me.

"I'm still trying to figure out how this entire thing works." I said honestly. "I have to focus really hard normally, or be in the height of an emotion for it to come."

"Were you just then?"

"I wasn't focusing, but I was really pissed at Edward for being a crazy control freak, so that must have been why I shared your vision. Other times, it's happened when Edward and I have been….well, intimate." I hedged.

"You can say having sex, Bella." Alice shook her head witheringly at me.

"Fine, having sex. It's only happened a few times. I wasn't completely sure about it, until Edward and I were trying to work on my gift as just a shield and somehow I heard Edward's thoughts and everyone else's through him, and everyone's emotions through Jasper. It was crazy, and you know, there have been times that I've been thinking something while Edward and I were together and he would answer my thought as if I'd spoken it out loud. So, I must have let him in without realizing it."

"This is so crazy!" Alice squealed. "I can't believe you're a binary sentinel. It is _so_ rare!"

"Yeah, that's what Carlisle told me when he gave me a book to read about special gifts." I paused when we reached the edge of town. "Seriously Alice, you cannot say anything to any one. I might tell Rose because, well after our fight, I kind of feel like I should be we'll say, more forthcoming, now, but I don't really want anyone to know until I can process this better."

Alice sighed. "Alright, but only for a few days."

"Okay." I nodded, that may be the best deal I was going to get. "Let's head back."

I tried to come up with a plan of action for controlling my shield in the coming days as we ran back to the Cullens. I was only going to have a short amount of time before shit hit the fan. I was a little surprised that Alice hadn't asked about the vision of me and Alec. She must have been too preoccupied with the idea of my gift to notice that my sire was lurking around the future, a fact which only cemented the urgency of controlling the gift that I had. I was going to need work hard and work fast.

We made it back to the Cullens by late afternoon. I shot Alice a parting look and made my way up to my room. I was hoping to find Edward and have a little conversation about what he could do with his over-protective tendencies. Just as I'd hoped he was inside reading what appeared to be Dostoevsky and listening to Chopin. It was quite the combination. I enjoyed the classics like anyone else, but didn't he ever need a little Pantera in his life? With this in mind, I walked back out of the room, holding up one finger when he'd looked up and then returned after a second.

"Bella." He seemed torn between confusion and worry. "Are you alright?"

"One second please." I spoke calmly as I went to his stereo and switched the Chopin for a CD I'd borrowed from Emmett. I felt he wouldn't mind me swiping it for a few hours. "Walk" filled the room with a frame shaking beat.

"What are you doing?" Edward stood in front of me, eyes wide with bewilderment.

"Just setting the mood." I replied, willing myself not to lose my temper. "How dare you."

Edward stood in stunned silence. I'm sure he was trying to decide if he'd heard me correctly.

"I beg your pardon?" he finally managed.

"That's right, you should beg my pardon. How dare you try and follow me, and then only resign from that foolish idea when Alice promised to look after me in your stead."

"Bella, I am only making sure that you are safe and that others are safe around you. You are still a newborn." He tried to brush his fingertips over my cheek, but I stepped away from his touch with eyes flashing.

"It is not your job to make sure I am safe, and as for others, if Carlisle thought I was still a threat, then he would have told me so. As it is, he did no such thing, so I'm only going to say this once. Back off."

"Bella, you don't understand what it's like to want someone's blood more than you want to go on existing. You don't know what you're risking. I'm trying to protect you from ever knowing what that kind of temptation is like."

Edward's face held nothing but kind sincerity, but his voice was drenched in condescension; and that is what caused me to lose it.

"You are not my parent, or my brother, or my keeper. You have no say in what I do or where I go-"

"I am your lover." He interrupted me softly.

And just as quickly as I angered, I melted at his velvet tone.

"Edward," I tried to be reasonable. "You cannot treat me as if I were human, because it is just fact that I am not anymore. You have to stop trying to control me. I won't live like that."

"I don't know if I can stop trying to shield you from the evil my world possesses." He was calm, but firm. It was the firmness that annoyed me, like he wasn't listening.

"You need to find a way Edward. If you want to be a part of my life, you've got to." I turned back to the stereo that was still blaring and turned the volume down.

Without a second glance, I strode out of the room and down to Carlisle's office. As I made my way downstairs, my gift or as I was coming to think of it spidey-sense, was clicking because I could hear Alice talking to Edward through her thoughts.

"Let her go and cool off, Edward. She's not ready to hash it out now." Alice thought.

I heard Edward sigh and groan, but he stayed upstairs. Thank you Alice. Carlisle's office was empty as I moved purposefully to the shelves of books and plucked out the three that had been stored with the volume Carlisle had loaned me. I then went into the library and found Jasper sitting in one of the brown leather chairs, a lamp at his elbow.

"Hey," he smiled ruefully at me.

"Hey."

I knew that he'd heard every word of Edward's and my conversation, just as I knew that the rest of the house had. It couldn't be helped, and being annoyed by it served no other purpose except making me upset. So to the best of my ability, I set it aside, and took the chair opposite of Jasper and began reading.

Blessedly, he left me alone to read. The books I'd selected were vague at best and completely confusing at worst. The first was a diary of a shield in the 1800's. The young girl had been changed into a vampire on her twenty-third birthday. Happy-freaking-birthday, I thought. She'd found out she was a shield when living with a coven that had also included a vampire with powers similar to Jasper's. He could manipulate feelings of devotion and lust, but no others. This vampire, Henry, could not sense any other emotions either. He was very limited, but very powerful in the few he could bend to his will.

The diary went on to describe the girl's ability to let his gift affect her when she chose to. Much of her technique included deep and focused concentration, like what Edward had already shown me, however, she started developing her strength by practicing with Henry.

I glanced up at Jasper, who was reading his volume intently. I was about to ask him for his assistance when Alice bounded into the room.

"It will work!" She spoke in an excited whisper.

Jasper looked up at her in surprise and then at me with confusion.

"What are you-?"

"Shhh, come on." Alice grabbed his hand and pulled him up out of the room. "Come on Bella."

I set my book down as I followed them out of the library and outside into the evening dusk. Excitement grew in me knowing that I could finally have some control in my life again.

"I really want to start asking questions, but I feel like it would be fruitless." Jasper said.

"Quite right my dear." Alice stopped and bussed his cheek with a kiss.

"Okay, no one will be able to hear you out here. I'm going back to keep everyone else from getting suspicious. Good luck, even though you won't need it. I know how this all turns out. You know, psychic powers and all." She chattered happily as she made her way back to the house.

"Bella?' Jasper finally asked tilting his head.

"I need your help with my gift. I need to find a way to control it."

"Alright, but how can I help you, I told you Edward knows more about this than I do."

"Yes, but I don't want to work with him right now, and I'm kind of on a time crunch, so I know this is asking a lot, but could you just do and not question here?" I tried to give him my best pleading face.

He debated, but finally nodded.

"I want a full explanation later, I think I deserve that."

"Done." I said quickly. "Okay come here, I need you to give me your hands."

"You better not be trying to have your way with me, Alice will not be happy." He smirked.

"What are you talking about, she gave us permission." I grinned back.

"I don't think she gave you the go ahead for that!" he laughed.

"Chicken." I took his hands.

"Damn straight. She's terrifying."

"Man up. Okay, can you feel the rest of the family still?"

"Not really, just shades of emotions from Edward, he's sulking in the back yard."

"Figures" I mumbled. "Alright, well focus on me and him, just focus on us."

"Okay."

I watched as his eyes glazed slightly in concentration.

I closed mine and instead of thinking about Charlie's house, or a door, I pictured a grid around my brain. This grid was invincible, impenetrable, and unmoving by outside stimuli. Then I pictured a hatch of sorts in the front of the grid, slowly, I opened it. Slowly, like smoke filling a room, I caught traces of frustration, annoyance, and impotent anger, I also felt my own focus echoing off Jasper back onto me, it seemed to double my strength, finally I felt Jasper, calm, focused, relaxed. It was a strange, strange sensation to feel your own emotions as well as others.

Keeping hold of Jasper, I closed the grid around my mind and opened my eyes.

"Did you feel that?" I asked.

"Kind of, I felt you and Edward, but then it seemed to double, and then I felt me. How did you do that?" His eyes were clear and interested.

"I'm a binary sentinel. I've been reading about how to control my powers, but I still don't fully understand how to use them."

"It seems you do." He disagreed.

"I don't know, that was just a test. Let's try this again."

Jasper brought his hands up and I laid mine on top. Again, I felt traces of Edward's emotions, and Jasper's and mine. They seemed to bounce off one another and even though it felt like they could get lost in each other, they didn't. There was a distinct voice to every feeling, like Edward's were so serious, so precise. Jasper's seemed softer, more mellowed, and mine, well, mine were controlled chaos. Like I was trying to harness the craziness inside of me.

"This is fucking weird." Jasper whispered. I smirked at him. It took quite a bit to get him to swear.

"You got that right. Let's keep trying a few more times and then maybe you can work with me again tomorrow."

"Sure." He agreed.

An hour later, we walked back towards the house. I felt like I should be exhausted from the mental strain of it all, but really I wanted to keep working. However, I didn't want to keep Jasper from Alice any longer. He was nice enough to work with me as long as he did.

"Thank you again for your help, Jazz."

He patted my shoulder with brotherly affection.

"Anytime, Bella."

He walked back into the library and I could hear his voice mixing with Alice's.

"Hey."

I looked over and saw Rose standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey."

We stood in silence for a moment.

"Did Alice tell you about…you know?" I asked finally.

"Yeah, don't worry, I won't let it slip." She was looking at me oddly. I hated this awkwardness.

"I know, I trust you." The silence lagged again.

"I'm trying to be better at the whole share and share alike thing, Rose." I lifted my hands in submission.

"I know." She came down off the last step and walked towards me. "I really appreciate you telling Alice she could tell me. I just…" she trailed off. She firmed her mouth and looked me in the eye.

"It's your news to tell, but please don't wait too long. It will only hurt people if you withhold something so important."

"You do know why I'm not saying anything right?"

"Yes, but at this point, everyone in the house knows you have something to tell, but they don't know what it is. If you can't trust us, who can you trust in this life, Bella?" She laid a hand on my arm and squeezed reassuringly.

I bit my lip and thought about what she was telling me, and it did make sense.

"Okay, I hear you."

"Good, just think about it." She walked into the kitchen, leaving me standing alone in the entry way.

I shook my head and trudged up the stairs to my room, again, I found Edward in there reading. His bronze hair gleaming with red highlights against the glow of the lamp that stood next to him. His shoulders looked broad, muscular, the definition of them straining against his ever-present t-shirt.

He looked up as I came in and shut the door. He remained silent when I came to stand in front of him, leaning forward, placing my hands on the armrests of his chair and taking his mouth with mine. He moaned softly as I licked his bottom lip.

"I thought you were mad at me." He whispered.

"Irritated." I corrected.

"Alright, I thought you were irritated with me." He placed his hands on my hips as I straddled his lap.

"Just because you irritate me doesn't mean I don't want you." I ran my hands up his chest, along his jaw and up through that 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' hair. "Every part of you. All. The. Time." I emphasized.

His eyes turned black with desire, and I felt him harden underneath me.

"There was a time, I thought you were innocent and sweet. You are dangerous, my love. Lethal." He started to stand up with me in his arms, but I grabbed the armrests again and shook my head.

"Let's stay here." I said against his mouth. "I like it right here." I rocked my hips suggestively against him and elicited another sexy moan.

Once he'd settled back into the chair, I danced my fingers along the waist line of his jeans, and slowly unsnapped them. Lightly I dipped my hand down and pulled him out.

"Hello." I smirked. He was hot and hard in my hand. He laughed lightly, pulling my shirt over my head.

"You're so beautiful."

"So are you." I started pumping him in long languid strokes. He unclasped my bra, tossing it aside and filling both hands with my breasts. He never let his gaze move from mine. He moved his right hand down to my jeans, deftly unbuttoning them and sliding his hand down into my panties. I lifted my hips slightly, dying for his touch.

"Kiss me." His whispered roughly. Still stroking him, I leaned forwards kissed the very soul from him. A low guttural sound came out of me as he lightly brushed his fingers against me.

"You're so wet." His words were plain as day in mind, and I knew that he had thought them because his mouth was firmly nibbling on my lip.

I moaned again, trying to convey, how good he felt. I quickened my strokes around him.

"So good baby."

He lifted his hips at the new friction, and rolled my nipple in his fingers.

Oh, the sensations. I felt drunk with them, with him, with what we did to each other.

"I need you." My brain screamed.

He dipped one, the two fingers inside of me. Rubbing mind-blowing circles with his thumb.

"Not as much as I need you, my love."

He pinched my nipple firmly as he came, causing me to fall over the edge as well. I slumped over him. Laying my cheek against his.

"Bella." He breathed against my ear. "I just want to…"

Edward pulled his hand from my pants and looked me in the eye as he licked me off of his fingers.

I stared at him open-mouthed. Who was this man? This man that I thought I knew so well, that I really had no idea what he was capable of.

"You taste like heaven." He spoke in that velvet toned voice. "I could live off only you for the rest of my life."

If he didn't stop right now, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from taking him again right now. Okay technically, I hadn't taken him this last time, but close enough.

"Edward, I…" I quickly stood up realizing that I needed to tell him about my gifts before we continued on. Rose was right, I wasn't being fair, and I was making love to this man while reading his thoughts without his knowledge. He needed to know what I could do. I needed to tell him first before the rest of the family, and I needed to do it now.

"I need to tell you something." I buttoned my pants and looked for my bra and shirt.

"Right now?" he looked utterly confused and so adorable.

"Yes, I need to tell you now, but downstairs, away from the house."

"Why?" he stood and picked up his shirt.

"You'll understand when I tell you. Meet me down by the edge of the woods in ten minutes?" I opened the bedroom door.

"Alright, just let me get-"

"I'll meet you down there." I said again firmly. I needed a minute to put my words together, to gather my thoughts. I walked quickly down the stairs and outside. The night was quiet. Man, the stars were out, blankets of them. I blew out a breath and tried to formulate a plan. How could I explain what I was, what I could do without completely pissing him off. I laughed lightly, who was I kidding? Edward would be annoyed but he'd forgive me. He loved me, and I was the one who was pushing him away, always keeping him at arms length.

Well, I would just have to do my best to stop that. To try and repair our relationship so that it was a true one, not just a façade. I turned towards the sound of a twig snapping and came face to face with my nightmare.

"Hello my dear. You are as beautiful as I remember you."

PLEASE REVIEW MY DEARS!


	10. Building a Mystery

A/N: Whooooooaaaa, is anyone still reading this story? Believe me, I totally understand if there is not, however, I am, believe it or not, still writing it. I had to go back and check to see when I last posted, three freeeeaaaaking years ago dudes! Unreal! Anyway, I updated to keep on keeping on, and even if it takes me a decade, I WILL finish my stories dammit! Love to you all that are still with me, and those who might just be joining me and well heck, love to everyone else too!

**Chapter 10**

**You come out at night**

**That's when the energy comes**

**And the dark sides light**

**And the vampires roam.**

I looked into the face of a very small, very eerily beautiful vampire. Nighttime shrouded the sky, casting shadows and amplifying her sinister features.

"Hello." I said evenly, hoping not to betray the fear within me.

"Isabella." The girl, maybe fourteen or fifteen took a step towards me, her eyes garishly red, her silvery blond hair flowing below her shoulders. Cloaked in a dark robe, she was no more than five feet tall.

She spoke in a high musical tone.

"I've heard so much about you; it's a pleasure to finally meet you. We must hurry though; there is no time to waste."

Confusion joined my myriad of emotions. I stared mutely at her, until I heard a chuckle.

"You've frightened her, sister." Alec stepped out from a shadow and into the pale moonlight.

"You didn't honestly think you could be rid of me so easily did you?"

I wanted to speak, but the words failed me. The horror seized me. These were bad, bad vampires, and my family inside was unaware and therefore at the mercy of them. I needed to get them away from here, quickly, before anyone came outside.

_Edward_! Edward was coming to meet me any minute. He was going to go crazy when he saw them here. Threatening me, threatening his home.

"Brother, you were quite right about her, I think. She _is_ frightened, but she's hiding it well. Bravo, Isabella, you have great potential." The tiny blond told me.

"Isabella, meet my sister, Jane." Alec gestured toward the sadistic looking blond.

"You need to leave, right now." I ignored the introduction and emboldened my voice. "I want nothing to do with you."

The little vampire laughed gratingly. "You haven't quite endeared yourself to her, have you Alec?"

He merely smirked.

"She'll come around. They always do."

He turned back to me.

"Don't fight us darling. You're newborn strength has finally started to wane, and I've been waiting so patiently for you. I am your sire, you belong to me. And we are leaving."

Now the anger laced with the anxiety within me. These two little vampires were really starting to piss me off. Maybe it was the spoiled child syndrome that Alec seemed to have a raging case of, or maybe it was the fact that the girl was staring demonically at the Cullen's house, either way it needed to stop.

"No, I'm not going with you, and you will leave me alone. I don't care if you made me, or you want me, or even if you think you can tell me what to do, because it doesn't matter, I don't care, you can't, and frankly, you're creeping me out, so get lost. _Now_!"

Alec sighed and turned to his sister.

"Jane dear, I hate to ask…" He laughed and shook his head. "Actually I love to ask, do you mind?"

"My pleasure, brother." She looked back at me with a curve of a smile on her lips.

After a few seconds of silence, I looked over at Alec and then back to Jane, who gasped.

"Amazing!"

"Isn't it? I wasn't sure it would work, but I suspected it wouldn't since I had no affect on her either. Curious." He shrugged again as if he were only mildly put out.

"I guess we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way."

He gave a creepy giggle.

"I'm kind of excited."

"I'll take care of the others while you get her back home." Jane started toward the house.

_Others_?

"No!" I screamed, but was pulled into a vice-like grip and dragged quickly into the woods.

"If you fight me, lovey, I will tell Jane to kill them, as it stands, she's only going to distract them for a little while." Alec whispered into my ear.

Distract them? How could she possibly-? And that's when I heard it, heard _them_…screaming in agony. No, no, no!

Edward! Alice! Rose! Emmett! No!

I could hear them in my mind through Edward. In my panic, I could feel the confusion and the pain as it ricocheted off of Jasper into me.

"That's right, my dear, don't make it hard." Alec cooed as I went limp in his arms. He ran then, speeding away so that the shrieks and feelings faded, to nothing again.

Think Bella, use your head, my brain scrambled frantically. You've got to get out of this, you've got to help them!

"You're going to like your new home Isabella. You will find many," he licked my neck. "new pleasures there."

He chuckled as I fought every instinct to not struggle against him, not to rip him limb from limb. I couldn't risk him telling Jane to kill the Cullens. I'd wait until we stopped. Then I'd kill him.

EPOV

Bella was acting strangely. Then again, I can't say that she'd acted normal since she'd come to live with us. It seemed that despite how well I knew her as a human, I didn't know her at all as a vampire. She was no longer shy. She'd as soon fight with me as make love to me.

I ran my hands through my hair as I made my way down the stairs to meet her outside. Which was another oddity in and of itself, why would she need to talk to me so far away from the others? Why the secrecy? I knew she'd been keeping a lot bottled up inside of her, but she truly was throwing off my balance at every turn.

I reached for the door when I heard her scream. Panic slammed through my chest as I threw the door off its hinges and raced out into the night. Before I could even get passed the porch I was seized with agonizing pain. All over my body, as if my very bones were splintering off in mind-numbing fragments. I could do nothing more than fall to the ground and writhe in unimaginable agony. I heard the shrieks of anguish inside the house as well as in my head as whatever I was feeling gripped my family too.

Bella! I've got to get to Bella!

I tried to get up, but the pain doubled and once more I fell with the weight of it.

"Astounding." An amused voice cut through my senses.

All I could see were two tiny black-booted feet.

"Don't worry about getting up; it will only make it worse for you." The girl's voice laughed in delight. "Then again, it is more fun for me if you do struggle. She circled me before stooping down into my face. "I shall tell you a little secret because I've just decided I like the fight in you."

She bent closer so that a wisp of blond hair hit my cheek as my body buckled and tensed.

"Your dark-haired friend has been taken, and I don't believe she's coming back. Hope she wasn't too important to you." She laughed again, and her footsteps faded across the yard.

A few minutes later the awful torture began to lessen little by little until finally it stopped all together. I bolted up and ran for the woods.

"Bella!" I shouted. "Bella!"

Where could they have taken her? Why didn't she fight back? _Did_ she fight back? I could smell her, everywhere; her scent was all over the forest.

"Edward!" Carlisle called for me.

Torn between tracking her further and answering Carlisle, I finally ran back to the house.

"Are you alright? What just happened?" Esme ran out of the door in a blur with Carlisle.

"I'm fine, Bella's gone!"

BPOV

I waited, I bided my time looking for the perfect moment when I could destroy Alec.

"I'll walk." I told him coldly. If I was going to get out of this, he needed to think that I was at least partially willing to cooperate.

"I wasn't born yesterday, Isabella, and you are by far not my first pet, so I shall carry you until I know you can't run away, which I know you will try to do." Alec breathed into my ear.

I suppose he meant it to be seductive, but it accomplished little more than appalling me.

"So there have been many unwilling victims?" I replied viciously.

He practically giggled, the little pervert.

"Oh, hundreds, but you, I believe, will be my finest conquest. You have powers I've not come across." He breathed in the scent of my hair, and a low growl rumbled in his chest. "I cannot wait to discover all your powers, and wiles. I'm sure you have many hidden within."

Oh, he didn't know the half of it, but he would find out soon enough.

"Stop with the gross innuendoes junior. I don't like them, and being an eternal hormone laden teenager does nothing for me." I struggled in his arms, only to have them clamp down tighter.

"Careful, Isabella, I like it rough too, but don't try my patience too much, you might find yourself missing a few people that you once knew, starting with your precious family."

"The Cullen's will rip you apart if you try to hurt one of them." I spat.

"I wasn't talking about the Cullen's, although believe me, I don't fear them. I was speaking of certain human acquaintances. I would seem that you've been greatly missed since we last were together. I even read some interesting articles in the newspaper about your father, the chief of police right?"

I clenched my teeth so that I wouldn't give answer or reaction to his vileness, but inside my stomach iced with terror that Alec or that evil creature he called sister, would hurt Charlie.

"Well that at least seems to have gotten you to be quiet and think."

Alec came to a stop outside a large stone wall.

"Home sweet home." He murmured in my ear.

The dark stone in front of me went up for what seemed like miles. He pulled us through the solitary iron gate and into a courtyard. Inside stood a rather impressive castle, or the ruins of one.

"Charming."

Instead of irritation, Alec merely laughed.

"Oh no, this is just the entrance, my pet. You'll see."

Up the cracked and crumbling stairs we walked and then through the large arched doors into an anteroom. With one hand clamping my wrists together in an unbreakable stronghold, Alec bent down and opened a hatch on the floor. More stone steps disappeared into the darkness underground.

"After you, my treasure." He nuzzled my neck.

Desperately and probably fruitlessly, I try to throw focus and concentration towards Alice, hoping that she'll see me, where I am, and who I'm with. This may at least show her that I'm okay. Damn Alec, damn him for being a psychotic little prick.

"You know" I spoke through clenched teeth as I stepped down into the tunnel. "I'm not sure you were ever old enough to get "the talk" from your father, but I'm guessing from your complete lack of game, that you never heard that girls don't like to be pressured into relationships."

"Game?" he asked amused confusion.

"Game. Ability to attract girls."

We were now a good 100 yards into the tunnel. It smelled dank and musty, but other than the occasional rat, nothing skittered by. I couldn't see much of anything, but the only way to go was forward.

"You'll find out soon enough what attracts girls to me, Isabella. And trying to insult me, even in your quaint lingo, won't get you anywhere, except maybe thrown over my knee in punishment." He purred softly. "Which only excites me more."

Barely resisting the urge to gag, I wrenched from his hold.

"Try that and I'll rip you to pieces, starting with your favorite appendage."

At this, Alec yanked me around and up against the cold wall.

"You _will_ be mine, in _every_ way. You will serve me, you will fulfill my desires, and above all you will obey me. This is why you were made, and you will come to terms with it or you will die." The calm assuredness in his voice sent cold chills down my spine.

Refusing to blink, I stared back into his blood red eyes.

"Then I will die."

EPOV

We all spread out, each taking a direction to track. I tried to concentrate on Bella's scent and not be overcome with worry and panic. Her scream kept echoing in my head. Whoever took her would pay, I reassured myself viciously, and if there was so much as one hair disturbed on her head, they would pay dearly.

"Edward!"

Jasper shouted for me. I turned and ran full speed towards him, as the rest of my family must have. We all stepped into a clearing.

"I've got Bella and another's scent, a vampire. And it smells familiar."

Alice gasped next to me.

"What?! What is it?"

"I know that smell too. It was all over Bella when we picked her up in Alaska. It's her sire. I saw him, in a vision yesterday, on the way back from the post office."

"What was he doing in the vision?" I asked frantically.

"Taking Bella." Alice spoke quietly.

"You knew this was going to happen and you didn't tell anyone?!" I roared.

"Bella and I had an agreement and she was supposed to tell you." Alice's voice was barely a whisper now.

"No excuse, that's not how this family works, do you even know what you've done, she could be hurt, dying, or _dead_!" As soft as Alice's voice was, is as loud as mine is. I take a step closer to her in rage, but before I know it, Jasper is between us, shoving me back, and Emmett is holding onto my arms.

"Stop, think Edward." Rose laid a hand on my arm. "Bella is a vampire now, she's much stronger, and _much_ more durable. We will find her. Besides that, this isn't helping get her back. We'll talk about it all later, not to mention Bella should have told you too, not just Alice, but we need to find her before we get into it."

"She's right, son." Carlisle nods his head, as does Esme. "We must help her now, not argue."

"Alright." I say carefully, as Emmett releases my arms. "Which way do you think they went Jasper?"

He eyed me wearily, obviously not appreciating my aggression towards Alice.

"Their scent seems to veer west."

And with that he took off towards it.

We follow, no one speaking, all focused on the trail. Five miles down, we come upon a deteriorating plot enclosed by a fifty foot stone wall.

Alice freezes and grabs her head.

"Inside." She says finally. "They went inside through a trapped door."

BPOV

"You're choice." Alec still held me firmly against the wall. "Pity, though, we would be great together."

He runs a hand firmly up my body before fisting my hair and wrenching my head back. I growl in rage. I am no one's slave. I won't fit into Edward's box of sweet, malleable human girl, and I won't live out eternity as a pubescent vampire's captive concubine.

"Alright Alec." I say steadily though. "We'll try it your way."

He cocks his head to the side and studies my face.

"I don't believe you mean that, precious, but I still like hearing it." He smirks and releases my hair. He begins to turn us around again to keep walking to the end of the tunnel.

"Are we going to meet your sister at home?" I ask barely able to hold back from cringing at the word 'home'.

"No, she will meet us later, I believe she is bringing a pet of her own. Though, none will compare with what I've made." He rocks his hips into my ass, so that his hardness rubs against me. "Or maybe she stayed and killed your coven. Who knows, she does enjoy a good massacre." He giggles again, unaware of the tensing in my body at his words.

Something inside me breaks open and the animal in me finally takes over. The fear, the anger, and the impotence claws out in a feral explosion.

I whirl around, a roar of rage erupting from deep inside my chest. Before either of us can utter words, I shove him backwards so hard he falls and cracks the floor with a thunderous echo. Walls around us are crumbling and all I can see is his death.

I fall on Alec in a frenzied fury. I'm grabbing anything I can and ripping it from him. I hear cloth rendering and his shrieks when I'm suddenly pulled off of him, and back. Incoherently, I fight the arms that hold me securely and carry me back the way Alec and I just came.

"Whoa, Bella, it's me."

Finally, I look up, and Emmett is hauling me up out of the tunnel and into the ruined castle. Around me, the other Cullens are rushing towards me, all talking at once, asking me if I'm alright. Esme is hugging me tightly, and Alice has grabbed my hand, and is holding it between both of hers'. Jasper and Carlisle are watching me, gauging my well-being, and Emmett is awkwardly patting my shoulder.

"Edward?" I ask frantically. "Rose?"

"They are probably ripping that little pipsqueak into tiny pieces right now." Emmett says with a hint of jealousy in his voice.

Before I can reply, both Edward and Rosalie come up from the floor covered in dirt and their clothes in shreds. Both their faces are hard with emotion and their movements stiff with agitation.

Edward pulls me from the others and into a hard embrace. I go willingly, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"It caved it, we couldn't finish him. We would have gotten trapped down there with him." Rose says in disgust, then turns to me. "You alright?"

I nod, barely able to move within Edwards arms.

"Let's all go home and talk about what happened.

EPOV

I'm furious, enraged even, that something like this happened. Bella, my Bella, was taken and Alice knew that it could happen, yet chose not to tell me. So yes, I'm furious with her, and with Bella, which I thought was impossible.

My love for this girl knows no bounds, and in everything we have been through, I have never been mad at her. Frustrated, yes. Scared, yes. Agitated, sure. But angry? Never. I could never be angry at this beautiful girl who is such a gift to me. Until now.

We walk in silence, I can hear everyone's thoughts as they try and make sense of what just overtook our family, but the buzz of anger in my head seems to drown it all out. Bella is very quiet beside me. She has clasped her arms around me as we walk back. I want to stop and carry her back, like I would have if she were still human, just for the comfort of her being protected in my arms, but I walk stiffly home. I don't push her grasp away, but I don't return it either.

Once we have made it back in the house, we gather in the living room. Emmett and Rose are seated on the couch, Jasper and Alice, huddle by the fire place, I head to the armchair, and Bella perches on the side of it, still clutching my hand. Carlisle and Esme stand in the middle between all of us.

I can hear Carlisle thinking through the possibilities of how to start this conversation. He's trying to be tactful, but I'm in no mood to be gracious.

"How the hell could this have happened without anyone saying a word?" I say. I don't direct it at either Alice or Bella, but it's obvious that's who I'm talking to.

Alice shrinks back into Jasper's arm. Bella closes her eyes, and shakes her head infinitesimally.

"We could have done something to prevent this, but instead we were caught unaware and look what happened?" I can barely keep myself from standing up and pacing with rage.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." Alice's voice is saturated with remorse.

"Please," Bella interjects before I can reply. "Don't be mad at Alice. I asked her not to say anything. If you're going to be angry," She looked at everyone's face individually, "then be angry with me. It's my fault that you all were caught unaware. _I _am so sorry."

Bella's eyes turned glassy, like they used to when she was about to start crying.

"Please excuse me." She let go of my hand and stood up, walking swiftly upstairs.

_Go talk to her._

_She's vibrating with guilt._

_Edward, she's so new to how our world works._

My family's thoughts were practically assaulting me.

I clenched my teeth and stood up. It seemed I was going to be the one to talk to Bella alone. The betrayal nearly engulfed me, but I walked upstairs and into our room anyway. She was lying on the bed that I had bought for her when she was still human, clutching the gold bedspread.

I sighed. I was so upset, but her obvious despair was worming its way to dissolving it.

"Edward." She breathed softly. "I know you're mad. You have every right to be."

Her quiet words were my undoing. They reminded me so much of the girl I'd met first at Forks High. It didn't matter that she was no longer human, or that she acted different from the meager human girl I'd fallen for, she was my Bella. Always my Bella, and I loved her, as I would for the rest of my existence, no matter what she did. It was irrevocable.

"Yes." I breathed, laying down behind her and wrapping my arms securely around her. "I'm very upset, because I was worried about you."

"I'm not human anymore." She whispered. "I won't die so easily."

"No, you are not, and no, you won't."

"But you're mad because I didn't tell you."

"I was still worried, even if you are less breakable, you can still die, and I am hurt that you didn't tell me."

"I was going to tonight." She still didn't look at me.

My arms tightened.

"Were you?" I had to make sure.

"Yes, when I asked you to meet me outside, so I could tell you first, away from everyone."

"Why away from everyone." I questioned.

"Because _you _should know first, because," Bella hesitated. "I love you, and you deserved to know first."

She curled into a ball and clutched the comforter so hard, it started to tear against her strong fingers.

"I know that you don't feel that way for me." She hurried on. "and I have accepted it, I have," She reassured. "But because it is how _I _feel about you, I knew that you should know first."

Her breath whooshed out, as my still heart swelled.

"I love you too." I breathed. "I never stopped."

I could feel her head shake in denial.

"Edward, please don't placate me now, you left, and I've been trying, more lately, to accept it and still have a relationship of some sort with you, but it won't help either of us if you keep insisting on something that just isn't true."

"Bella-"

"No, listen, please," she interrupted me. "Please. You are more than I ever wanted, more than I knew I could want, and whenever this," she turned to face me and gestured between us. "ends, I will accept it as graciously as I can."

I was speechless. Utterly speechless. I knew that I had done immeasurable damage when I'd left, but so much so that I could never find a way back into her heart? So much so that she couldn't see how entrenched she was in mine?

"I'm a binary sentinel." She said sitting up and sliding off the bed.

"What?" Again my mind went completely blank.

"A binary sentinel, I'm a shield but I can also use other's gifts around me." She explained as she began pacing.

"I know what a binary sentinel is."

"Oh," She said stopping for a fraction of a second. "I'm sorry, I thought-"

"Why do you think you are one?" I knew I sounded irritated, but it was because I just couldn't make my head catch up with the crazy turns of the conversation.

"Well we'd already figured out that I could shield everyone's special powers, but when I was practicing control over it, I found that I could funnel your telepathy, and Jasper's empathy, and I even saw a vision of Alice's. I'm still working on controlling that though." She clasped her hands in front of her, and watched my face as I absorbed what she'd just told me.

"You've been using our gifts without anyone knowing?" I was incredulous. "Well, not exactly," she hedged.

"What do you mean not exactly?" My eyes narrowed.

"Well, Alice knew, and Rose too, and Jasper too." Her voice was very quiet.

"So just about everyone but me?"

"No, not about everyone, just a few people. But I was going to tell you, Edward. I promise! Tonight, I was going to tell you everything!" She took a step towards me.

"How convenient that you were going to tell me tonight." I said lowly, harshly.

She winced.

"I am so so sorry for not telling you sooner." Her amber eyes pleaded with me.

"Me too." I stood up and walked out of the room, and down the stairs back into the night.


	11. All We Ever Do Is Say Good-bye

A/N- I'm sorry, is it the end of the world? It must be because I have posted two chapters this week. Me, ME, of all people! Well, since the end is upon us, settle down in your bunkers to read this with your 80 gallons of apocalypse water and enjoy. Hugs to you dear friends!

**Chapter 11**

**All We Ever Do Is Say Good-bye**

**I love you more than songs can say, **

**But I just can't keep running after yesterday.**

BPOV

I watched him leave. Again. And just like that Edward sucked the breath from my lungs and ripped my heart in two. How many times was I going to go through this, how many times was I going to allow it?

No more.

The echo of that night so long, yet not so long ago in the woods as Edward told me he was leaving without me thrummed in my silent chest as I pulled a leather satchel from the closet. I opened the top two drawers of the armoire that sat in the corner of his bedroom and began to pack.

EPOV

I needed to think, I needed to process what had happened. I thought I was finally getting somewhere with her. We had issues, of course, but we were working through them weren't we? We had a long way to go, but we were resolving things. I knew that over time she would come to realize that all I ever did was because I loved her and wanted to protect her. Wasn't that clear everytime I touched her? With every word I spoke to her?

But she wasn't who I thought. Who was this stranger that fooled me so thoroughly? Could we really ever get through this?

I didn't know.

I walked into the night, I didn't run. I wanted the time and the slow rhythm of walking to sort out my thoughts and emotions. I heard the air stirring and crunch of leaves and knew that Jasper and Emmett were behind me. Their thoughts were sympathetic, but mostly blank, allowing me the quiet to just be with my own council. Hours, it seemed, went by and still I kept walking until the sun began to rise. I stopped at a deserted campsite and sat at a weathered picnic table.

My brothers joined me within minutes.

They stayed silent until finally I spoke up.

"How could you not tell me Jasper?"

He shook his head, "It was not my information to tell, you know that."

"But how could you let her lie to me? She could hear my thoughts while we made love, while I was inside of her, and she didn't tell me! She used my gift on me, on all of us, and never said a word!" My voice began to rise.

"She didn't trust you enough to tell you." Emmett murmured.

Growling, I stood up and began to pace.

"Have I not done everything in my power to prove that I love her? That I would die for her?"

"No. I don't think you have."

"What!" I yanked Jasper up by his collar and snarled like the monster that I was.

"You have done exactly as you pleased, just like you always do."

More betrayal, from my own family? I shoved him away and gripped my hair with both fists.

"What are you saying!" I howled. I was losing my mind to anger and pain.

"You chose to leave Bella, and made the rest of us leave without a word, without a _trace _because _you _thought it best. You expect her to forgive you and everyone else, because you claim it was for her own good-" Jasper began.

"Of course it was-"

"I'm not done." He continued quietly. "You pick up with her as if you didn't completely shatter her heart; and as though her world wasn't irrevocably changed after her transformation."

"I never act-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm not _done_!" Jasper's voice never rose, but became harsher than I'd ever heard it before.

"You claim, that you love her beyond definition, that you would do anything for her to make her see that you only want to be with her, protect her, cherish her; yet you continue to try to control her, chastise her as if she were a slow child when you don't like what she does, and then, THEN in spite of all these things, when she tells you she loves you, and tries to explain what she's been working through as best she can by _herself_, you FUCKING WALK OUT THE DOOR!"

Jasper's breath is expelling raggedly out of his chest as he stares at me with such uncharacteristic animosity, that I can only stand there in utter stupefaction.

"Jasper, calm down, just take a minute." Emmett speaks to him quietly.

"He's an asshole, who doesn't know he's an asshole!" Jasper gestures towards me but looks at Emmett.

"I know, believe me, but still, just take it down a few notches."

Jasper shoots me another glare and begins to pace while Emmett takes over.

"He's right you know?"

I shake my head, still trying to understand what just happened.

"You go around making choices for people or getting annoyed when they don't just fall in line, and we put up with it because we're your family and we love you, but Bella. She doesn't have to stick around. Just because she's your mate doesn't mean she has to put up with it. You may not be ready to be with her if you can't get your shit together."

"Not ready?" I sputter. "I'm over a hundred fucking years old, how fucking ready do I fucking need to be?"

"A-fucking-pparently fucking older than that, fucktard. And if this is going to turn into a 'who can use fuck the most' contest I'll win, so fucking forget it." Emmett glared at me.

"You act like you're the only one who loves Bella." Jasper shakes his head in disgust. "But you're not, she's part of our family, this affects everyone, not just poor emo-Edward."

"You know what, fuck both of you, you have no idea what you're talking about." I'm so furious at them, at Bella, at myself and this whole situation, I can't even concentrate.

"See that's the thing, we _do _know, we've been here the whole time, and right now, you don't deserve her." Emmett yells at me as I turn my back and stare at the empty trees.

I hear them both walk off and know they're headed home. I should go back before long as well or Esme will start to worry, but for a minute or two, I just want to stand here and try to figure out what the hell is going on in my life and figure out if maybe what Emmett and Jasper have said is true.

There's a very fearful part of me that is pretty sure it is.

BPOV

I brush my hair and quickly tie it in a loose braid. I've changed out of the clothes I was wearing when Alec took me and replaced them with a pair of black leggings, a long dark gray sweatshirt and a pair of Ugg boots. Grabbing my bag, I leave Edward's room, closing the door softly behind me and make my way down the stairs.

The house is quiet, but I know if I looked around, I'd find them. My family.

Pursing my lips and taking a breath, I set my bag near the bottom stair and then knock lightly on the closed door to Carlisle's office.

"Come in." I hear him call.

I enter and am not surprised to see Esme by the bookcase near Carlisle's desk that he is seated behind.

"Oh, honey, are you okay?" Esme looks close to tears.

"I'm fine, Esme, really." I even manage to smile softly at her.

"I just came because, I wanted to say goodbye. And I wanted to thank you so much for everything these past weeks."

"No, Bella, no, stay. Please!" Esme comes forward and grabs my hands in her own.

I lead her over to the two wingback chairs, shaking my head.

"Bella, you don't need to leave." Carlisle responds seriously.

"I know that I don't, and that means so much to me, but I really think it would be best for everyone if I took some time away. To get to know me, the new me, and to spread my wings a little. Be independent for a bit." I try to explain.

"I also owe you both an explanation about tonight. Alec, was my sire, as you know, and Alice had a vision about him being here, which you also know, but what you don't know is that when Alice had her vision, I saw it too. I've been studying your books, Carlisle and I realized through some trial and error, that I'm a binary sentinel, and I've been able to use Alice and Edward and Jasper's gifts. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

I force myself to look at Carlisle while I tell him, even though I want to look away in guilt.

"Well, that makes quite a bit sense, but what doesn't make sense is why you felt you needed to hide it from us, were you afraid of us?"

And the shame just keeps coming.

"No, no!" I put my hand up as if to ward off the very thought. "I never felt that way. I was being selfish and prideful and I acted as if I was the only one affected by my gift and that I had a right to keep living as self-involved as I always had, and I apologize for that. I never should have allowed what happened tonight to occur. If I'd told you guys sooner about...well everything, we could have all been prepared for Alec."

"Oh Bella, of course, we forgive you, but that's no reason to leave!" Esme exclaims.

"I'm leaving because I think I need to work through some issues within myself, but I am so, so glad that I can do that knowing that things are right between us." I look between the two of them.

"If this is what you really want then I have something for you." Carlisle opens his middle drawer and pulls out a small key before getting up and walking towards his filing cabinet. He unlocks the third drawer and takes out a large manila folder.

"This should help you, wherever you decide to go." he hands me the folder.

Confused, I open it and find a driver's license, passport, social security card, an ATM card, three credit cards, birth certificate, and five hundred dollars in cash. The name on the cards and documents is Isa Hale.

"Rosalie suggested the name," Esme smiled sadly. "We needed to get you new identification for the time being and she didn't think anyone would recognized Jasper's last name. Cullen might be too suspicious for now."

"I understand, and thank you so much for doing this, but I can't take all this money." I try to hand it back.

"Isabella, take it." Carlisle's voice, while, soft, brooked no argument.

"Thank you." I finally manage, once again moved by their unceasing kindness. "I'll write as soon I've settled somewhere."

"You better or I'll hunt you down!" Esme pulls me into a fierce hug.

"Could you give these to everyone?"

I hand her the envelopes I had tucked in my sweatshirt pocket.

"Of course."

"Wait, one more thing." Carlisle fishes through another drawer and hands me a set of keys.

I look at him puzzled.

"They are to the Honda in the garage, I'd give you the Mercedes, but I'm betting you want to fly a little under the radar for a little while." He smiles.

I take the keys. "I promise I will bring it back in the same condition I'm taking it."

"Just bring yourself back, and we'll be happy."

I hug them both tightly, overwhelmed with love and gratitude for these people who have in so many ways been the parents of my heart.

"Goodbye" I tell them and then picking up my bag by the stairs, I walk out the front door and down the steps to the garage not knowing when the next time I'll see them will be.

EPOV

I step through the front door and take in the quiet of the house. I hear my family's movements and passing thoughts, so I know they are around.

"Hello Edward." Esme is sitting on the cream settee in the living room and appears to be flipping casually through a _Better Homes and Gardens_ magazine.

"Hey Esme." I sigh with relief. My mother is just who I need right now. She'll give me focus and clarity and most importantly love. I sit down next to her and breathe in her homey scent of lilacs.

"You know I love you very much," she begins and I lean my head on her shoulder, ready to rest in her maternal sanctuary. "but I'm not very proud of you right now."

"What?" I'm so flabbergasted that all I can do is gape at her. Never in all our years together has she ever said anything to me that wasn't encouraging and positive. Have I really been such a pious prick that even Esme is giving me a dressing down?

Apparently, I have.

"I'm not very proud of any of us to be honest." She continues, but lays her hand on mine to soften her chastisement. "We were very insensitive to Bella because we were trying to be sensitive to you. And because of that we almost lost her...twice."

"I never meant for any of this to happen...not this way." I lay my head in my hands and lean on my knees. "Never. I just wanted to protect her. I never wanted to hurt or disappoint my family, and I most certainly never wanted to hurt Bella."

"I know, sweetheart." Esme wraps an arm around my shoulders and I swear I've never felt so lost.

"I don't know what to do. I thought it was the right thing to leave Forks. I thought if she could get away from how dangerous our world is, then she'd be safe, and she'd be happy. And then when she came back into my life, I only wanted to prove to her my commitment, so I tried to take care of her and protect her. I swear I wasn't trying to make her unhappy."

"No one thinks you were maliciously trying to hurt her, Edward. We just think you love your mate and allowed yourself to become too overbearing."

"We also think you're an asshat." Rosalie interjects from the doorway. "That needs to be said as well."

"Rosalie." Esme chastises while squeezing my shoulder supportively. "Not productive."

She shrugs and walks over to the armchair by the fire and plops down.

"Listen Edward, no one thinks you try to be a self-righteous know-it-all-"

"Rosalie!" Esme interrupts giving her a decidedly mothering look.

"Let me finish, I do have a point, I promise. No one thinks that you _mean _to be this way, but you don't take constructive criticism well, and when you've decided you don't like how a situation is turning out, you tend to just get up and walk away. That's not conducive to problem solving. _Plus_, you hardly ever think you're wrong, probably because you can hear everyone's thoughts so you already know all sides of an argument before it's even begun. However, this time, with Bella, you were wrong and until you can figure out a way to be with her, love her, support her and treat her as an equal, not an inferior, breakable human, who you think needs every decision made for, you have no business being with her."

I sit silently and try, really, really try to absorb what my family has been telling me. I don't want them to be right, I want to tell them all that they have no idea what is going on between Bella and me, but unfortunately I think they must be right, otherwise, what I had been doing would have been working, and it so very obviously is not.

"Alright, I understand what you're telling me, and I really am sorry for not seeing this on my own and correcting it sooner, I appreciate all of you supporting me even when you didn't agree with how I was trying to handle everything."

"Oh my dear, that's what families are for, to help each other and love each other," she shoots another look at Rose. "and bolster each other through everything. We truly only want what is best for you and Bella."

"I know you do. And I think I have a lot of missteps to make up for." I sigh, knowing where it needs to begin. "I better go and find Bella.

"She's not here." Carlisle tells me as he too joins us.

"What do you mean? Where is she?"

"She left, four hours ago. She needed some time. She left this for you." He hands me an envelope and then gets up to leave. Rose and Esme follow.

A terrible ball of anxiety settles in my stomach as I open the envelope and unfold the letter inside.

_Edward,_

_I'm so sorry for how I have behaved since arriving here in Oregon. I have been resentful, bitter, and selfish at best, and I have spewed the worst of these emotions on you. I allowed my pain to cloud my better judgment and because of this, our family was put in jeopardy. I cannot express how deeply sorry I am for that. I also must apologize for not being honest with you from the very beginning, again, I allowed my pride to color my actions. I love you, I must have loved you from the first moment I looked at you, but right now, we cannot be together. You don't trust me, though at this point, I can hardly blame you, and sadly, I don't trust you either. I'm always waiting for you to runaway and break my heart again._

_I don't want to be angry with you, Edward. I want to be at peace with what I am and how I feel about you, and how I left my life as a human. I'm going to talk to Carlisle and Esme, confess everything about my gift and how I used it selfishly. I'm writing notes to everyone else and will ask for their forgiveness too. I'm going to go away for a while. You might be happy to hear this, as the last time I saw you, you were walking away from me. I really think this is the best thing for us both. We need time to heal and grow before we can consider a future for us, if there even is one. _

_Please take care of yourself, my love._

_Bella_

**Uh ohhhh, poor Edward got an ass-kicking everywhere he turned. Does anyone feel sorry for him?**


End file.
